Juggernaut
by ShouldHaveStuckToReading
Summary: Bella and Edward meet for the first time under very different circumstances. The spark of attraction is lit and Bella must walk a fine line between love and betrayal. AU, AH, a bit OOC. M for adult themes.
1. Oh God, I'm turning into a teenager

**A/N: Just a quick apology to those that have this story on alert. I'm reloading the chapters as they appear on Twilighted so the two versions are the same. Unfortunately you will keep getting alerted for chapters you have already read. Feel free to take me off your list now...**

**Thanks to Sobriquett and Project Team Beta for beta-ing this chapter. And Roo for validating.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

* * *

She sat in the green room waiting patiently. It hadn't changed since the last time she was there, although it was in dire need of a change. It actually had wallpaper, and old furnishings that Bella cursed every time for threatening to destroy her composure. She sat hunched over and watched the live screen, shifting uncomfortably in the lounge chair that was so soft it could possibly swallow her whole.

She was still waiting two minutes later when _he _was shepherded in. Her first thoughts were that he was nervous, closely followed by noticing he was handsome. He was tall with hair that was almost bronze in color. It was perfectly styled in a purposely messy kind of way. His skin was very lightly tanned porcelain, but that was to be expected. He had a strong straight nose and a beautifully-chiselled jaw line. His mouth was softer though, with perfect lips. _Definitely an actor._

When his eyes met hers she felt her heart skip a little. They were green, a particularly stunning shade. But there was more; something about their shape and the lashes and the way they darted around the room made her notice them. They were also wide in anticipation. This is what had caused her to consider him nervous.

He headed over to the lounge on the opposite wall and sank in. It seemed impossible to look composed in these chairs but somehow he managed it. He looked up at her from across the room and smiled sheepishly.

"Hi," he said quietly, his voice shaking.

He was definitely nervous. Bella secretly congratulated herself on her perceptiveness. It was almost like a game to her: guessing characters.

"Hi," she replied. He was exceptionally good looking. Should she know who he was? She didn't recognise him, and he didn't appear to recognise her. Bella took the initiative.

"I'm Bella—an author, so no, you don't know who I am." He looked relieved. She congratulated herself again for reading him so well. That made two now.

"I'm Edward—a small-time actor, so you probably don't know me either." She looked relieved, but only to make him feel better. She felt no remorse for not being aware of every celebrity walking the earth. She added another point to her score for picking him as an actor. She was up to three now and doing well. He threw her another smile and she returned it. The smiles really changed his face; made him look more boyish.

They were sitting together, completely unknown to one another, yet about to walk out into a room full of strangers that knew everything about them. Bella allowed herself a moment to bask in the irony. Then the chair sucked her in another notch.

"Do I know any of your work?" she asked, again cursing the furniture as she tried, unsuccessfully, to sit a little straighter.

He looked delighted that she had asked. "Maybe. I'm here promoting a movie—_Shame_. I've had a few roles on stage though. Do you go to much theatre?" he asked.

She hadn't considered him as a stage actor, so subtracted a point for missing that one.

"No," she replied. "But I don't get out much. I'm only here on my book tour at the moment. I spend most of my time out of the city, in Washington State." _As far away as possible,_ she added to herself.

He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Would I know your work?"

"Stanford series?"

There was a brief look of recognition. "Yeah, I have heard of it." He sounded surprised. "I haven't read it though." He looked pleased with himself so she didn't correct him. _It_ was actually four books. And Bella was very proud of them. They were all bestsellers and this was her fourth book tour. She was getting the hang of these things.

She could see that now he had heard of her, he was paying attention to her. She watched his eyes as they took in her satchel on the floor, and then roamed up her legs and over her body until he reached her face. It didn't seem sexual though, more... curious.

Bella knew she wasn't the most beautiful person to look at. But she had been through make-up and she shared Edward's perfect porcelain complexion. Her eyes were a deep chocolate brown. Her hair was brown. She was slim, but not in a toned way; more in a soft 'I don't do sports' way. It had been many years since Bella felt the need to worry about her appearance, but right then she was very aware of how she must look under his gaze. It surprised her when she realised she was feeling self-conscious.

"Are you nervous?" he asked.

"A little." She hadn't been, until now. "How about you?"

"Extremely." He exaggerated the word for sarcasm, but Bella saw through him. He raked his long fingers through his hair, seemingly wringing out all of his tension with that simple motion. Bella imagined the make-up lady being annoyed with that action. She found it cute though; he wasn't pretentious.

The production assistant appeared. "Bella, you're on in two."

The show was a very small production for morning television. It was as far from the big time as you could get, which explained why they had such a dated green room. Bella liked it though. It was a lot simpler in style than the bigger shows, and they hardly ever asked her the stupid questions. Bella had been on for all of her books now. The show was screened during the daytime and was especially good for the female 20-30 age bracket, part of her target audience, and also, it seemed, Edward's.

She could see on the monitor that they had gone to commercial. She started to get ready, checking her shirt wasn't too wrinkled from being hunched over. She managed to gracefully rise from the chair, pushing herself up from the soft abyss using a single hand.

"Good luck," Edward said once she was standing, with another flash of a cute smile. He looked more nervous now he was going to be alone.

"Thanks. You too. I'll see you out there." She went to get seated on set.

"_Welcome back, everyone. I have with me today Bella Swan who has just released her fourth _Stanford_ book—easily one of the most anticipated books of the year and, for many people, ever." _

Bella went into interview mode. She answered the questions easily. They were always the same: how she had switched from an academic career to writing, where she got her ideas from, how closely the Stanford series followed her own time at college, how she researched her books. The presenter even asked about her husband which was thoughtful. She had been a newlywed during her second interview on the show. It was a nice personal touch that they had remembered.

Bella had always nurtured a deep love of literature, much more so than other kids her age. So when it came time to go to college that's what she studied. Her boyfriend, Mike, had wanted to go to Peninsula in Port Angeles so that's where they went. They had dated since they were seniors in high school and had been married for just over two years now.

Eventually, Bella found her forté in teaching others to love books, and applied for a job at the college. She taught English Literature courses for a couple of years and appeared to be the picture of a perfect academic. But then she did something that very few academics achieve: she wrote a fiction.

It was brilliant, actually. The story had come to her in a dream. It was the most vivid dream she had ever had and she had stayed in bed for as long as possible thinking about it. Then it was all she could think about that day. By night-time she decided to take action and sat down at her computer to write.

It had been almost effortless. All of her characters were completely formed; she only had to endow them with actions and words. She wrote every night after work and then all weekend. After three months she was finished. Another three months and she had a publishing contract. It didn't take her long to leave her post at the college to take to writing full-time. In less than four years she had written and published all four books.

The host asked a few more questions about the latest book and then finished up with the obligatory, "What do you plan to do next?"

This was the first time that Bella had had any trouble answering that question. After finishing every other book she had known what she was going to do: she was going to write another book. But now her story was finished and she didn't have another to write. Nothing was coming to her in any dreams. Nothing was coming to her at all.

Of course, she didn't say that.

"I'm taking a year off. It's been a very exhausting four years and I just need to take a breather."

This satisfied the host, who didn't pick up the lack of reference to further books. Then they were cutting to another commercial and it was over. Bella was shuffled to the lounge on set as they brought Edward out to sit where she had been. His eyes searched until he saw her and smiled. _He must have been looking for me_, she thought.

Edward's interview was an effective way to learn about him. His last name was Cullen, which had a nice ring to it. He grew up in London and was the same age as Bella. It sounded as though he'd enjoyed a very successful stage career. This was his first attempt at a movie though, explaining the nerves. This was his first juggernaut.

His movie debut was a small-budget production that had won rave reviews. Bella remembered hearing about it now—really successful for its budget, but not a blockbuster. She eyed him appreciatively. He was so handsome it would be impossible for him to not succeed at this.

The show was winding up.

"Thank you, Bella." Bella smiled and waved at the host. Edward smiled in her direction, obvious relief coloring his features.

The set was abuzz for a few moments. People were removing microphones, debriefing and congratulating Edward and Bella. They said goodbye to the host and then it was all over. Bella headed back to make-up. She hated having so much of it caked on her skin and she went to work removing it with the wipes they provided.

She could see Edward through the doorway, reflected in the mirror. He was looking over in her direction and she angled her head so he wouldn't see her staring. He started walking towards the door, but then stopped. Then he started again. Then stopped. The third time he didn't stop and she watched in amusement as he came into the room.

"Thank God that's over," he exclaimed, probably trying to sound relieved but his voice still held his excitement. He looked around the table, then noticing what Bella was doing, he too grabbed a wipe and started removing make-up. Bella could see he was having an adrenaline rush over it all. She remembered that feeling.

"You did great," she said encouragingly. "Intelligent, knowledgeable, handsome!" Edward beamed.

"You were amazing," he gushed. "You were so relaxed. And your life! I had no idea anyone could have that much up their sleeve." She imagined he was talking about her career change.

"Well, I've had a bit of practice so the nerves aren't as bad. And really, I was a writer before too. Now I'm just a writer of things that people actually read." She smiled at her own joke. Edward smiled too.

"Do you want to grab some lunch?" he asked. She stopped wiping and tried not to look surprised. Edward looked anxious. Her heart thumped loudly and she had to look away from his eyes as she felt the color rising in her face. What was wrong with her? She hadn't blushed like this since she was a teenager. She spent a split second considering everything. Then she realised that Edward knew she was married so it wouldn't be the date kind of lunch.

"Sure. Just let me get all this off." She risked a glance back up at the mirror and was embarrassed by the shade of her cheeks. She excused herself to the bathroom to finish, but really it was to give her skin a chance to return to its normal color.

Once she was in the bathroom, she was able to think a little more clearly. She told herself that her reaction was simply from thinking she had been asked out on a date. She thought about Edward and how this was his first real interview. She remembered her first time and how the adrenaline hung around for the rest of the day. Edward clearly needed someone to talk to and she didn't mind enjoying that role.

She finished up and went back out. He was on the phone so she hung back, tossing around the idea of calling her agent or perhaps her husband but then Edward finished his call, so she approached him instead.

"Okay. Ready?" she asked.

"Ready," he replied, and led the way out of the studio.

* * *

Edward took her to a little deli a few blocks from the studio. He said he had eaten there a few times and the food was good. It was Bella's type of place, nice and private, with tables set out in a back room behind the store front. It definitely had a certain charm about it. It looked like it had been restored and decorated to recapture the original era of the building. It was furnished with eclectic pieces, no one matching another, but somehow each piece fit together with the others like a big three-dimensional puzzle. To top it off, prints of some of Bella's favorite art adorned the walls.

They were seated at a corner table and sat across from each other. They both ordered salad and coffee and talked about the paintings while they waited. It was awkward. The waitress finally returned with their coffee, breaking the tension in the room, and they wrapped their hands around the warm mugs relaxing noticeably.

Edward ran his fingers along the handle of his mug. "I still can't get over the amount of work you have done—for your age, I mean," he stumbled. Bella took it as a compliment.

"Well, I guess while you were acting, I was writing. It isn't that different. I couldn't act to save my life and you seem to have been quite successful at that." She took a sip of her coffee and let it warm her. It was good.

Edward's hand was still fidgeting with his own mug. "Yeah, but... well, acting isn't hard. It doesn't really take any effort, you know?" He looked almost guilty until he finally tasted his own coffee. As he sipped his eyes closed and she could tell his was good too.

Bella clearly remembered feeling the way Edward did. When her first book had been so successful she felt like people hadn't thoroughly read it. They didn't understand that she didn't write _well_—more that she had scribbled it down. Now she knew better. Now she knew that she was simply a writer.

"Well acting is hard... for me. Just because you find it easy doesn't mean everyone does. It's like me with writing. Writing is easy for me. That's why I do it." She hoped that explanation would alleviate any of his guilt and save him the agony she had gone through. He didn't look convinced though. She took another sip of her coffee.

Their lunch arrived and they continued chatting between bites. She was surprised to learn that he still officially lived in England, although he was looking for a place so he could move to the States permanently. He didn't know anyone except his cast mates and a few industry people. She suppressed the tiny bit of disappointment she felt on hearing that. Now she knew he was only having lunch with her because he had no one else.

She told him about her home in Forks, how she had grown up in Phoenix but left to live with her father after her mother remarried. She mentioned her husband Mike and how they had been together since senior year. She told him about how Mike now ran the family business: Newtons' Olympic Outfitters store. Edward's eyes narrowed at that.

"You didn't take his name?" he asked. This took Bella by surprise. Edward hadn't struck her as old-fashioned. She mentally subtracted another point. Now she was down to just one.

"I already had two books out when we were married, under the name Bella Swan. It just seemed like I needed to release all of my books under that name..." She trailed off, not mentioning how she didn't like Mike's last name—Newton. She would have been Bella Newton; too close to 'beautiful newt' for her liking. Keeping her maiden name wasn't a difficult choice for her at all. And Mike understood about the pen name needing to stay intact.

Edward seemed to understand her reasoning. She continued to tell him about Forks and how she enjoyed being there so much more than the city.

"People treat me normally. They don't treat me like Bella Swan, the_ author_. These people have known me for a long time and I'm not a big deal. Do you know that no one has even asked for my autograph?" She glanced up at him. He had the look she was expecting—shocked. Autographs were fast money now that eBay existed.

Bella put her fork down after that, having finally finished her lunch. Edward had already finished. She took the last sip of coffee and placed the mug back on the table before fishing in her satchel for her purse. She left enough to cover her meal and a generous tip. Lunch was officially over and now she was going to have to leave.

It was one of the best lunches she had ever had. Edward was gorgeous, but he was also nervous, friendly, attentive, and one of the nicest people she had ever met. She was actually sad that this was all she would get to see of him. Then she realised how ridiculous it was for her to think that way when she was happily married. _Definitely time to walk away_.

"Well, I guess I had better get going." She tried not to look disappointed. But then she looked up into his face and she couldn't help feeling that way.

"I had a good time." Edward smiled warmly. Then he frowned a little. She thought he too looked a little sad that lunch was finished but then dismissed it. It was probably just his reaction to the look on her face. Then he truly surprised her.

"Do you want to have lunch with me again?" he asked. So he _was_ a little sad! Bella inwardly beamed as she regained a point.

"That would be nice." She was busy the next day, but, "How about Thursday?"

"Thursday is great." He looked so relieved and happy. Bella felt the excitement churning in her stomach. It was like she was a teenager again and finally talking to the boy of her dreams.

Edward pulled a pen from his jacket pocket and scribbled something on a spare napkin. He held it out to her.

"Call me?" The corner of his mouth twisted up and he flashed a crooked smile so beautiful that she stared. After a moment the smile left and he looked embarrassed, like he had made an idiot out of himself.

"Uh huh," was all she could manage, but it was enough to bring the smile back to his face. She was afraid of just how stupid the look on her own face was at that moment, so she stood and leaned across to take the napkin, eager to leave and regain her ability to speak. As she grasped it her fingers grazed his palm and she drew her hand back sharply. It was like an electric current had passed through her.

She was feeling totally disoriented now and had to get out of there before she made a complete fool of herself. She closed her gaping mouth, turned, and headed straight out of the deli. She hadn't even made it past the next table though when her foot caught on the leg of a chair. She stumbled but didn't fall, and was exceedingly grateful the deli was so empty. As the color flooded her face for the second time that day, she straightened up and continued toward the door. The last thing she heard before she left the room was a soft chuckle from their table.


	2. Dream a little dream

**Thanks to Project Team Beta for the fantastic (and fast!) beta work. ****If you are interested in becoming a beta then you should check them out. I'll put a link in my profile. **

**And thanks to Roo for vaildating me, and for posting my story :)**

**Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. **

* * *

Bella couldn't get in a taxi fast enough. Her mind was racing and for the first time in years she couldn't trust her feet to keep her upright.

Everything had been so wonderful at her lunch with Edward up until the last few moments. She cringed as she recalled her inability to speak, and then groaned out loud as she replayed her stumble for about the hundredth time. She was _incredibly_ embarrassed.

The taxi rounded the corner near her hotel and she fished in her satchel for her purse. The driver pulled up and she passed the money to him from the backseat, hasty to get out but incapable of being rude and just throwing it at him.

The lift took forever as it slowly climbed to her floor and her foot started tapping impatiently. When it finally arrived she stepped out and carefully rushed to her room. She unlocked the door and pushed through before pulling it closed behind her.

Now she could safely fall apart.

Her legs immediately weakened and she slid down until she was sitting on the floor. The butterflies in her stomach that she had been straining to contain were let loose and they fluttered through every part of her body. Her fingers had already been a little shaky, but now they positively trembled, and her chest ached as it was finally allowed to feel all the emotions from the past few hours.

Bella remained in that position for almost ten minutes. She tried not to think coherently and instead allowed flashes of thoughts to pass through her mind. She was quite certain that her consciousness wasn't ready to deal with anything yet so she just tried to relax and get her breathing back under control.

When she felt that her physical self had somewhat returned to normal, she attempted to stand up. Reaching behind her, she grabbed the door handle and used it to help herself off the floor. Although unsteady, her legs seemed to have regained some stability and so she tentatively walked to the couch.

Once she was sitting comfortably she began to analyse her reactions. It really had been a nice lunch. There was nothing about it in particular that had caused her to behave like this. Edward had been good company and hadn't said or done anything inappropriate.

This reaction she was having had started with the smile. Just thinking about that crooked smile made Bella's heart beat pick up. Her chest ached more at the thought of his lips twisting up and her eyes fluttered closed as if to give her a better, unobstructed view of the memory. _Yes, it was definitely the smile_.

The smile had then been followed by the touch. His hands had been cold but that wasn't surprising given the weather. But the temperature wasn't what made her pull away. It was like she had been zapped. Her fingers tingled as she remembered what it felt like. She could make absolutely no sense of why his touch could cause that type of reaction in her.

The smile was easier to explain. It was gorgeous. If she had any doubt about her attraction to him before that moment it was completely swept away with that grin.

She then realised she had admitted to herself that she was attracted to Edward.

Was that okay?

She thought about all the years she had been together with Mike and tried to think if she had ever been attracted to anyone else. There was no one at school she felt that way about. She remembered having a brief infatuation with one of the students at college. He loved literature too, and that was the main cause of Bella's attraction toward him. It had sizzled within a week, and she remembered how at the time it gave her more faith in her relationship with Mike.

Bella had never had a real boyfriend before Mike. She had only slept with one other man, having lost her virginity to Tyler Crowley. Tyler had been less than gentlemanly about the whole thing and told a few of the other boys about it. Mike was one of those boys and he ended up punching Tyler in the face. At the time, he made out it was just because Tyler was being disrespectful. But it was pretty clear to everyone that he was in love with Bella. They started dating very soon after that.

Mike was everything that Bella could want in a man. He was good looking, fun, ridiculously loyal, and he brought out the best in her. So when it came time to go to college she knew she would have a better time if she went with him.

Her Mom wasn't so sure. Renée had been certain that Bella would want to go to college in Phoenix. So when Bella told her she wanted to stay in Washington, Renée had been shocked. Then when Bella told her it was because of Mike, she had been concerned. Bella had hated the conversation they had about 'keeping her options open'. Renée had never believed Mike was good enough for her.

Bella's father, on the other hand, loved Mike. He was the perfect Son-in-law. Charlie couldn't be more grateful that Mike was the reason Bella stayed in Washington for college. Of course, it also helped that Mike's parents ran the local sporting goods store, and Charlie was an avid fisherman.

College had been a dream for Bella. She had been right about having more fun with Mike. He was more outgoing, which meant he was always dragging her to parties and events. Even though she was reluctant to go, she always ended up having a good time. By second year she stopped being so shy, and by third year she was even helping Mike to organise events.

Mike proposed the night after graduation. Bella wasn't surprised as she had sensed Mike was up to something. She didn't hesitate for a moment to say yes. Mike told her he would love her, and only her. She told him the same.

Bella realised, as she thought about her husband, that she had never been unsure of her feelings for him, and she knew she wasn't unsure about them now. She loved Mike, unconditionally. She breathed a sigh of relief as she realised her feelings for Edward Cullen, whatever they may be, had not changed that.

She knew she would have to call Mike soon. They talked at least once a day while she was away. She had been in too much of a rush that morning to call him and now regretted not taking the time. Although she knew he wouldn't be able to tell she was attracted to another man, she was still irrationally scared her voice would give her away.

In order to delay just a few moments more Bella carefully made herself a cup of tea. She couldn't stand instant coffee. There was also something refined about tea, something about it being British. Then her mind clicked and she remembered that Edward was from London. She quickly poured the cup of tea down the drain and made some instant coffee.

Her phone beeped as she dialled Mike's number.

"Hi Bells," Mike's voice said through the phone. Bella could tell he was in a good mood, but Mike was almost always in a good mood so she never got points for that.

"Hi. Sorry I didn't call earlier today. I had the interview this morning."

"Yeah, your Dad called me. He taped the whole thing so I'm going over after work to watch it. Anything you want to warm me about?" He was joking, she knew. But it was a little eerie that he was giving her an opening.

"I had to share the stage with a terribly handsome celebrity." Bella tried to sound nonchalant to turn it into a joke. _Perhaps this is what I need_, she thought. Mike could make her feel better, he always did.

"I'm sure that was just _awful_ for you," he said mockingly.

"It was," she exaggerated her voice. "It was far worse at lunch though." She knew Mike wouldn't be worried that she went to lunch with him. It would worry him if she went to lunch but didn't tell him about it.

"And just who is this _terribly handsome_ celebrity that is taking my strikingly beautiful wife out to lunch?" Bella had been right; he didn't sound worried at all.

"Edward Cullen?"

Mike paused for a split second as if trying to recall the name. "Nope. Haven't heard of him. Can't be that great then..." Bella didn't point out that Mike hadn't heard of many celebrities. Instead, she attempted solidarity.

"No, I hadn't either."

"So how was lunch?" he asked.

"It was good." She decided to be honest. "He's really a nice guy. He's just moving over from England so he doesn't know many people here." She threw that in to try to make Mike sympathetic. "He asked me to have lunch with him on Thursday."

"Hmm." It was the closest Mike would get to being disapproving. "And did you say you'd go?"

"I haven't decided yet." She now decided that if Mike didn't want her to go, she wouldn't.

"Just how good looking is this guy, Bella?" Although he said it jokingly, she sensed he was voicing a concern of his. Mike was very rarely worried by Bella's success. He was naturally an optimist, so for the most part his wife being a famous author was fantastic. Of course, he had his moments of doubt.

"You have nothing to be worried about," she assured him, hoping fervently she was still being honest.

It seemed to work as Mike returned to joking, "Make sure he pays then."

And there it was. Mike was okay with her having lunch with Edward.

They started talking about other things. Bella asked about the store and how things were; she always made an effort to be interested in the business. Mike had been a little offended when she applied to teach at the college. She never wanted him to feel that she thought she was above him. It had always been a very practical decision; she really wasn't very good at sports.

Mike relayed a conversation he had with a particularly enthusiastic hiker. He actually had to talk the guy out of purchases. It made her laugh and also made her appreciate how funny Mike could be.

Bella heard someone knocking on his office door.

"Gotta go Bells, work calls. Love you."

"I love you too, Mike." She then remembered that Mike would be seeing her Dad later. "Say hi to Charlie for me."

"Will do, baby. Bye."

Bella closed her cell. Mike had made her feel better; just like he always did.

Now that she had re-established her faith in her marriage and her love for Mike, she felt faintly ridiculous about her behaviour earlier. It had been just under four weeks since she had seen Mike. Almost four weeks without kisses, hugs, or sex. That was probably the reason why she had acted the way she did earlier.

Feeling decidedly more normal, Bella went about the rest of her day doing ordinary things. Eventually she left her hotel room and went to find something for dinner. On her way, she passed a shoe shop and a pair caught her eye. Thinking they may just come in handy she went in and put up with the over-zealous sales assistant before buying them. Then it was time for dinner so she grabbed a bite to eat at one of her favorite city cafes.

When she was finished, she strolled back to the hotel. The day had left her exhausted so she showered and got ready for bed. She was laying there reading when her phone beeped to let her know she had a new message. She opened it up. It was from Mike.

_Are you sure I've got nothing to worry about?_

She laughed. He must have finished watching the interview with Charlie. She replied a quick 'I love you' and smiled as she thought about just how true that was. She continued reading and before long had fallen into a blissful sleep with dreams in which everything was perfect.

* * *

Bella woke up with a start.

There was a moment of serenity, and then the real world started creeping in. She screwed her eyes shut and pushed the real world away, wanting to stay in the meadow forever. Knowing that was impossible, she committed the dream to memory before it faded away.

The dream had been vivid. It had the same intensity as the dream that had led her to write the Stanford series. Everything was clear: emotions, intentions, the setting, and the people. However, one person in particular was what made this dream different. She was in this dream.

It was simple enough. She was in a meadow, and she was in love. The love was so intense that it made her chest feel like she was suffocating. She searched for words to describe the emotion and came up with things like 'soul-completing' and 'life-fulfilling'. But these words still seemed insufficient. Perhaps there were no words.

The other person in the dream was Edward Cullen. And she knew, with the absolute certainty that only dreams allow, that in the meadow, he loved her too. He had been lying perfectly still on the grass and Bella was holding his hand. They had been talking and although Bella wasn't sure what they had been saying, she knew that something had been resolved. The result was this overwhelming feeling of love.

Bella opened her eyes again, now that she was sure she would remember the dream. The intensity was so much like the dream that had started the Stanford series. She had been begging for the universe to send her another so that she could continue to write. And here, the universe had complied. She just didn't count on being in the dream herself.

She considered her options. Could she write a story about herself? _Absolutely not_. Could she write a story about Edward? _Definitely_. So could she just change her character into someone else? After considering this, she decided she could. Then she allowed herself to think of the story and her mind wandered off instantly into a different world, one where Edward Cullen fell absolutely in love with another woman.

She lay in bed for another thirty minutes thinking. Then, when she had thought enough, she jumped out of bed and started up her laptop. She threw on some clothes then walked over to the kettle. There she paused, ever so briefly, before making herself a cup of tea. She carried the tea back over to the small breakfast table by the window and sat down to write.

It was almost effortless. The bits about Edward were effortless. But she was surprised by how inconvenient it was, having to replace herself. She briefly wondered how other writers managed with only original characters.

Bella wrote all morning. She had written over two chapters and had even developed a bit of an outline for the book. It was refreshing to be writing again. And she was finally able to shrug off the sinking feeling she had been carrying around about not being able to write anymore. But then she had to tear herself away so she could keep her lunch appointment with Alice.

Alice Brandon had been Bella's best friend in high school. She was always outgoing, despite being one of the smallest people in school. Her personality was best described as bubbly, but she wasn't annoyingly so. She was the perfect balance to Bella's tendency to be too serious.

Alice had always been too good for Forks. Bella liked to think of Alice as sunshine and that Forks and its incessant cloud cover were holding her back. It turned out to be the case because Alice literally bloomed as soon as she graduated and left Forks behind. After only a year of studying design she landed a very sought-after position as a trainee designer at one of the leading fashion houses. Her impeccable taste and extreme efficiency, qualities that had actually bugged Bella, were highly desired in the world of fashion. Alice quickly rose through the ranks and was now a senior designer, a phenomenal achievement for her age.

Her love life was equally impressive. After a few very notable lovers, Alice met and then married Jasper Whitlock. Up until yesterday Bella would have told anyone that Jasper was the best looking man in the world. He was definitely the most charismatic. He was a successful businessman in his own right and was the perfect match for Alice. Bella really believed that Jasper and Alice Whitlock would be the only people who could rule the world, do a good job of it, _and_ manage to keep everyone happy.

When Alice left Forks, she and Bella grew apart. For a long time they had nothing in common; then Bella became a published author. When she was on her first book tour she looked Alice up. They were able to connect again as Alice was the only person that had any idea of what Bella was going through. It was nice to have someone to talk to. Now they saw each other every time Bella came to the city.

Bella would have to change. She couldn't show up to meet Alice in the clothes she had haphazardly thrown on in her haste to start writing. Alice would moan at her and then demand to take her shopping to find something appropriate. To avoid that Bella had a quick shower and then dressed in something suitably designer.

She was meeting Alice at a restaurant a few blocks away. Bella had decided to walk to try and clear her head and come back to the real world. It started to work a little, with the traffic and passersby keeping her head out of the clouds. But pretty soon her thoughts drifted back to Edward in the meadow, and then to Edward at lunch yesterday. Then she remembered that crooked smile.

Bella's foot chose that moment to fold in on itself and she very nearly face-planted into the sidewalk. Thankfully, she avoided facial injury by using her palms to break her fall. They were slightly grazed but at least that wouldn't be so obvious. She took a moment to collect herself before standing up and trying to walk. Again, she felt her cheeks redden from embarrassment.

Bella was no stranger to clumsiness. At school she was renowned for being uncoordinated and accident-prone. But as she got older her clumsiness subsided, as did her blushing. She was convinced both problems had been caused by puberty; the sudden growth making her more awkward and the hormones making her blush. By the time she was twenty, both problems were a thing of the past. She didn't tempt fate though. Sports were still out of the question.

But now, both problems seemed to have re-emerged overnight. Maybe it had more to do with her emotional state. She did feel like a teenager when she was at lunch with Edward. Maybe the sudden rush of emotions clouded her coordination and enhanced the blood vessels in her cheeks? She had no idea. At any rate, she was really going to have to start being more careful.

She made it to the restaurant in one piece. She mentioned 'Whitlock' and was quickly led to a table where a very busy looking Alice sat. Alice was deep in conversation on her phone. She looked up as Bella sat down and smiled broadly, quickly followed by a tiny grimace at Bella's hair. Bella looked at Alice's own hair. She was surprised to see Alice was wearing it short now. It was still black, as it had been since she discovered it matched her skin tone in senior year. But where she normally had long straight tresses, she now had short and spiky wisps. It looked incredibly stylish, and very Alice.

Alice finished sternly talking to the person on the phone and slid it shut.

"Bella!" Alice squealed as she stood up and headed towards Bella for a hug. Bella stood back up and was nearly bowled over by the force that the tiny Alice managed to exert as she threw her arms around her. Bella hugged back. She missed Alice, and she missed Alice's enthusiasm.

Alice released the hug and Bella noticed how she quickly scanned the outfit.

"You look lovely," Alice said approvingly.

"So do you," Bella answered, unnecessarily. Alice always looked stunning. "I like your hair, it really suits you."

Alice beamed. She just loved compliments. "I have a new hairdresser. He does amazing things with hair. We should definitely go together while you're in town," she suggested unsubtly as she glanced back to Bella's hair. Bella let it slide and instead explained that Mike liked her hair the way it is. Alice tried to hide her grimace at Mike's name, unsuccessfully. Bella was very aware of how Alice felt about Mike. She was totally on Renée's team.

The both took their seats at the table. "Well, we at least have to go shopping together. I saw what you wore on _The Morning Show_ yesterday. I told you to call me before you do an appearance."

Alice had told her that. And Bella had considered it, briefly. The problem was that Alice didn't really believe in dressing "like an author", as Bella put it. So instead of having Alice dress her, Bella had adopted a strategy of just not telling Alice when she was doing appearances.

"How did you even see that?" Bella had to hand it to Alice. You really couldn't get anything past her.

"I had my assistant TiVo it for me." Alice winked.

The waitress approached them and Alice ordered martinis and an antipasto plate. She made small talk about the latest fashion until the drinks arrived. She then picked hers up and clinked it to Bella's. She lifted it to her mouth and took a sip. Bella hastened to do the same.

"So what did you think of Edward?"

Bella almost sprayed her martini across the room. This was definitely the last thing she expected to come out of Alice's mouth. Again, Bella had the feeling that you just couldn't get anything past her.

She decided to play dumb, "Edward Cullen?"

"Yes, Edward Cullen." Alice rolled her eyes. She had no patience for dumb. "What did you think?"

Bella knew she could talk to Alice about Edward. Alice was completely trustworthy. But she also didn't want to give her the wrong idea.

"I think he's gorgeous." Again, being honest.

"He is," she agreed, "what else?"

"He seemed nice," Bella added carefully.

"How was lunch?" Alice asked with the sweetest smile on her lips. Bella hid her surprise by taking a sip of her drink as she stared at Alice. _How could she know?_

"How do you know?" she said out loud, a hint of panic in her voice. She watched as Alice's smile turned into a bit more of a smirk. Bella started to relax then. Alice clearly knew more than she was letting on; it wasn't that the whole world all of a sudden had learnt of her attraction to Edward Cullen.

"Jasper knows him." Again the smirk. "After I watched the interview, I got Jasper to call Edward and asked how his day had been; if anything interesting had happened..." Now she beamed, "He talked about you. _A lot_!"

This was something Bella hadn't expected. If she wanted, Alice would tell her everything that Edward had said. She could find out just how he felt about her. For the tiniest moment she considered that she didn't want to know that. But that was almost instantly replaced by an intense curiosity. Alice was sitting expectantly, still beaming.

"Okay. Spill."

And Alice did.

"At first he just mentioned that he had met you. That gave Jasper the opening to let him know you're a friend of ours. Well, that just opened the floodgates! Mostly, he went on about how he found you _fascinating_," Alice emphasised the word. "But he had loads of questions too. He even..." Alice paused and looked very intently into Bella's eyes. Bella had no idea what was coming, but all of a sudden she wasn't sure she wanted to hear it.

"He even asked if you were happily married." Bella's eyes widened. She actually heard her heart thump in her chest. The same ache she had felt earlier returned and she tried to not look pained.

"And what did Jasper say?" Bella kept her voice even but she couldn't give it the volume to make it sound unfazed.

"Jasper said he wasn't sure." Alice's eyebrow arched to let Bella know it was a question.

Bella was saved from an impromptu reply by the waitress bringing their food. She set the plate in the centre of the table between the two friends offering a polite 'Enjoy'. Alice broke her gaze away from Bella to order another two martinis. Bella thought it was probably precautionary; Alice thinking she had to get Bella drunk in order to loosen her lips. After the waitress left Alice returned her scrutiny to Bella.

Neither of them made a move to touch the food.

"You eat, I'll talk." Bella gestured for Alice to begin. She knew her own stomach was not really capable of accepting food just now. She did remind herself that she would need something to go with her lunchtime martinis though.

"Mike and I are fine." Bella began. A brief look of disappointment flashed across Alice's face. She bit into an olive to cover it up.

"Edward is," Bella searched for an adequate adjective and failed, settling on "amazing." It would have to do. Bella filled Alice in on the details of how they met and how they ended up going to lunch. She glossed over what they talked about, none of it being particularly earth shattering.

"But then, at the very end, he smiled at me and it was a bit scary the way my body reacted to it." Bella paused to consider her words. Alice had stopped chewing. She noticed and started again.

"I actually blushed Alice. And then, as I was leaving, I tripped. I didn't fall, but I stumbled. It's been years since I behaved this way." If anyone would understand the significance of these things, it was Alice. She had been present during the worst of Bella's awkwardness.

As if sensing that Bella needed some confirmation that this was significant Alice nodded. So Bella continued.

"I was pretty freaked out afterwards. I went straight back to the hotel and sort of fell apart. But then, I called Mike and we talked, and he made everything feel alright again."

"You told Mike?"Alice was shocked.

"Well, not everything. I told him that I had lunch with Edward. And that Edward is very good-looking." Alice scoffed as if to say that 'good-looking' was an understatement.

"I also told him that Edward had asked me to lunch tomorrow." Bella could see that Alice was already aware of the plans for lunch on Thursday. She still looked amazed that Mike was now aware too.

"And what did Mike have to say?" she asked. She wasn't entirely able to keep the disdain out of her voice whenever she mentioned his name.

"He said that Edward had to pay." Now it was Bella's turn to smirk. Alice just rolled her eyes at what she probably thought was a stupid thing for Mike to say. She examined the antipasto for something else to try.

"Well, it will be his loss." Bella could literally see the comment fall out of Alice's mouth. Alice immediately looked horrified at herself and closed her mouth. She lifted her eyes to Bella's and they were sincerely sorry.

"Bella, I didn't mean for that..."

Bella cut her off. "It's okay Alice. I know you didn't mean it. But it won't be like that. Mike and I are solid. Edward is nice and I really enjoyed his company. But my future is with Mike. Surely you can see that. That phone call yesterday just made me more certain about that than ever before."

Alice didn't look convinced. She picked at piece of meat while she considered Bella's words.

"So are you still going to lunch?" she asked. Her face gave nothing away but Bella knew she wanted her to go.

Bella's eyes actually sparkled a little. She lifted her drink to her lips and took a sip before speaking.

"Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet."

Alice's face broke into a huge grin and then they both giggled at how ridiculous that sounded.

Three martinis, two espresso coffees, and one piece of chocolate cake later, Bella walked very carefully out of the restaurant and in to a taxi. There was no way her legs would get her back to the hotel unscathed now.

* * *


	3. The Sweetest Touch

**A/N: ****Thanks to everyone who has given me feedback on the story so far, to PTB for the awesome beta work, to Sobriquett for making sure everything flows, and to Roo for validation!**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

* * *

Bella was back in the meadow with Edward. He was giving her that delicious crooked smile and his eyes had been staring at her lips. She felt his breath, warm against her cheeks, and then tasted it as it breezed past her mouth. He leaned forward, just the tiniest degree, and she had followed, inching closer to him. Then she decided to just do it and was moving her mouth towards his, closing her eyes and breathing in his scent.

She never made it. Instead she was now awake, eager, confused, and the memory of almost kissing Edward, even in dream form, made her cringe with guilt. Though, it didn't stop her from staying in bed and rerunning the scene in her mind a few times.

The dream hadn't been as vivid as the previous night's. Instinctively she knew this wasn't a 'book inspiring' dream; more of a manifestation of her desires. The feelings and emotions weren't clear to her and she had no idea what the Edward in this dream was feeling. She only knew what she had been feeling. The colours were all wrong too, almost like it was cloudy.

As Bella opened her eyes and eyed the hotel room she realised that the cloudy was present there too. _That's odd_.

She searched her mind for a cause to the cloudiness. Then she remembered the martinis--and Alice.

Lunch with Alice had been both a godsend and a nightmare.

Alice had always had a sixth sense about things. Bella was able to talk to her about Edward and that had been great, but at the same time there were things Bella didn't want to mention. She knew Alice could tell she was editing.

She didn't talk about just how much Edward had affected her. Of course, she had mentioned the lunch and how well they had gotten along; how attractive he was and how she had resumed blushing and being clumsy. But she didn't mention just how much of her time she spent thinking about Edward, and she didn't mention the dream.

At first, it was just instinctual that she didn't mention the dream. It was just a dream after all, so in essence it was completely innocent and harmless. In hindsight, Bella was right to follow her instincts on that one, because the dream would one day be a book, and when it was, there was no way Bella could risk Alice knowing that was how she felt about Edward. No way. Not a chance.

Alice, being Alice, had sensed that Bella was holding out, so she had questioned and prodded and it damn near worked. Bella had tried all sorts of distractions: fashion, gossip, even broaching the subject of hair. Bella had a sudden recollection of talking about a book signing she had to do and asking Alice for advice on what to wear.

_Oh God!_

She had agreed to let Alice dress her.

After the fourth martini, Bella had almost told Alice everything. Thankfully, she had been saved by Jasper. He had called and reminded Alice they had a function to attend. Alice gave a tipsy giggle as she hung up the phone and gestured to the waitress. She ordered four espressos with dessert and ceased the questioning as she instead focused on sobering up.

Bella had been very grateful for the coffees. It had been a long time since she had drank that much and her head had been starting to swirl. The coffees allowed her enough focus to make it back to the hotel. The only thing that prevented her from climbing straight into bed was a call from Mike. He could tell straight away that she had been drinking.

"Lunch with Alice?" was all he asked and he didn't even need the confirmation. 'Drunk Bella' usually only came out when Alice was around. He had chuckled a bit at Bella's lack of coherency before telling her to go to bed and wishing her goodnight.

Bella picked her phone up off the bedside table and checked it. She hardly ever received calls but it was quite likely if anyone did call last night she would have slept right through it. There was nothing there.

She stood up and tested her equilibrium. She seemed steady enough so she made her way to the shower, determined to wash the cloudiness away and regain her focus.

The shower was long and hot. She let it steam up her sinuses, clearing out the fog. She felt it soothe the tension in her back and neck that had been building up over the last two days. She let it wash the faint smell of martinis from her hair.

The shower refreshed Bella significantly. Wrapped in her toweling robe, she made herself an instant coffee and mentally prepared herself for the day ahead.

It was Thursday, the day Bella had agreed to have lunch with Edward. She still needed to call him to find out where and when, though. She thought a good strong curse at Alice for her sixth sense to pick up. It was originally Bella's intention to call Edward when she got back to the hotel, but given the amount of cocktails that had been consumed and her resulting condition, it wasn't really an option. Instead she had decided to call in the morning--when she was feeling better. _Huh!_

She picked up her satchel from the floor and placed it on the table. In her haste to leave Edward after lunch she had just thrown the napkin in her bag, and now she had to furrow through to find it. She located it at the bottom, looking a bit worn, but still legible.

She took a long sip of her coffee while she stared at the number. He had very neat handwriting; a clear, elegant script. Perfect. Everything about him was perfect. Right then, Bella was feeling far less than perfect so she decided she should address that before attempting to call.

Bella opened her suitcase and retrieved her favourite jeans and a blue blouse that she could wear under her jacket. She had a quick look in the mirror at her hair and decided that maybe Alice was right; she should ask her about an appointment with her new hairdresser. With that thought she grabbed a hair band and pulled her long, damp locks into a ponytail.

She returned to the table, staring at the napkin while she took another sip of her coffee. It was cold now, so she tipped it down the sink. Thinking to get in the right frame of mind, she made herself a cup of tea. She returned to the table and sat down. Now she had officially run out of things to do.

She picked her cell phone up and flipped it open. She dialled the number on the napkin and listened to her heart thump and her breathing pick up.

It rang three times before someone answered.

"Hello?"

His voice was so soft and husky that Bella's skin tingled. She tried to focus.

"Edward, hi. It's Bella, Bella Swan," she added, in case he wasn't sure. She could hear lots of rustling in the background and Edward's own breath exhaled noisily into the phone.

"Bella. I was starting to think you were backing out." He sounded a little husky. "I thought you would have called by now."

"No, I've just been busy. " Again there was rustling. The noises were a little distracting. "Is everything okay Edward? Did I call at a bad time?" she asked. He was definitely doing something.

"Truthfully," he replied, "you woke me up, so I'm just getting out of bed." The word 'bed' coming out of his mouth sent more tingles through Bella. Her mind started conjuring images of Edward half naked and wrapped in sheets. The sound of running water being splashed on his face broke her out of her musings.

"I'm sorry I woke you up," she offered apologetically. She hadn't really considered that he wouldn't be awake. It was after 9 am.

"Don't be sorry. I needed to get up. I just had a late interview last night. Then I couldn't sleep so I stayed up reading." Bella's heart gave an even bigger thump at this news: he was a reader too. "I'm still okay for today though. How about you?" he asked.

"I'm a little worse for wear but I'm still keen," she said, smiling to herself. She wouldn't look too out of sorts with him being under-slept. It made her feel better about today.

"I found a little bookstore downtown the other day that had some really nice food," Edward started.

Bella cringed and had to cut him off, "Anywhere other than a bookstore." She really had to put her foot down on that one. Bookstores were the one place she could guarantee she'd be recognised.

"Um, okay." Then the understanding kicked in, "Sorry Bella, I didn't think of that. I just kind of associate you with books so... never mind. I'm sure I'll think of somewhere else. I know this great little deli..." He was making a joke so she giggled; just like a teenager. Then she realised it was quite possible he didn't know where else they could go.

"There's a restaurant that I like to go to when I'm in the city. It's small and unassuming. How about we meet there?" she offered. She had been there every time she visited; the food was good and the staff had always been friendly.

"That sounds great, Bella." She grinned as she noticed the genuine relief in his voice and gave herself a point.

They talked for a little longer. She gave him directions to the restaurant and also her cell number, then they agreed to meet at noon. Bella said goodbye and closed her cell while again the butterflies started straining against her stomach.

* * *

Bella was early.

She had tried just hanging around the hotel room but that didn't do anything for the nerves that had inconveniently shown up after the phone call. She tried writing but found herself picturing Edward in love with her...well, her character, which also did nothing for her nerves. Finally, she just gave in and caught a cab to the restaurant to sit, and to drink coffee.

Having skipped breakfast, she ordered a muffin when she first sat down. It had kept her fingers busy while she pulled it apart and ate. Then when she ran out of muffin, she ordered more coffee.

At 11:30am she was considering whether she should go for a short walk to try and pass the time. She glanced over at the door to judge how cold it was just as Edward stepped through. He was early too.

He came in and looked around at the tables, trying to find somewhere to sit. As his eyes glanced in Bella's direction he froze. Then he smiled and headed her way.

Bella drank in the sight of him. He was dressed more casually today, jeans and a tan sweater under his jacket, but he still looked fantastic. His hair was quite messy and she remembered how he dragged his hands through it when they were in the green room. It looked like he had been doing that a lot today.

He reached the table and pulled out the chair across from Bella, still smiling his boyish smile. Bella thought how she preferred this smile. It was still cute, but had the added benefit of not rendering her speechless.

"And I thought I was early," Edward laughed as he sat down.

Bella felt a very faint blush creep into her cheeks.

"I was a little bored at the hotel." It was the truth, sort of.

"I was just scared I'd never find the place," he replied. "I didn't want to keep you waiting if I got lost." He stopped a bit abruptly; like he had said too much. Bella noticed the tiniest hint of a blush on Edward's own cheeks and sympathised.

The waitress had seen that Bella was no longer alone. She grabbed some menus and approached their table, her gaze fixed on Edward. When she reached them she flipped a strand of her short black hair behind one ear and smiled with unnecessary warmth.

"Hello. My name is Amber, and I'll be your server. What can I get you to drink?" The waitress placed the menus down on the table and flapped her eyelashes at Edward. Bella was a little stunned at the blatant way the waitress was flirting with him and ignoring her presence. It was the same waitress she'd had all morning. She had brought her coffees and a muffin so she knew that Bella was there. But now she was entirely focused on Edward and she was flirting, _for crying out loud_!

To Bella's extreme satisfaction Edward didn't even seem to have noticed the waitress' pouty lips and seductive stance. He gazed across at Bella's now empty cup of coffee.

"Two coffees," he said, without glancing at the waitress. Bella beamed.

"I'll be right back with that." The waitress' smile had lost a little of its warmth. She finally acknowledged Bella's presence by collecting the empty cup from in front of her, sans the warm smile.

Bella's own smile showed her amusement as she watched the waitress rush off to the bar. She turned her eyes back to Edward and was surprised to see him staring at her chest. He causally looked back up to Bella's eyes in a way that showed he was just looking, and not ogling.

"That colour blue looks lovely with your skin," he complimented.

_Could this man be any more perfect?_

"Thank you," Bella muttered. Again, she felt her cheeks start to blush.

All of a sudden she was at a total loss as to what to say. She had hoped to avoid the topic of Alice and Jasper as she didn't want Edward to think she was privy to his conversation. Right now though, she needed something to talk about, some common ground.

"I had lunch with my friend Alice yesterday," she began. "She said her husband Jasper is a friend of yours?"

Edward looked a little surprised but then smiled again. "I take it Alice is responsible for you feeling a little 'under the weather'?" The corner of his mouth curved up. "Jasper said she is a little fond of lunchtime cocktails."

"She is. But you'd think I'd learn. I swear I do this every time I visit her."

"Well, in your defense, lunchtime cocktails are fun; though rarely a good idea," he chuckled at what Bella assumed was a personal memory.

"How did you meet Jasper?" Bella asked. Edward looked thoughtful for a moment before answering.

"I met Jasper in England years ago. He acquired some business here and one of its subsidiaries is this little production company in London. It's the company that's behind a lot of the stage shows I've been in. Anyway, he came to one of the shows and hung around to meet the cast. I swear the guy just oozes charisma. Everyone there was hanging on his every word." Bella nodded in agreement. Jasper had that effect on people.

"I think I had a bit of a man-crush on him to begin with," Edward smiled sheepishly. "But we stayed in contact. He came over to London pretty regularly and we would always try to catch up. I actually saw more of him over there though. Now we're in the same country and I swear I still have to schedule a beer about three months in advance." Bella laughed at that. Although not as busy as Jasper, Alice still had to be scheduled.

"How do you know Alice?" Edward asked.

"I went to high school with Alice," she revealed. He looked honestly surprised.

"Alice grew up in Forks?"

"Hard to imagine, I know. She was always too good for that place. She left straight after school and we didn't see each other for years. But now it's like we were never apart." Bella thought again of her bubbly friend and her perfectly matched husband.

"They're perfect for each other," Edward said, echoing her exact thoughts.

"Yes," Bella agreed.

The waitress returned with their espressos and placed them in front of Edward, as if he was having them both.

"Are you ready to order?" Again, the waitress only addressed Edward. Bella was seriously rethinking her earlier statement about the staff always being friendly.

Edward gestured for Bella to go first. She looked at the menu and located her favourite.

"The mushroom ravioli," she said, handing her menu back to the waitress. The waitress grudgingly accepted both the order and the menu. She looked as though she would have preferred to just ignore her. Then Edward spoke and her demeanour completely changed.

"Make that two." Edward was handing his own menu back but his eyes were still on Bella and he was smiling again. The waitress hovered for a second longer than necessary to see if she would get a smile, then gave up and left.

Bella's eyes followed the waitress back to the bar. She was talking to another waitress and they were both looking toward their table. It suddenly dawned on Bella why the waitress was so attentive to Edward.

"I think you may have a fan," Bella observed out loud, still looking over at the waitress.

Edward's own eyes looked over and watched the staff. The other waitress noticed Edward looking and panicked. She picked up some glasses and went to move them at the same time that the rude waitress noticed Edward looking. She panicked too, and spun around, embarrassed. She bumped the first waitress and one of the glasses she had been holding smashed to the ground. Bella turned away at this point, all too familiar with embarrassing accidents to take any pleasure in the scene.

Edward also looked away. His cheeks were slightly flushed and the tiniest hint of a smile was present on his lips. He was trying to look indifferent to the whole episode, but Bella could see that he was enjoying it.

A small part of her was disappointed that he was pleased with the impact he had on these two girls. As silly as it was, she was jealous. She was jealous that these girls were attracted to Edward. She was jealous that Edward enjoyed it. And she was jealous because she worried that on some level, it made her attraction to Edward less intense if others felt it too.

Edward's face had changed now and he clearly looked embarrassed. Whether it was for the waitress, or himself, it wasn't clear. But Bella didn't care. Embarrassed was better than pleased.

Edward spooned some sugar into his coffee and stirred it in.

"It's the first time that's happened here," he confessed. "Sometimes people would recognise me in London, but it was usually only older ladies and theatre enthusiasts," he said the last bit sarcastically and chuckled a bit to himself. "I've been pretty anonymous here, so far." He glanced back over towards where the waitresses had been. "I guess the appearances are working then."

He sounded relieved and Bella was a little confused by that; she didn't enjoy public attention at all. She accepted it as a necessary part of being a published author, but she didn't invite it. Every tour there was the same argument with her agent and they would always compromise. She did the bare minimum number of interviews and appearances that the publishers would accept.

Edward was just starting out though. He didn't have an existing fan base that he could count on like she did. The more Bella considered it, the clearer it became. Edward didn't know if he was a success. The movie hadn't been a 'box office smash'. No one was recognising him on the streets. She guessed those things would worry her if their positions were reversed.

"Have you had any other offers for roles?" she asked, fishing for confirmation of her thoughts.

"Only a few. And none of them have been remotely tempting." His hands were again doing that thing were they caressed the coffee cup, his fingers running up and down the handle. His touch was so sure, yet so light.

"Are you worried?" Bella asked.

His eyes left the cup and looked up into Bella's. "Am I that obvious?"

With that answer Bella had her confirmation, and she gained another point.

She grinned, partly for her point, but mostly at Edward's words. Edward smiled back and continued to look at Bella as he spoke.

"My agent isn't worried. He knows he'll be able to find something for me to do. And if things look bad he'll be able to push me into one of those less tempting roles," he scoffed. "In the meantime though, I just wait. I'm stuck here without my things, and I can't bring them over to settle until I know that there's something worth sticking around for." The frustration was clear in his voice.

Bella tried to empathise but her own experience was so far removed from his. Instead, she comforted him.

"I have no doubt that this will work for you. You're ridiculously handsome and from what I've heard you can actually act. This," Bella gestured towards where the waitress had been, "is only the beginning. Before you know it you will have swarms of teenage girls following your every move." Bella's earlier aversion to the waitress vanished. If that was what Edward needed then she welcomed all forms of female adoration.

Edward rolled his eyes at the last bit and Bella giggled. It was cut short though when a young man with downcast eyes and greasy hair suddenly appeared at their table. He placed their lunch in front of them and barely mumbled "Enjoy your meal" before returning behind the bar. There was a strong lingering odour of raw onions from where he had been standing. Edward must have noticed the scent as well.

"I think we just had the pleasure of meeting the kitchen hand," he laughed.

Bella laughed too. "Those poor girls, Edward. They must be horrified. If they ever get up the nerve to come back out you should be nice to them. Make them feel better." She was teasing him but she also thought it couldn't hurt to alleviate their embarrassment. She had spent a good part of her life red-faced after clumsy incidents.

"And just what would you suggest I do?" he asked before starting on his ravioli.

Bella tasted her own while she thought about her answer.

"Some eye contact ought to do the trick," she replied, remembering the waitress' earlier attempts to get Edward to look at her. "And you could always dazzle her with one of those smiles," she added cheekily.

Edward scoffed but waited until he had swallowed to speak.

"Dazzle?" he asked. Bella just chuckled. He knew what she was talking about. How could he not? "Do I dazzle you?" he asked, trying to appear earnest but not truly being able to hide the amusement in his eyes.

Bella placed another piece of ravioli in her mouth to avoid a verbal response. He was still staring at her though, waiting for an answer. So she raised her eyebrows at him in a way that clearly said _"Like you don't remember."_

She watched his face as comprehension dawned. He was remembering back to the little deli and how she had been rendered speechless. He looked back down at his lunch with a thoughtful expression muttering a low "huh."

They both continued eating their lunch and a few minutes passed in silence. Bella was busy musing over that first meeting again. She felt the colour flooding her cheeks as she recalled how embarrassed she had been. Then she tried desperately to think of something else so she could return to her normal skin tone. Grasping for any topic of conversation she remembered her writing.

"I've started a new book," she began. "It's been a long time since I've written anything. I was starting to worry if I still could..." she trailed off, suddenly certain that this was not the best topic of conversation. Edward was still eating, but he had been listening closely.

"What's it about?"

Such an innocent question and yet Bella had no idea how to answer it. She stalled by taking another piece of ravioli and chewed it carefully while considering her response. Answering honestly would give away too much.

"I haven't really made much progress. " It was a lame response she knew, but she wasn't comfortable discussing any of it, especially with Edward of all people. She waited for him to pry but instead he surprised her.

"You know, I still haven't read any of your books." He lifted his last piece of ravioli into his mouth.

"Well now, that is just unacceptable." She grinned, extremely relieved for the change in topic. "Perhaps I will have to send you some copies."

"Actually," Edward started, while lining his knife and fork up on his plate, "I passed a bookstore on the way here. Maybe we can go for a walk and you can help me find them?"

Bella didn't try to suppress the grimace that appeared on her face, but when she saw Edward's reaction to it she wished she had. He looked annoyed at himself, but more than that he looked rejected. He started apologising and she heard the words "too forward" before she cut him off.

"No, it's not that, Edward." Now he just looked completely lost. "It's a bookstore. I just try to avoid them."

Relief washed over his face. "I forgot about that."

"I can still have them sent to you?" Bella offered again, trying to make things right.

Edward laughed a bit. "The last time I checked, I was still able to enter a bookstore unnoticed. I think I can handle it."

Bella laughed too, glad that he was okay with it. She picked her last piece of ravioli up on her fork and placed it in her mouth and pushed her plate to the side. She then finished her coffee.

The waitress must have regained her nerve as she approached the table at the sight of the empty plates. Bella smiled at her warmly but was again ignored. The waitress leaned over to retrieve the plates then carefully stacked them in her left hand and collected the cups with her right.

"Can I get you anything else?" she asked. Bella noticed the timidness in her voice and the way she kept her eyes cast down. She hadn't entirely regained her nerves after all.

Edward shot Bella a very quick glance and winked. He turned back to the waitress and looked directly at her, waiting for her to meet his eyes. She succumbed almost immediately, raising her eyes to looks into Edward's. She was a little stunned.

"Just the check please." It was the simplest statement, but Edward followed it with the same crooked smile that had made Bella lose her footing. The waitress' eyes widened and her bottom lip dropped to reveal a gaping mouth. Bella now had some idea of how she must have looked when Edward had smiled at her like that.

The waitress handled it much better than she had though. She recovered faster and was actually able to mutter an intelligible "okay" before tearing her gaze away from Edward's stunning green eyes. She turned and walked, stumble free, back to the bar to retrieve the bill.

Edward's eyes followed her. Bella could only imagine he was a little pleased with how effective it had been.

"That was either very nice of you or not nice at all," Bella said honestly. The waitress would have recovered some of her self-esteem, but no man was ever going to look as good to her as Edward had at that moment. Edward just smiled to himself.

The waitress was heading back towards them now, carrying a small folder.

"Here you are." She placed the folder down on the table between Bella and Edward. She didn't stay though, just wished them a nice day before disappearing back behind the bar.

Bella reached into her satchel to find her purse.

"I asked you to lunch, remember?" Edward stated. Bella watched as he slipped some money into the folder.

"Well, thank you for lunch," she said. "Perhaps I can repay the favour. Would you like to join me for lunch again?" It had popped out of her mouth before she really considered it. She would just have to cross her fingers that Mike wouldn't mind her having lunch with Edward--again.

"I'm free tomorrow," he said, without a second thought.

"Tomorrow isn't the best time. I have a book signing in the morning and it may go later than intended."

"Is that at a bookstore?" His tone was mocking and he had a large smirk on his face.

Bella let out a little groan. "I'm contractually obligated to go. It's the only time I can't avoid them. How about Saturday instead?"

Edward furrowed his brow. "How about Saturday night?"

This was a little different. For Bella, dinner was something more intimate than lunch. She quickly examined Edward's face. He didn't seem to be concerned with the jump from lunch to dinner. Maybe there wasn't any difference? She had no idea if Mike thought there was, so she figured she had better check with him first.

"How about I call you later and we can figure it out?" she asked.

Edward just smiled as if he understood, "Sure. You have my number."

"Thanks," she said, relieved he didn't ask any questions. "And thanks again for lunch. It was really very nice." She looped the satchel strap around her neck and stood up, but then she hesitated. If she walked out now there was every chance that she would stumble again, or worse, and Edward would be behind her and see everything.

Almost as if he sensed her problem Edward stood as well.

"It was my pleasure." He turned and headed out of the restaurant. Bella followed closely behind and didn't even make a sound when she immediately stubbed her toe on the floor.

Edward held the door open for her and she very carefully stepped out on to the street. Edward followed and then they were both just standing there, facing each other. Bella's mind pointed out to her that this is when people would normally share a kiss farewell. She felt the blush crawl into her cheeks again and hurried to think of something else.

But then Edward raised his hand slowly. She was expecting him to cup her cheek and lean in to kiss her. Her panic fit was short-lived though, as instead of cupping her cheek, his finger lightly touched the skin at the top of her cheekbone. Her eyes fluttered closed and she had a sharp intake of breath from the feel of him against her face.

His touch was so sure, yet so light, keeping a constant pressure as he trailed it along her cheek. It was soft and warm and left a blaze along its path that quickly spread to the rest of Bella's face. She knew she was blushing, and she also didn't care. This was a moment of such intense joy that nothing else mattered.

She opened her eyes to see him. He looked so peaceful, but then his hand dropped slowly away from her face and the look became pained.

"I'm so sorry," he said quietly.

Bella's own emotions were screaming at her. It was such an innocent gesture and yet the feelings it stirred in her were so wrong. She couldn't have him carry that burden. That belonged to her.

"Don't be." She wanted to make this better so she reached out and clasped his hand in both of hers. His skin was so smooth and pale and she turned his hand over in hers, taking in every inch of perfection. She traced her own fingers down the length of his hand and then linked her fingers around his. She tensed ever so slightly as the sensation from their touch started to spread up her arm.

"This is okay." Her voice was slightly breathless. The sensation was spreading to her chest now, but she welcomed it.

His hand responded to that and he curled his fingers back around hers, tightening their grip. Then he pulled her very gently to follow him. He stopped only a few feet away and it was then she realised he was standing next to a taxi.

He opened the door for her and she climbed in. She turned back towards him and watched as he closed the door. His eyes were so soft as he smiled, the boyish one this time.

"Bye Bella."

He tapped loudly on the roof of the taxi and it lurched away from the sidewalk. Bella could only stare at him as they drove away.

He had stopped it. The shock of that sent her heart thumping in panic. She would happily have pulled Edward into the taxi with her and then gone anywhere with him. Maybe even to be _with_ him. But nothing had happened because Edward didn't follow her. He pushed her away when it was too close.

As horrified as Bella was with her lack of control, she was also incredibly grateful to Edward. Edward, who was a gentleman. She suddenly knew she had nothing to fear. She could be safe with him.

Just as she was completely wallowing in competing thoughts of elation and guilt, her phone beeped with a message; she pulled it out of her satchel and noticed it was from Alice. She opened it and read:

On my way. See you in 30 mins.


	4. Let Me Sign

**A/N: Big thanks to everyone who reviewed and left me some thoughts. They fill my otherwise empty inbox and make my day (almost sounds dirty...)**

**Also, thanks to Project Team Beta and Sobriquett for pointing out my flaws, and helping me to fix them. And to Roo, whose encouraging words make me feel less silly for doing this.**

**A brilliant fic was rec'd to me the other day. I read it, and I love it. It's by The Black Arrow and is called the Blessing and the Curse. It's in my favs list. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

* * *

Bella was tempted to run, but she knew that it was a bad idea. Instead, she carefully climbed out of the cab and walked briskly into the hotel foyer. She had exactly one minute to spare until Alice arrived.

It was a blessing that Alice was coming now. Instead of wallowing in the taxi about her behaviour, Bella had instead been thrust into a frantic dash to get back to the hotel before Alice showed up. She had to rush because no one kept Alice waiting-she could be a downright bitch when she wanted.

Bella had stupidly agreed to let Alice be her stylist whilst under the influence of several martinis. Given that Bella had a book signing in the morning, she wasn't surprised that Alice was visiting her, no doubt with some designer clothes for her to borrow. The timing, however, had Bella suspecting Alice had an ulterior motive. The woman had a photographic memory and she knew Bella just had lunch with Edward. She would want all the details.

Bella had made it through the foyer safely and was waiting at the elevator when she heard Alice squeal from behind.

"Bella!" She turned and saw Alice striding towards her. She had always been so jealous of Alice's grace. In all the years Bella had known Alice, she had never seen her stumble—not once. Alice was in impossibly high heels, but she may as well have been in sneakers; they made only the softest clicking noises as the stilettos hit the floor.

As usual, Alice was dressed impeccably. She had on a beautiful green satin dress with a skinny black belt. On anyone else it would look ostentatious, but on Alice, it just looked perfect.

In her arms she had several garment bags and Bella stepped forward to take them from her. They looked too big for Alice to be carrying.

Alice's face was flushed with excitement. "I want you to tell me everything. And we only have one hour." She pointed at her designer watch. "Chop chop."

A small 'ping' announced that the elevator had arrived. They moved aside to let a few people out and then filed in with an older couple.

"There's not that much to tell. We had lunch. It was nice." Bella tried to keep her voice down.

Alice, on the other hand, never had issues with drawing attention to herself, so she didn't bother to talk quietly. "Bella, you know damn well that you have to do better than that."

Bella looked straight at Alice and then shot a pointed glance in the direction of the couple. It was her way of saying she wasn't comfortable talking in front of them. Alice just rolled her eyes. She didn't have time for discretion.

They didn't have to wait long though as the couple left on the next floor. As soon as the doors closed, Alice turned and looked expectantly at Bella.

Bella sighed and then began telling Alice about her lunch, and this time, she told her _everything_. She didn't pause when they reached her floor, and she didn't pause when she had to hand the garment bags back to Alice so she could unlock the door. They stepped through and Bella continued to tell Alice every detail she could remember.

Alice stayed as silent as possible, only muttering the occasional 'oh' or 'huh'. She was busily going about her work while she listened intently to everything Bella had to say. Only once did she really interrupt. She had been spreading the garment bags out on the bed when there was a knock on the door.

"That'll be our cocktails." She winked at Bella before answering it.

Bella was in the bathroom trying on one of the dresses so she couldn't see what Alice was doing, but sure enough, Alice returned with two martinis and an even bigger smile.

"Oh Alice, no! You know I have to work tomorrow." Bella could not go to a book signing feeling the way she had this morning.

"It's just one cocktail, Bella. We can't have gossip and fashion and not have a cocktail." Apparently, this was the law according to Alice.

Bella huffed but accepted the drink. "Just one." She scowled at Alice.

"Just one," she agreed. "Now keep going."

So Bella did. Alice continued to help her dress and undress, handing her the martini in between outfit changes. She giggled when Bella told her about the dazzling of the waitress, and she briefly paused when Bella mentioned the open invitation for dinner on Saturday night.

Then Bella told her about the touching and Alice gave up the pretense of dressing her.

"You like him that way?" Alice didn't sound pleased or excited like Bella had expected. Instead she sounded—sad?

"I think I do. But thankfully he has a much higher moral ground than me, so nothing happened." Alice simply handed her the martini and went back to fitting her into the dress.

"I guess I did need this after all." Bella smiled as she accepted the drink and finished it off.

"Well," Alice began, "are you going to see him again?"

"It seems that I'm a total masochist, so that would be a yes." Alice didn't argue with her on that one, so Bella assumed she agreed.

Alice pulled up the zipper and stepped back to admire a fully clothed Bella for the fifth time.

"This is the one."

"Oh thank God." Bella couldn't help it—she had never been dressed so many times in her life. And for all intents and purposes, she thought every outfit looked just fine.

She turned to look in the mirror at Alice's latest effort. Alice's face was beaming in the background of her reflection. The dress was chocolate brown, almost the same color as Bella's eyes. It was a soft fabric that wrapped around her body and gave the appearance of curves. It had a low, square neckline that hinted at cleavage but didn't show any. And despite Bella's earlier thoughts she actually did love it.

"Oh wait—just one more thing." Alice whipped the belt off her own waist and fastened it to Bella. "Beautiful," she stated as she stepped back again. Bella honestly didn't see how that could make much of a difference, but when she returned to her reflection she could see that her hips and bust were more accentuated. She had to hand it to Alice—the woman was a genius.

"Alice, it looks fantastic. And I think I can even still pass for an author," she added with a smile.

Alice's face wore a self-satisfied expression. "Oh shucks, Bella. You don't need to stroke my ego though—I know I'm good. Now let's get these off before you trip and ruin them." Her fingers quickly undid the belt and then she gently pulled the zipper down Bella's back. She returned to the bed and gathered the other outfits together, while Bella undressed.

Bella slid the dress off as carefully as possible, not wanting to wrinkle it in any way. She returned it to the hanger and then dressed in her jeans and blouse from earlier.

She left the bathroom and found Alice standing over the garment bags looking like she was in some kind of trance.

"Alice?"

Alice jumped the tiniest amount as if she was startled. She didn't look up as she spoke to Bella.

"Bella, I think you should go to dinner with Edward." The expression on Alice's face was thoughtful. Bella got the impression that Alice was being very serious.

"I already said I was. I'm just going to check with Mike, but I'm sure it will be fine with him," she explained.

Alice's eyes finally left the garment bags as she looked up at Bella. "No, Bella. I think it's important that you go—even if Mike doesn't want you to." She said it slowly, almost reluctantly. The sincerity was evident on her face. This wasn't just about her aversion to Mike.

"Alice, what's wrong?" Bella suddenly had a sinking feeling that Alice wasn't telling her something, but then Alice sighed and the tension disappeared from her face.

"I'm okay, Bella. Nothing's wrong." She looked self-conscious as she glanced around and then busied herself by re-stacking the garment bags. "I just think you should have some fun while you're here," she continued.

"But not too much fun, right?" Bella said, only half joking. She was a little disturbed by Alice's words. Was she really encouraging her to be with Edward?

"Not too much fun," Alice replied with a small giggle. Bella relaxed as she decided Alice wasn't being the head cheerleader for infidelity. Maybe she did just want Bella to have a good time.

"Well, my hour's up. I have to get back to the office." Alice draped the bags over her arm and picked up her purse with the other. Then she leaned towards Bella to place a kiss on her cheek. "I'll be back tomorrow at four p.m. Make sure you're here."

"Alice, I don't have any more public appearances, so I don't need any more outfits." Bella rolled her eyes. As much as she did like the outfit Alice chose, she wasn't about to start being dressed by her every day.

"Oh yes, you do. You need something worthy of date night." A mischievous grin spread across Alice's little face and then she turned and gracefully walked towards the door.

Bella didn't even have a chance to complain. She let out a frustrated groan but by then Alice had reached the door and was winking at Bella as she spun through and closed it behind her. She was so fast sometimes.

"It isn't necessary," Bella yelled at the door. It made her feel a little better.

* * *

Bella stretched her arms and fingers before picking up her cell, which was incessantly ringing at her. Except for typing, she hadn't moved for over two hours from the little table she was using as a desk.

The screen showed it was Mike calling. Although she hadn't been intentionally avoiding him, she also wasn't looking forward to this conversation either.

She flipped open her cell, "Hi Mike."

"Hi baby. I've been waiting for your call." Bella ignored the little lump of guilt in her chest.

"I've been busy—writing," she replied lamely, as if that explained everything.

"At this rate, you'll be finished by the time you get home. I'm not complaining—it'd be great if you were," Mike said hopefully. Bella had more time for everything when she wasn't mid-book...Mike included.

She laughed at that. "I think it's a long way from finished. But at this rate it should be done by spring."

"I'll hold you to it. So, how did you shape up this morning?" He was asking cautiously, and then Bella vaguely recalled the last time she talked to Mike.

"It wasn't pretty," she confessed. "Damned martinis."

"Well maybe next time you'll learn, hmm?" He was making fun of her. Every time she saw Alice, she drank too many cocktails, and every time she would tell herself she wouldn't do it next time. "So did you spend the day in bed?" he asked.

"I had lunch with Edward today." Did he really not remember?

"Oh yeah. And how did that go?" This was the part Bella had been dreading. She had successfully avoided thinking about her lunch with Edward since Alice had left. It had been easier than she expected though—she had an overwhelming need to just write.

She stood up from the table so she could pace.

"It was great. Edward caused quite a stir with the waitresses," she said, trying to keep it light.

"Just so long as he didn't create a stir with my wife." He didn't even sound fazed. Bella let out a nervous chuckle that was supposed to be mocking, but instead was sure to give her away.

"Completely unstirred," she lied, and then continued before he could notice. "I had a good time though. He's really a nice, normal guy. And he knows Jasper and Alice."

Mike didn't respond for a minute. Bella could hear him opening the fridge and then the clink of glass as he pulled out what she thought was a bottle of beer.

"I thought you said he didn't know anyone here." Finally, he sounded a little concerned.

"I said he didn't know _many_ people. And besides, Jasper is about as available as the water-powered concept car." Mike laughed at that, and so Bella did too.

"Good call. So did mister 'terribly handsome' foot the bill?"

At least she could be honest about this one. "He sure did." She hesitated for a moment while deciding whether or not to tell Mike the rest. "He also asked me to have dinner with him on Saturday night." Bella had always been a terrible liar and she just knew she wouldn't have been able to hide something like that from Mike.

"Well, you know the rules, just make sure he pays." Apparently, there was no difference between lunch and dinner. She was relieved that Mike trusted her so completely with Edward, but his utter lack of jealousy was also a little disturbing.

Bella decided a change of topic was necessary. "Alice came to see me today. She's volunteering her services as a stylist," Bella revealed.

"I bet you just loved that," Mike drawled sarcastically.

"It was surprisingly painless. And the dress is really quite beautiful. I might just take her up on her offer permanently," Bella joked.

"Well anything that brings out the beauty in my baby is fine by me." Bella heard the TV switch on in the background and the distinct sounds of football revellers.

"Time for the game?" she asked.

"Time for the finals!" Mike bellowed enthusiastically. Bella silently thanked God that she was away for this. She knew she wouldn't get anything else intelligible out of Mike for now and was a little relieved she had an excuse to end the conversation. "I better go so you can watch. I love you. Enjoy the game."

He replied, "Love you too," and she could tell he was already distracted.

She closed her cell and looked around the hotel room. The laptop was still calling to her but she was just plain hungry. She compromised by ordering room service and then sat down to write.

At around ten, Bella tore herself away from the computer and climbed into bed after setting her alarm to wake up in time to get ready for the book signing.

* * *

The alarm was blaring. Bella could have screamed. Instead she reached over and turned it off in a really huffy way.

She flopped back against the mattress without fear of falling back asleep. She was far too aware for that to happen.

She had just been woken from another 'book-inspiring' dream.

It wasn't in the meadow though. This one was in an office, or maybe a home office. There were books adorning the walls and several framed pictures. The desk was covered in what looked like manuscripts, and she had been sitting at the desk typing.

Edward had entered the room from behind her. The overwhelming sense of love was there and he smiled at her, but she couldn't see it because her back was to him. He crept up and placed a feather light kiss on her neck, just below her ear. She had realized he was there before he touched her, but she had still shivered as his touch tingled through her body.

He pulled away ever so slightly and whispered in her ear, "I love you."

No alarm should ever interrupt something like that.

As much as Bella just wanted to go back to sleep she knew she didn't have time for that today. She jumped up and headed to the shower, stripping her clothes off on the way. She showered thoroughly, washing her hair and shaving her legs. She even used some sort of facial scrub she saved for days like these.

She stepped out and dried off, then approached the outfit that Alice had left for her, still hanging by the door. Bella was relieved by her reaction to it. It was still fantastic.

She got dressed and then towel dried her hair. After smearing some taming product through it, she attacked it with a comb and the blow dryer.

The final step was make-up. Bella rarely ever wore it, and it was even rarer for her to apply her own. She wasn't a total novice, but she stuck to her 'less is more' routine.

When she was finished, she stepped back and admired the results. Her face looked radiant, her hair was tamed, and the dress was conservatively smokin'.

Bella found the shoes she had bought two days ago and pulled them out. They were just what she needed for this kind of dress—patent ballet flats that looked dressy without enabling her clumsy side. They had caught her eye in the window and she thought they might come in handy. It was the same day Edward stole her balance with his crooked smile.

She went to grab her satchel but stopped, momentarily entertaining the idea of using a purse. Not wanting to push herself too far out of her comfort zone she shouldered her satchel and left the hotel room.

Bella was met by her rep, Angela, and a waiting cab on the street. She climbed in and was whisked off to the large independent bookstore she had agreed to do a signing at.

It all flew by so quickly. She gave a quick talk from a small podium they had set up and then she answered questions. After that she was led over to a large table and a desk chair to begin signing copies of her books.

Angela ran around calmly making everything run to plan. Every person who approached Bella already had a post it with their name attached to whatever it was they wanted signed. It was a system that appealed to Bella. It avoided the trouble of misspellings and was also a good ice breaker.

The fans were varied, but they all shared a love of books, which by itself usually served as adequate crowd control. There were a few gushing teenagers, a few sophisticated professionals, but mostly just ordinary women. They were all nice, polite and appreciative.

A young girl, with pale skin and dark chin-length hair approached Bella. She timidly held out a very battered copy of Bella's first ever book. It pulled at her heartstrings to see it so well used. The post-it identified the girl as Bree.

"Hi Bree," Bella began, while taking the book. "I see you've read this a few times."

Bree's cheeks turned a very dark shade of red and Bella took an instant liking to the girl.

"I really love your books." She was so shy, that Bella felt a strong maternal urge to take this girl under her wing. It was just the way she had been when she was a teenager.

"Do you like to write?" Bella asked.

"I do," Bree answered hesitantly. "I write mostly poetry though." Bree became even more embarrassed at her admission.

"You know, I also wrote a bit of poetry when I was younger." It was an understatement. Poetry had gotten Bella through puberty.

"Really?" Bree's face lit up at the thought that she had something in common with her favorite author. Bella wanted to reassure the girl more, but she could hear some murmurings coming from the queue and realised she'd have to hurry up.

She opened the well-loved book to the inside cover and wrote a personal note to Bree, wishing her well with her writing, before signing it with a flourish. She closed the book and handed it to Bree as she listened to the murmurings get louder.

"Thank you so much," Bree gushed.

"I hope to read some of your poetry some day." Bella gave her the biggest smile she could muster, which Bree returned in full force. Bree clutched the book to her chest and turned around to leave, the smile still present on her face.

Bella watched Bree for a moment and then turned to the next person in the queue.

It was Edward.

He was waiting patiently, dressed in jeans, a hoodie, and a jacket. In his arms he held brand new copies of all four of her books.

He was trying very hard to look relaxed, but she could see he was uncomfortable. She then noticed the queue of women stretched out behind him all nudging and pointing—and murmuring. Bella now understood the queue wasn't annoyed at how long she was spending with Bree—they were murmuring about Edward.

Bella was sure that there would be people here who recognized him. But even if he wasn't recognized as an actor, a man at one of her book signings was a rare event. Let alone a man that looked like Edward. Some of the women were downright staring.

His face relaxed into a smile when he met Bella's eyes and he stepped forward while all the women watched.

Bella's whole being was thrilled by the sight of him. Her body tingled, her chest swelled, and she started feeling a little giddy with how happy the sight of him made her. These feelings only increased the closer he came.

"This is a surprise," Bella said quietly, as soon as he was close enough.

"She let me push in." He nodded his head in Angela's direction. "It turns out I can enter a book store," he shrugged, "but I probably shouldn't come to one of your signings again. I had no idea there would be so many women. I swear one even pinched my arse."

Bella laughed loudly at that. Then she stopped because she caught sight of a camera phone in her peripheral vision. Pictures of Edward at her book signing would be all over the Internet within hours. Best not to give them too much fodder.

"The cameras are out. We should hurry," she said quietly. Edward placed the four books on the table. "So what would you like me to write?"

"I thought you could just sign them." He looked amused so Bella arched her eyebrow at him. "It's better for eBay," he added with a smirk. Bella rolled her eyes and went ahead signing the inside page of each of the books.

"So will you call me when you're finished?" Bella was very thankful he kept his voice so low. The woman directly behind him was straining to hear every word.

Bella stacked the books and handed them back to him mouthing the word 'yes'. Edward grinned.

"Bye," he said as he turned to leave. Bella watched the entire line of women follow him with their eyes, most of them staring at his butt. There was only one pair of eyes not watching. They were Angela's and they were screaming an enormous question mark at Bella.

The book signing went for another hour. Bella was patient and tried to be interesting for everyone. She smiled and asked questions and thought up kind things to write. Then it was all finished and Angela was helping her gather her things.

Bella had known Angela for the last two years and she really liked her. Angela was excellent at her job without having to be a bitch. She could be pushy when she needed to, but the rest of the time she was just plain nice. At the moment she was offended though, so she was anything but nice.

"You're having an affair! With Edward Cullen!" she was whispered fiercely. They were hunched over the table together, pretending to sort through papers.

"I'm not having an affair. Edward is a friend and Mike is completely aware of him," Bella whispered back.

"Why didn't you tell me he was coming?" she questioned, obviously suspicious.

"Because I didn't know. I was just as surprised as everyone else in the room." Bella stood up from the table. This could definitely wait until they were in a cab.

Angela huffed a little as she straightened up, annoyed at having to wait. She put on her sweet face to say goodbye to the bookstore owner and his staff then they made their way outside to wait for a cab.

Bella was exhausted. She checked the time and realised that it had been over three hours since she left the hotel. And she was starving, which probably meant Angela was too.

"Let just go and get some lunch," she said, just a little bit short.

Angela heard her tone and became apologetic. "I'm sorry I was so annoyed, Bella. But people were being cynical and calling it a publicity stunt. Which I wouldn't mind, except I could have set it up and made it so much better," Angela lamented. Bella finally understood that this was a lost opportunity for Angela. "I figured the only reason you wouldn't tell me about him was that you didn't want me to know something."

In a way, Bella thought that may be true, but there was no way she would admit to that.

"If I had known he was coming then I would have said something," she said and it seemed to make Angela feel a little better. Angela didn't pry further, and for that Bella was thankful. They walked along quietly for a few moments.

Angela was first to break the silence. "So when are you heading home?" she asked.

"I have a flight booked for Wednesday morning," Bella replied. "There's only the interview to go on Monday. I thought I would hang around for one more day just in case."

"You really should just move here already Bella. You would have so many more opportunities." Sometimes Bella thought Angela was just a marketing machine, but that was what made her so good at her job.

"I do fine without them," she said with a smile, "and I enjoy not being recognized everywhere I go." Angela just rolled her eyes at that. She couldn't comprehend why anyone would pass up an opportunity to increase their fame.

They continued to chat amicably as they strolled down the street where they found a small sushi restaurant. Bella sent a sideways glance at Angela, who nodded and laughed a little. It was another of Bella's must haves while on tour; Forks was not known for its sushi.

Bella entered the restaurant, ready to talk to Angela about many more things other than just Edward Cullen.

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**A/N: I'm doing another shout-out for Project Team Beta. They need more people to come on board. If you've ever thought about being a beta, this is a great place to start. Two betas work on every piece so there will be someone checking how you go :)****There's a link in my profile that takes you through to their LJ site.**

**Again, I love to hear what you think, so please leave a review.**


	5. Date Night

**A/N: If you wanna hear my excuses for being slow to update... keep reading. Otherwise, you know, skip ahead.**

**I didn't lie when I told people the next chapter was with the betas when I posted last—that was true. But then I had plot issues. And I may have indulged my emo side due to said plot issues. Then Furious Kitten made it all better and that's why she's the best, but even she couldn't prevent the RL storm that I had to weather before I could get this out. It's dealt with now.**

**So, now to the thanks... of course, Furious Kitten (aka, bestest beta ever!), Project Team Beta, particularly JMeyer, who spends a ridiculous amount of her own time running the ship, to Roo for corrected my last minute edits (sorry!), and to everyone who reviews, alerts and even reads. Thanks!**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

* * *

Bella was looking at herself in the mirror, analysing her appearance in preparation for dinner with Edward. She had to admit she really did look beautiful, albeit uncomfortable.

She was wearing a blue dress. Alice had a special name for the exact shade of blue that it was, but Bella hadn't listened. It didn't seem important at the time.

The neckline actually plunged. It moved from her shoulders and finished between her breasts, leaving a dramatic 'v' in its wake. The dress had no sleeves, and as a result, Bella looked... bare. There was a lot of skin.

The rest of the dress flowed and tucked in around her waist. Again, Bella was amazed at what clothes could do to enhance curves. It wasn't short, finishing below her knees, for which Bella was extremely grateful. She was a having a hard enough time trying to remain composed with so much of her cleavage airing itself.

For the second time that day, Bella had showered and primped herself into a conventional female. She had reapplied the light make-up the same as that morning and made her hair glossy and tame. She wore it loose in a futile attempt to maintain her modesty.

On her feet she wore the same ballet flats she wore earlier in the day. Alice had brought a pair of heels to match the dress and by Alice's standards, they weren't even that high. But Bella was firm on the shoes as she could not risk tripping in this ridiculous outfit. She wasn't wearing a bra and there just was not enough fabric to hold her in if she upset the gravitational balance.

Bella turned away from the mirror to stop torturing herself and instead looked for something to do to fill the ten minutes until she was due to meet Edward in the lobby.

The afternoon had passed by all too quickly.

She had finished what turned out to be a conventional lunch with Angela by 1pm and then rushed straight back to the hotel. Once there, she had called Edward to make arrangements for tonight, but had kept it short, as she had been itching to write and it was the first chance she had all day to put her most recent dream to paper.

She had been so engrossed in writing that she had forgotten Alice was coming. The sharp rap on the door had startled her for a moment. The timing was awful as she was in the middle of writing a love scene and was then forced to rejoin the real world. She had blushed a deep scarlet when getting up to answer the door, almost as if she had been interrupted while making love to Edward.

At first, she had been relieved to see that it was Alice. That was until she saw the garment bag and remembered why Alice was there.

"I have the perfect thing for you to wear." Alice had beamed as she stepped through the door. She strolled straight towards the bed and unzipped the bag to reveal a very sexy blue dress.

She held it up for Bella's perusal. "I couldn't decide at first, but then I remembered how Edward had complimented that ratty blouse of yours and I thought of this."

Bella had stood stock-still and openly gaped at the dress. Alice had waited patiently for a response and then gave up.

"Gee, thanks Alice?" she prompted. When Bella still didn't respond, she got frustrated. "Oh come on, Bella—say something!"

"It's so... sexy."

Although Bella's expression remained slightly horrified, Alice took the comment as an affirmation and set about fitting the dress on Bella. She kept explaining things to her: why the cut was so good, why that length was best, the elusive name of that particular shade of blue... Bella had just gone into a mild trance. There was no way she would be able to wear this dress. Could she?

Now, she stood in _that_ dress, all made up, agonising over transferring her normal, everyday, non-sexy items from her satchel to her purse. This was so far out of her comfort zone it wasn't funny.

Edward hadn't told Bella where they were going. Alice knew, as she had called Edward herself in her effort to plan the perfect outfit. It was reassuring that Bella didn't have to worry about being dressed inappropriately, but she would have been more reassured if she just knew... everything.

It was 7:20pm. Edward was meeting her in the foyer at 7:30pm. In her head, she was figuring out how late she would have to leave the room in order to avoid loitering in the lounge wearing what felt like formal lingerie. Maybe 7:28pm?

So she had eight minutes to kill.

Her hands were restless to type, so she gave in and walked over to the table, switched her laptop back on, and reasoned if she didn't do _something,_ there was every possibility she would leave at 7:25pm. Then she would end up waiting in the foyer trying not to look like an upper-class whore being stood up. At least writing would keep her from leaving early.

She opened the document that held her story. The love scene had been completed after Alice left, and Bella's characters were now glowing with post-coital bliss. Bella realised that chapter would not be the best part to work on, given that she was about to go to dinner with Edward, so instead scrolled up to find an earlier piece she could edit. She settled on the deli scene, it being reasonably harmless. There was a little work that she could do there while she waited.

At 7:26pm there was a knock on the door.

She stood and walked over to open the door, and wasn't surprised to see Edward smiling behind it. After his appearance at the bookstore that morning, he could literally appear out of thin air and she wouldn't be shocked. As she pulled the door open completely, she let her eyes travel over him briefly.

He looked fantastic—superbly fantastic. He was in a charcoal suit with a cream shirt underneath. The top buttons were undone and it made him look more casual, almost like he had thrown it on at the last minute. His hair was its usual dishevelled mess that was naturally so perfect, and his face took her breath away. It was even more defined out of the daylight hours; there were just no imperfections for the artificial lighting to highlight.

Edward looked at her and then his eyes took in her lack of a dress. He started low, _thank God_, and trailed his eyes up her figure, lingering around her bare chest until they rested on her neck. His mouth opened slightly and a breath escaped his lips. Even Bella could recognise the unbridled lust on his face. Some of Alice's nattering from the afternoon came back to her–_"Edward is going to cum in his pants when he sees this!"_

Bella felt giddy at the thought of Edward wanting her like that. It was the first time she had felt his eyes on her _that_ way, as he was normally so gentlemanly. The change in his appreciation of her was obvious and she blushed—again. It had the effect of drawing Edward's gaze back to her face and she was both relieved and disappointed when he quickly regained his composure. A smirk spread across his face.

He had been holding his right arm behind him and he now brought it forward. For a moment, Bella was worried that he had brought her flowers. But then his hand was revealed and in it he held a book—her first book. The sight of it put a smile on her face.

Edward lifted the novel in the air and gestured with it.

"You didn't mention that you wrote romance novels!" He was laughing.

Bella stepped aside to let him in. "Well, it is a detail I tend to leave out. Trust me, I am suitably embarrassed about that fact." He brushed past her on his way in and her body flared in response to the contact. Once he reached the lounge he stopped, so Bella closed the door and turned to follow him.

"It's good though. I've been reading it all afternoon. I almost cancelled dinner so I could keep going."

His words were almost as beautiful to Bella as his face. She was thrilled when people who didn't read romance novels enjoyed hers.

There was something different about Edward's demeanour that Bella couldn't quite put her finger on. He was more relaxed—but it was more than that. They way he was joking and staring at her made her feel like they really were going on a date.

"Well, it was a Times bestseller," she retorted playfully as she headed over to grab her jacket and the tiny bag that held her life for the evening.

Her back was to Edward, so she didn't hear him move.

"Have you been writing?" he asked. Bella spun around to see him bending over her laptop.

_Oh crap!_

"Please don't read that!" she yelped and headed straight for the table. Edward had already backed off though and was standing with a slightly confused look on his face, his hands held up in defense.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"

Bella cut him off, "It's okay, Edward." She closed the open document then shut down her computer, hoping to God that he hadn't had a chance to read any of it. The deli scene of all scenes was the most recognisable. He had been there. He had said those words.

She forced herself to look up at him and smile, "I just get a little self-conscious of my writing. It's still in the early stages—lots of mistakes and grammatical errors..." she trailed off trying to avoid an outright lie.

Edward had lowered his hands but he still hadn't really relaxed. She had no idea if he was just reacting to what he must think was manic possessiveness—or worse—if he had read it and was now afraid she was obsessed with him. Not wanting to linger over her computer, she straightened back up and walked over to the bed to get her things.

"So it was your writing?" he continued. She couldn't tell anything from his voice—it was steady and even. At least that meant he wasn't freaked out. She guessed he hadn't seen anything too incriminating and thanked God that the love scene wasn't what was on the screen.

Feeling slightly less horrified, she was more forthcoming. "It's the new book I'm working on." She picked up her purse and jacket and walked back over toward him. Edward smiled at her response and finally relaxed.

"Can I read any of it?" he asked, his eyebrows raised.

It was such an innocent question, but it was difficult for her to answer without giving herself away. "Like I said—it's full of errors. It's just not ready for reading," she said, a little bluntly. He looked hurt by her abruptness, so she added, "Maybe later?" and was rewarded by an improvement in his expression. At first he just smiled, but then it changed and he looked... cheeky?

"We should go," he said, the hint of mischief still present in his features.

Bella pulled her thick coat on and happily fastened the buttons over her exposed chest. As she turned back toward him, he held out his arm for her to take. She hesitated, but then placed her hand on his forearm. The warmth from his body soaked into her hand and radiated up past her wrist. She ignored it as best she could and instead used it to steady herself as they walked through the door and towards the elevator.

"Do I get to find out where we are going now?" she asked, thinking that now they were on their way, he would have to tell her.

"I told you. We're having dinner." The doors opened and they stepped in to the elevator.

Even if the words didn't give him away, the grin on his face did. It just confirmed Bella's earlier suspicions when she first saw the dress. Alice had said it was perfect, which was enough to tell Bella this was more than just dinner.

"Yes you did. But this dress is a little extravagant for _just_ dinner. Plus, Alice said you had something else planned." Bella was bluffing—Alice hadn't said a word.

"Alice said no such thing," Edward responded, laughing softy and peering sideways at Bella. She rolled her eyes at herself for getting caught.

The lift 'pinged' as they reached the ground level, then the doors opened and they stepped through. Edward again extended his arm for her but this time Bella didn't place her hand there. Instead, she panicked a little and pretended not to see it. He seemed to sense how she felt and so he stretched his arm out a bit and then dropped it back to his side as he followed. To anyone observing it would have looked as though he was just adjusting his cuff.

Bella was glad he hadn't made an issue out of it. She had felt a little uncomfortable holding his arm on the walk to the lift. It wasn't that it felt wrong—more that it was just too familiar. It was a gesture that only people who were 'more than friends' use. She was able to reason it was harmless in the privacy of the hotel room, but in the crowded foyer, she felt too exposed.

Without the support of Edward's arm, Bella had to be extra careful as she walked out of the hotel. Thankfully, Edward was right at her elbow, and she was sure he would be able to catch her if she did slip. As she reached the hotel doors, she smiled and nodded slightly as the doorman held it open for her. After stepping out she stopped on the street and turned to face Edward.

"So are we walking?" It was her turn to be cheeky.

"No," he answered, still not revealing any more details, and raised his hand to hail a passing taxi. One pulled over almost immediately and Edward opened the door for her. This scene was familiar to Bella, only this time, he climbed in after her.

Bella shuffled over in the backseat and clipped her seatbelt on. Edward gave directions to the driver and then settled in to his seat next to her as the cab left the curb. He was really very close. Bella's chest started to fill and strain against her ribs. Edward glanced over and smiled warmly, making her chest swell even more.

All of a sudden, it became very warm in the taxi. She could feel Edward's presence so intently, just a foot away from her. It was the first time they had sat together like this in the dark and Bella's whole body was aching to be closer. _This is insane,_ she thought to herself.

Bella's hand was laying flat against the seat, her fingers pointing towards Edward. She could feel them straining to touch him and it took all of her self-control not to just reach out and wrap them around his hand. Instead, she brought both her hands together and laced her fingers.

She chanced a look at Edward and immediately regretted it as it sent her heart thumping, which just added to the cacophony of feelings she was struggling to cope with. Edward didn't look completely relaxed either. He was rigid in his seat and his jaw was clenched. As if he felt her eyes on him, he turned toward her and gave a strained smile as he exhaled heavily through his nose. He looked exactly like she felt.

_He feels it too?_

For some reason, that knowledge doubled the intensity of the feelings she was experiencing.

They endured the tense atmosphere for another ten minutes, both silent, both still.

When the taxi finally pulled up at the restaurant, Edward was out of the door faster than Bella thought was humanly possible. He held it open for her and paid the driver through the front window.

Bella climbed out after him, albeit much slower than he had. She stood behind him while he paid, both hating and loving that they had finally arrived.

Edward turned towards her, a slightly embarrassed look on his face. He raked his hand through his hair, leaving it wrapped around the back of his neck.

"Now I'm not so sure tonight was a good idea," he smiled and chuckled a little to himself at some unknown joke.

Bella smiled back, a very sweet smile to hide her thoughts. After the magnetism she felt in the taxi she _knew_ tonight was a bad idea.

"Let's go eat," she said, not wanting the evening to be over. He exhaled a breath in an exaggerated manner and headed towards the front of the restaurant.

Edward had a reservation so they were immediately led through the immaculate surroundings to a table for two. It was the most intimate table in the dining room, set slightly away from the other diners, butted up against the wall. The waiter pulled the chair out for Bella and he pushed it in as she sat down. She complied, figuring it was one less thing she could possibly klutz up.

"Here are your menus. Is there anything you would like to drink?" The waiter addressed Bella first in a faint French accent.

"Just a water please."

"And you sir?"

"A bottle of Cristal, please—and water." Bella gave Edward a very surprised look at the extravagant beverage choice. She didn't think tonight was _that_ special, plus Edward hadn't struck her as much of a drinker. He grinned at her expression, and it was the same cheeky grin he'd given her earlier.

"We're celebrating," Edward admitted after a minute of Bella's scrutiny. He looked down and studied the tablecloth, almost like he was shy all of a sudden.

"And what are we celebrating?" she prompted, relieved that he wasn't just trying to get her drunk.

"I had lunch with my agent today." His face was breaking into an enormous grin. He was still staring at the tablecloth and then he started shaking his head like he couldn't believe what he was about to say. "I've been offered the lead in an upcoming movie."

"Edward, that's wonderful!"

He finally raised his eyes up to meet Bella's, his face clearly showing just how happy he was.

"It's a romance. Well, it's really a vampire movie. It sounds so stupid, but apparently it has cult status..." he trailed off. Bella understood that cult status meant successful box office takings. And if the movie were successful, Edward would be a made man after this.

"That's fantastic," she was just so happy for him.

The waiter approached with an ice bucket and the champagne. He gently placed the bucket against the wall and popped the cork quietly, then proceeded to pour. Bella and Edward barely noticed as they stared at each other blissfully.

After the waiter left, Bella picked her glass up by the stem and held it slightly aloft. Edward mimicked her movements.

"Congratulations." She tilted her glass towards his and they clinked together, making the most beautiful chime. Edward's gaze never left Bella's eyes as he lifted his glass and sipped the champagne. Bella sipped hers and returned his intense stare.

The waiter returned and unobtrusively placed glasses of water beside them. He disappeared without a word, as if he sensed it was a very personal moment.

Edward took another small sip and then placed his glass on the table. His ridiculously happy grin was back in place and he was again shaking his head from side to side.

"I still can't believe this." Edward muttered as he lifted both of his hands and ran them through his hair. He linked his fingers and tilted his head back, closing his eyes and pausing in contentment.

Bella admired his relaxed state, noting he genuinely seemed happier tonight than any other time she had seen him. Again, she was struck by the subtle difference in his behaviour, how he seemed more confident, more certain of himself. She supposed it could be due to the direction his career had taken.

"So when does it all start?" she asked. He opened his eyes and tilted his head back down.

"Really soon. In about four weeks time." His hands now dropped back down and he used one to retrieve his champagne for another sip.

"That's...soon," Bella commented. She really had no idea. A small smile spread across Edward's lips as if he knew.

"I'll have to go home in a couple of weeks and organise everything. So it's really just enough time—"

"So you'll be moving here?" Bella cut him off. Edward looked even happier and nodded slightly.

Bella was irrationally giddy at that news. She took another sip of champagne.

Their intuitive waiter picked that moment to come over and take their orders. Bella hadn't even looked at the menu so she quickly picked it up and scanned its contents.

"Um...I'll have the scallops for starters, and then... the fillet—medium rare." She figured she couldn't go wrong with steak.

Edward was reading his own menu with a slightly amused look on his face. He perused it carefully, but then shrugged as he spoke, "I'll just have the same." Then he mumbled something to himself that Bella couldn't hear. The waiter politely topped off their glasses then took their menus and left.

Edward had picked up a fork and was absentmindedly twirling it with his fingers. It was fascinating to watch and Bella found herself wishing she could be that coordinated. She could see that Edward was deep in thought so she didn't interrupt, instead letting her eyes follow his slender fingers, noting how perfectly smooth they were.

Before long, her eyes were wandering up his arm, and then over his chest. She imagined what his chest would look like naked and it sent a little thrill through her. Her eyes then trailed up to his face where she found he was staring at her.

He wasn't mad—if anything, he looked pleased. She realised that he liked her looking at him that way. She _had_ been ogling, not just curious, but he still liked it. Bella raised her glass and tried to look like she wasn't blushing.

"So...you're writing a book about me." The cheeky grin had returned.

Bella cursed how smooth he was. When he reacted so normally earlier, she had convinced herself he must not have seen anything. She took yet another sip of champagne, thinking that she probably needed the liquid courage for this.

"Let's just say that I found you... inspiring." She smiled broadly at him, trying to look composed. The smile was still on his face, but now it had more steam behind it. If she didn't know any better she may have mistaken it for seduction, but she did know better so she recognised a trace of narcissism. He enjoyed that she was writing about him.

"How so?" he asked.

"Well—aside from the obvious," Bella gestured toward him, "—you are surprisingly innocent." He raised his eyebrows at that.

"I am anything but innocent, Bella." Her name rolled off his tongue and she actually tingled from his words alone.

"I don't mean in that way." She took a deep breath then let it out slowly. "I mean, you aren't... ruined. Most of the people I've met in your industry are a little self-absorbed and jaded with the way their lives have turned out. Don't get me wrong, they get off on the fame, but they also know the price. You don't seem to know the price, and it means you are... more pure in your intentions."

Bella tried to look convincing. The words were straight off the page from the deli scene. When she had been trying to pinpoint what it was about Edward that she liked, she thought about the small time actor in his movie role, how he asked her to lunch just to have someone to talk to, and his boyish charm that ignited a teenage-style crush in her.

"And my intentions are certainly not pure." His eyes positively smouldered as he said that, darkening in color, and Bella's chest started straining again. He chuckled softly at his own joke and drank more of his champagne.

"What is the 'obvious'?" he continued after his sip.

"You're amazingly..." she stalled. Somehow 'hot' didn't seem appropriate. "You're amazingly good-looking." She rolled her eyes at her lack of adjectives.

Edward beamed.

Bella had been right—he loved that she looked at him like that. She gave herself a point.

The waiter magically appeared and placed the servings of scallops in front of them. Bella picked up her fork, speared one, and then placed it in her mouth. It was warm and soft and tasted like butter and sage. It was so good—she let out a little moan. Edward peered over at her then quickly placed a scallop in his own mouth. His eyes never left hers as he slowly chewed then swallowed. He too moaned quietly.

"It's so good," he said.

"I know," Bella agreed as she ate another.

They ate without speaking, but they watched each other. Bella stared at Edward as she watched him chew and swallow and moan, again and again. It was the most erotic thing she had ever seen—and it was just dinner.

Edward's eyes were mostly focused on her mouth. She self-consciously licked her lips and saw his sharp intake of breath in response. She picked up her champagne and took a long sip and watched Edward do the same. His lips met the glass and puckered out softly below the rim, and then it was Bella's turn to breathe deeply.

She returned her glass to the table and went to eat another scallop, but there were none left.

She placed her fork on her now empty plate and looked up to continue watching Edward, only to find his arm extended across the table, holding his own fork out and offering her his last scallop. His face was confident and so eager, Bella couldn't resist. She inched her face forward and opened her mouth to take the scallop into her teeth, then she pulled back and sucked it gently into her mouth. She watched Edward's face and saw his lust. He brought his arm back slowly, still entirely focused on her. She chewed deliberately and then, as she swallowed, Edward let out a strained breath and his eyes closed. One last little barely audible moan escaped his mouth.

Bella's own body was searing with desire. She glanced around the restaurant, needing to return to reality, and tried very hard to notice the other people. The closest were a couple sitting two tables away. They looked to be in their late forties and were linking their legs under the table. The man speared a piece of carrot with his fork and then held it out for the lady to eat. Bella blinked. She had no idea if the man was mimicking Edward. At any rate, this guy needed to give it up. There was nothing even remotely sexy about carrot, nor the look on his face. He looked like a hungry dog.

Analysing them did have the desired effect though. Bella was suddenly very aware of their surroundings, and the noises that had been strangely muted were now very loud and clear. Thankfully, no one seemed to have noticed the couple against the wall having dinner sex.

She turned back to look at Edward and found he had also been looking at the couple near them. He had a mildly disgusted look on his face, which was probably pretty similar to how Bella had looked.

He turned back and smiled guiltily at Bella and she returned the smile. The air between them had changed. It was awkward now—like they had just had their three minutes in the closet and had to come out and face everyone. Bella picked up her champagne for something to do. She took a sip and decided that someone had to break the silence.

"Well, that was delicious," she said.

Edward laughed quietly, then drank the rest of his champagne.

"It was—the most delicious thing I've ever seen."

Bella finally blushed.

The waiter appeared again, topping off their drinks and removing their plates.

"So when do I get to find out where we are going?" Bella asked.

Edward looked thoughtful for a moment before replying. "I'm taking you to the opera."

Bella was completely taken by surprise. It was the last place she ever expected Edward to take her. It wasn't that she didn't like opera, she did, but it never occurred to her that Edward would.

"Are you serious?" she asked.

He nodded. "Well, you said you only see theatre when you're in the city. I had intended to take you to a stage show but I couldn't decide—"

Bella cut him off. "The opera is perfect, Edward." She gave him her biggest smile to let him know she was being genuine. "What are we seeing?"

"La Traviata."

At first Bella was delighted, but then understanding sank in.

_The woman who strayed._

She couldn't hide the look of disappointment that flooded her face. What was Edward trying to say? Was he asking her to stray? She suddenly felt so ashamed. Mike hadn't entered her thoughts all evening. She had been too wrapped up in being with Edward to think about anything else.

Then she remembered that she hadn't called Mike all day. That thought let off a whole new wave of guilt. She had intended to call in the afternoon, but had been too preoccupied with writing and then getting ready. Completely forgetting about her husband made her the worst kind of woman. Of course, Edward would think she would stray—she had never given him any other impression.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

Edward was looking at her, genuinely worried. She met his eyes and saw him recoil slightly from what he saw there, so she looked down at the table to hide her shame.

"Bella, we can see something else. Alice just seemed certain that it would be the best choice..."

Bella's eyes snapped back up at that.

"Alice?"

"Well, I couldn't decide what we should see. I had no idea what you would enjoy... and then Alice called and we talked it over. She suggested I take you to see La Traviata. But we can see something else, Bella."

He paused as the waiter approached with their steaks and placed them on the table.

"Would you care for anything else to drink?" the waiter asked.

Bella felt the effects of the champagne creeping up on her. "Coffee, please, after the meal," she requested as she reached for her water.

"For me also," Edward added.

The waiter removed the ice bucket and left the table.

Bella mused over what Edward had just said. He didn't choose the opera, but Alice did—so Alice wanted her to stray? She had been acting weird when she told Bella to have dinner with Edward, but she had also said, "not too much fun." What did it all mean?

"Bella? What do you want to do?" Edward still looked concerned.

She sighed, not really knowing anymore. What she was sure about was that she wanted Edward, in ways she couldn't have him. Because of that, she was certain—if she were a good wife—she should stand up and walk away. The last thing she knew for sure was that she couldn't do that.

"I want to have dinner with you," she began, "and then I would like to go to the opera with you." She tried to give him the same beaming smile she had earlier but it just couldn't be forced.

"Okay," Edward replied. He tentatively picked up his fork and knife and began cutting his steak, still watching her face. Bella followed suit and placed a piece of the fillet in her mouth.

It was so good—it just melted, but she didn't moan this time.

The tension had again changed between them. It was no longer sexual, or awkward. Now it was filled with concern, worry and guilt. As she watched Edward eating sombrely, she resolved to not let her own feelings ruin his evening.

That decided, she attempted to clear up her negative reaction from earlier.

"I really am happy that you are taking me to the opera." She paused while she took another bite and chewed thoughtfully. "It's just that, well, La Traviata is translated as 'the woman who strayed'."

Edward stopped eating. "Bella—I didn't realise."

"And I didn't realise that you didn't realise," she said with a small laugh. "There's a lot to be said for communication. That's why I don't like surprises."

"How can you not like surprises?" His face showed mock horror.

Bella just laughed in response, thankful that the mood was shifting again. She carefully bottled up all of her feelings of guilt about Mike and sealed them away for the rest of the night.

They continued to eat their steaks and talk casually. There wasn't a repeat of the earlier dinner sex—that moment had gone. But they were having a new moment now, one where there were no worries, and they were free to just be together—even if only as friends.

Edward finished his meal first, which left him free to talk about his impending move without interruption. He was full of hope and he talked about moving as if it were his salvation. Bella found herself hoping that it was everything he dreamed it would be.

Having eaten enough, Bella put down her fork. She finished off her champagne and again, like magic, the waiter appeared with coffee for them.

"Could we have the dessert menu please?" Edward asked him.

"Certainly," the waiter replied before disappearing again.

"Edward, I couldn't eat another bite." Bella was only halfway through her steak and her stomach was already straining. If she couldn't finish a steak that good, there was no way she could eat anything else.

Edward stared at her. "Humour me," he asked, his tone and expression very serious.

The waiter returned with the menu, which he handed to Edward.

"Have you finished, madam?" the waiter asked Bella.

"Yes, thank you," she replied. The waiter cleared the plates and Bella drank from her coffee. It was still a bit too hot so she placed it back down.

Edward had been carefully reading through the menu. He seemed to finally have decided and he gave a very slight nod to himself, as if he was pleased with his choice.

"Your turn." He handed the menu over and Bella took it.

She ran her eyes over the choices but absolutely nothing appealed to her—she was just too full.

"Edward, I really can't eat anything else." She was pleading with him now.

"Just choose something. If you _could_ eat something else, what would it be?"

She looked through the menu again, being more attentive this time. There were so many delicious choices. Then she saw the chocolate pear tart and couldn't go past it. If she had to eat one more thing, that would be it.

"The chocolate pear tart," she announced and then placed the menu back on the table. "But I can't eat another thing," she added and made sure her voice held the tone of finality.

Edward gently tapped the table with his hand. "Again," he muttered.

"What?" asked Bella, suddenly very confused.

"Every time, Bella—every time!" he exclaimed, as if that explained everything. Bella just stared at him blankly.

"We always order the same thing. The first time, at the deli, I was nervous and couldn't really think straight—the ravioli was the only thing that stood out. Then at the cafe, I decided before you said anything, and I still wanted the same thing as you. And then tonight..." He trailed off.

"Huh." Was all Bella could manage. She had noticed that they were having the same food, but it hadn't really registered as anything important. "Just a coincidence?" she added.

"I don't think so. Just then, I really focused and tried to find the one item I _really_ wanted. Not something I 'kind of' felt like. I saw the chocolate and pear tart and thought it was perfect. But it was just a test, to see if this was a coincidence, or if we really do just have the same... tastes?" He shook his head slightly, trying to make sense of it all. Bella figured that 'tastes' was as good a term as any.

She sipped her coffee and found it had cooled off enough, so she took a deeper drink.

"Except coffee," Edward said absently, like it had just occurred to him. He was staring at the cup cradled in her hands.

"You drink coffee," she stated. He drank it every time she had seen him.

"Only with you, Bella."

"Oh." She was being careful not to read too much in to this. "What do you normally drink?"

"Tea. I normally drink tea."

Bella struggled for a moment as to whether she should say what she was about to say. This was all getting a bit weird.

"I drink tea when I write about you." It was an admission that she thought she would never make. Only an hour ago she thought she would have died if he even knew she was writing about him. Now she was also admitting to strange beverage choices while she did it.

But Edward didn't look embarrassed. He smiled so broadly that she stopped feeling ridiculous and just enjoyed this strange connection between them.

"Have you decided on what you would like?" Bella hadn't noticed the waiter approach that time. Edward raised his eyebrows at her, silently questioning if she wanted anything else.

"Not for me," she said adamantly.

"I guess just the check then, please," Edward replied as he handed the menu back.

"Certainly." The waiter left to get their bill.

Edward and Bella both lifted their coffees and took sips at the same time. Bella giggled at the synchronicity, and then Edward did too. They were still grinning stupidly when the waiter returned with their check.

Edward leaned forward to take the bill but Bella reached out and stopped him. Her hand touched his and the same electric force shot through her body she felt whenever they touched. She let her hand linger for a moment, just enjoying the sensation pulsing through her, then then tried to be subtle as she pried his fingers from the folder, all the time really just wanting to touch him more. With her other hand, she grabbed the folder. Having no more reason to continue holding onto his hand, she regretfully let it go.

"Remember, it's my turn." Her voice was slightly husky, still breathless from the contact they had.

"But I asked you to dinner," Edward protested.

"Well, you're still taking me to the opera." She smiled at him.

Bella quickly looked at the bill and then pulled some notes from her purse. She placed them in the folder, leaving a generous tip for their magical waiter.

They finished their coffees and Edward stood and made his way around the table to help Bella with her coat. Once she was standing, she really felt the effects of the champagne and swayed slightly. Edward seemed to notice and again held his arm out for her to take. This time, Bella had to take it; it was either that or fall on her way out of the restaurant.

She placed her hand on his forearm, bracing herself for the tingles. They ran up her arm and made her feel even more lightheaded. Instead of feeling guilty, she let herself enjoy the feeling of warmth that spread through her as she followed Edward blindly through the restaurant and out through the doors.

The chilled night air hit Bella sharply and she tightened her grip on Edward in response. He started to turn toward her but then there was a bright flash. And then another. And another.

"Edward! Over here, Edward!"

Someone was yelling out to Edward but the bright flashes hadn't stopped so Bella couldn't see what was going on. Edward had his other arm against his forehead, trying to shield it from the light.

"Edward—over here! How's your night going?" There was finally a break in the flashes but Bella still couldn't really make out anything apart from the blotches that remained in her vision.

"Who the hell are you?" Edward yelled angrily.

"I'm James—James Witherdale. You know—photographer to the stars—James Witherdale?"

Bella's vision had cleared a bit and she could now see an attractive blond man wearing jeans and a large black jacket, and holding an expensive-looking camera. Now the flashes made sense—he was a paparazzo.

He turned and looked straight at Bella and as he brought the camera up another flash burned through her vision.

"Who's your friend, Edward?" Bella felt like the photographer was taunting him. There were more flashes.

"None of your bloody business. Just fuck off, will you!" Edward stepped forward and pulled Bella along with him. He hesitated briefly, seemingly torn between just walking off down the street or hailing a cab. A cab was coming so he stuck his arm out for it.

"Big movie coming up eh, Edward? I heard today, you know. We're gonna be seeing a lot of each other from now on. I can just feel it." This guy was so creepy, Bella's skin was crawling.

The taxi pulled up and more flashes went off while Edward opened the door and helped Bella in.

"Edward, come on! How about a nice one for the fans? Come on—smile for me."

Edward ignored him as he climbed in beside Bella but James leaned in after him.

"I'll find you, Edward. I'll find you and I'll get that nice shot."

James pulled away just as Edward slammed the door shut. There was one last flash as James held the camera against the window, but then it finally stopped as they were pulling away.

Bella sat bolt upright against the seat. She was stunned—she had never had an experience like that. Edward leant forward to give the driver the address and then sat back heavily.

"That guy was crazy!" he yelled.

"And creepy!" Bella added.

Both of Edward's hands flew up and he dragged them through his hair, grimacing while he did it. Then a look of horror crossed his face.

"Bella, he has pictures of us! Fuck!" He buried his head in his hand and dragged his fingers down his face. "What about your husband, Bella?"

"Oh." She thought back over what the pictures likely contained. There would be lots of shocked expressions and pictures of them getting into the cab. The most incriminating thing would be when she was holding his arm when they first walked out onto the street.

"It's okay, Edward. The pictures only show us coming out of a restaurant together. Mike knows I was having dinner with you."

Edward's head shot up. "He knows?"

"Of course."

"Holy crap!" His hands returned to his hair and he shook his head slightly in disbelief. Bella was a little shocked that he thought she would go behind her husband's back about something like this. But she stopped that train of thought, realising she may well have kept it from him, had Mike not approved of her going.

They sat in silence for a few moments while Bella gave Edward a chance to calm down.

"Do you still want to go to the opera?" she asked, noticing he was still shaken up."We can just call it a night."

Edward looked down into her eyes. He scanned her face, almost as though he were looking for something. "We'll still go," he said, "I won't let him ruin our night together."

The taxi was pulling over to a theatre that Bella had never been to before. There were people milling about on the street, all wearing heavy coats to keep out the cold night air. Edward paid the driver and then helped Bella out by taking her hand. She stumbled a little from his touch but didn't fall.

They entered the theatre and Edward led her to the cloakroom. He helped her out of her coat and she heard his slow intake of breath as her chest was again revealed. She felt him lean into her neck and could've sworn that he smelled her.

They checked Bella's coat and then headed in to watch the opera.

* * *

As soon as the lights went out, Bella felt the same energy start to crackle between them. Bella kept her hands in her own lap—though barely, and she also struggled to stop herself from leaning into him. There were a number of times when she felt him doing the same.

Occasionally, she felt Edward's breath on her bare shoulder and she could tell that he was looking at her. The first time this happened she looked back, but being that close to him, their faces just inches apart in the dark, had made it so tempting to just kiss him. She had pulled away reluctantly, and didn't turn to face him for the rest of the performance.

Bella did her best to concentrate on the opera. She had seen it many years ago, so she was somewhat familiar with the plot. However, watching it now, she realised that she had forgotten most of it.

Towards the end, Bella finally realised that the opera wasn't about being unfaithful. The woman strayed from her love, not her husband, and Bella then understood why Alice had chosen this particular opera—she wanted Bella to be with the one that she loved.

_Love?_

When the performance finished, the audience broke into applause and Bella automatically clapped as well. Her mind was still reeling from the direction her thoughts had taken. She turned and faced Edward, still clapping, and looked at his face, his hair, his chest. She was sure she loved these, even if she had never touched them. Then Edward's head turned and he looked into her eyes.

_Love._

She could see it there—it was staring at her. Everything she ever wanted or could ever want. Edward smiled back at her, crookedly, and then she knew without a doubt. Love.

At some point she had stopped clapping and so had Edward. He leaned towards her and his hand cupped her cheek again. She inhaled sharply as the electricity hit her, but it was stronger now—now she had given it a name.

On his face she saw the same emotion she was feeling. He looked at her adoringly, and she returned the sentiment in her own gaze. He leaned in very slowly and she could sense this time, he was going to kiss her. And she wanted him to; at that moment she couldn't remember why they hadn't been doing it already.

As she answered that thought she brought everything crashing down.

She jerked back before Edward's lips could touch her. She couldn't kiss him—because she was already taken—and Edward wasn't hers.

_Not mine._

Edward didn't look offended—he just looked concerned. His fingers were still cupping her face and he gently brushed his thumb across the cheekbone before dropping his hand. He stood up and turned to walk up the aisle and Bella stood to follow him, heavy with regret.

They retrieved Bella's coat and Edward again helped her into it before they left the theatre. Bella noticed Edward glancing up and down the street but there were no crazy photographers lurking nearby.

The night air was cleansing. It washed over Bella and helped to restore her clarity. She acknowledged to herself that she may be in love with Edward, but she was married to another man—a wonderful man who deserved more than an unfaithful wife.

Edward was hailing a taxi. She turned to him and really tried not to sound defeated. "Maybe I should get my own cab tonight."

Edward started to nod his head but then stopped abruptly, "I left my book in your hotel room. I was planning on being able to pick it up when I dropped you off..."

Bella drew a cooling breath in. She could handle this—it was just another cab ride. She smiled back at him. "We'll share a cab."

Edward again stepped forward and hailed them a taxi.

* * *

They were quiet in the taxi and in the lift on the way to her floor. Bella noticed her hands trembling slightly as she opened the door. Edward helped her and she gave him a timid smile as thanks.

She walked through and Edward followed her, closing the door behind him. Not wanting to keep him she walked straight toward his book and bent down to pick it up. When she turned around to bring it back she was surprised to find him right behind her.

He had the same look of adoration on his face as he had in the theatre, and she couldn't help but return it. Edward's eyes lit up in response and then he brought both hands up to her face and held her head in his hands. He leaned in—slowly—but this time, Bella didn't stop him. Fueled by want, desire, and the privacy of the room, she allowed it.

She felt his lips press gently against hers, soft and warm. Her eyes closed and her head tilted up, her body responding involuntarily to his touch. Edward took her movements as consent and applied more pressure to his kiss. He opened his mouth slightly and kissed her again, and Bella found her own mouth responding without her letting it. His hand was sliding down her face and neck, then onto her shoulder. He stopped kissing her and reached down to unbutton her coat.

He lifted it off her shoulders and let out an audible breath as he trailed his hands over her bare skin. That noise undid her and she relaxed into him, fervently returning the kiss when his lips again met hers. When his kisses trailed down her neck and collarbone she allowed herself to feel his body. Edward groaned as he wrapped his hand around her waist and drew her against him by the small of her back.

Bella loved it.

She loved the feel of him all over her, she loved the smell of him this close, and she loved how he tasted. She loved him.

_Not mine._

She tensed.

Edward noticed and pulled away to see her face, moving his hand from her back to her waist.

"Bella?" he asked.

She couldn't meet his eyes. Her body and mind were warring with each other. Edward was so desirable, she knew if she looked at him, her mind would lose.

With considerable effort, she forced herself to speak. "I can't." It was barely a whisper but she knew he heard it.

"It's okay, Bella." He dropped his hand down from her waist. Her body ached at the loss, wanting nothing more than to have him back.

As if he could sense it, he pulled her into a gentle embrace murmuring, "It's okay."

She buried her face in his chest, refusing to let herself cry. He continued to hold her until she finally felt able to pull away. Edward let go, but leant down and kissed her lightly on the forehead.

"Goodnight, Bella."

She looked up into his eyes and saw that he understood. He gave her his sweet smile before retrieving his book from the floor and letting himself out.

* * *

**A/N: Ahhh... the first kiss. Not really a joyous occasion, but you know, she is married!**

**A bit more business:**

**I posted my Age of Edward entry—For Love or and Earldom. It's on my profile. Voted has started and I am up in Round One (voting closes July 22****nd****). Please have a read and if you think I'm worthy, I'd love your vote :)**

**http://www[DOT]fanfiction[DOT]net/u/1939261/The_Age_of_Edward**

**If you do ever want to hassle me about updating, I practically live at WA Rehab. It's a site Jezzeria has set up (of 'What in the Ward' fame) where Wide Awake addicts can go and chat about, well, everything. We have a great group of gals, all ages, all parts of the globe, all tragically addicted to fic. See you there? Don't forget to introduce yourself! **

**http://wide-awake-rehab[DOT]socialgo[DOT]com/**

**Review???**


	6. The Shooter

**A/N: This story is predominantly from Bella's perspective, but there will be at least two exceptions to this. This first is this chapter, which is from James' perspective. The other is still a surprise and won't happen until the end of the story.**

**I sourced James' surname from the twilightblog. I have no idea whether it is mentioned in the books. Mine have been loaned out for months now so I haven't been able to check.**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed and alerted after the last chapter—I was beyond thrilled with the response! Thanks to Furious Kitten and Brianna, the best betas in the world (how lucky am I!), PTB for being an awesome matchmaking service, Roo for validating and adding the finishing touches, and the Rehabers for making me smile :)**

**Lot of swearing in this one.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

* * *

James watched the taxi pull away from the curb. He grimaced to himself and swore loudly.

"FUCK!"

This wasn't what he had wanted to happen.

James had been doing this for a long time. He had been a paparazzo in some form or other his whole adult life, even through some of his adolescence. And he was fucking good. He was especially good at getting close to the celebrities, making them think he was some kind of friend. He made them believe he was on their side—like he was doing them a favour. He got them the exposure, and that got them the parts.

_Edward should fucking know this_!

James sent a scathing look at the retreating taxi. He hadn't fucked it up—Edward had.

Based on past experience, James knew that the newbie would lap it up—the neophytes all act the same. First, it frightens the shit out of them when they walk out onto the street and someone starts taking shots of them. Then they realize it means they're a big fucking deal, so their ego kicks in and they smile and pose. Then they go home and jump around their room like a friggin' excited teenage girl.

That's what Edward was supposed to do.

He should have been grateful that James was here, snapping pictures of him when he was practically a fucking nobody! And instead he freaked and vanished into a taxi.

"Fucker!" he cursed again, relieving some of his annoyance.

James was a legend in his part of the world—he was the best. People didn't understand how he could get so many exclusives. James knew why. Part of the reason he was so good was he could pick the up-and-comers. He knew more about this business than most people in it, and he used that knowledge to its full effect. He could spot a small-timer that had potential—he could almost smell them. Then he'd wait for the announcement that they'd been signed to their first big role.

That's how he got them to like him.

He would pop their 'fucking nobody' cherry and turn them into _somebody_. He was the first one to give them the attention they fucking desperately needed to get anywhere in this world, and they were always fucking grateful.

He didn't abuse this relationship though—he worked it. He would look out for the newbies, making sure only the nice shots left his hands, keeping the other assholes in line. The other assholes had no fucking class. They were always climbing over each other to get shitty shots of people doing shitty things. It wasn't that hard for James to look like the nice guy, the one they trusted.

The taxi was long gone and James scuffed his boot against the pavement in frustration. He knew it was now going to be that much harder to get Edward to trust him. And he had to get Edward—that guy was going to be so fucking big, and James was already eyeing a new jeep.

He'd got the call earlier that day that Edward had scored the lead in the latest vampire book to be made into a movie. Edward was so fucking unknown that James had actually had to find out who he was. James had been slightly pissed at that—he knew everyone. He'd felt somewhat exonerated when he found out Edward was British. At least he still knew everyone in the States.

He'd tracked down a few profile shots and had been fucking delighted. Edward was beautiful. People were going to fucking love him. And that had made it even more important that James be the one he could trust.

So he had put out his feelers to find where Mr. Edward Cullen was celebrating. James had a lot of 'staff' on board that would tip him off. He kept them happy. Which reminded him...

He pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to Laurent to meet him out back. Then he placed his camera back into his backpack and slung it over his shoulder as he started walking around to the side alley where the kitchen door was.

He was still pissed and baffled by Edward's behaviour. The big stars tended to get a little pissy, but not the newbies. They were happy to get the attention—it was the only thing that cemented their claim on this life. He guessed it was possible that Edward really didn't know how things rolled around here. _It's also possible that he is just a fucktard though_.

James ran through the scene in his head again. He had recognized the woman. He didn't know offhand who it was, but he didn't forget faces. From her looks alone, he could tell she wasn't an actress. _Too pale, and her boobs were too small_. So if she wasn't an actress, then what the fuck was Edward Cullen doing celebrating with her?

He knew he had his answer then—she was the reason why Edward hadn't cooperated. Edward should have smiled and made small talk. Instead, he'd panicked. James started musing over possible reasons for him to react that way while he waited by the restaurant's back door.

After a few moments, the door opened and Laurent came out.

"James," he acknowledged.

"Laurent, my friend. Thanks for the tip-off."James pulled his wallet from his back pocket.

"Did you get the shot?"

"Nah, nothing of value. Fucker panicked and fled. I just hope he's friendlier next time." He counted out the money and then handed it to the waiter. "I don't suppose you know who his date was?" James asked. "Did he say her name at all?"

Laurent didn't bat an eyelid at the question. It was part of the 'arrangement' that they try and pick up on everything.

"He called her Bella. They were pretty cozy in there."

_Bella?_ James tossed the name around, searching his memory for a connection. Someone that wasn't an actor. Possibly a broadcaster? Writer?

Bingo.

Bella Swan.

"Huh." He grinned widely to himself and shook his head as he folded his wallet back up before Laurent would think he was getting more for the revelation.

"Do you know who she is?" Laurent queried.

"Yeah, I do. She's an author. A fucking married author!" James laughed.

"Maybe those shots are more valuable than you thought?" Laurent said, raising his eyebrow at James in a suggestive way. James just scoffed at him. He looked after his people, but he wasn't about to start giving bonuses just because they got fucking lucky.

"Maybe. Maybe not." He emphasized the last bit, making sure Laurent was clear his wallet was not making a reappearance. Laurent got the point and shrugged lightly.

"Well, in that case, I should get back to work. Until next time, James."

"Thanks for the tip, Laurent. Until next time." James held his hand out to finish in a more businesslike manner. Laurent reached out, grasped it firmly and shook.

Laurent didn't smile as he released James' hand and disappeared back inside the restaurant. It used to piss James off that he didn't smile, but now he just knew Laurent was fucking serious like that. The guy was totally into his job and made enormous tips. It was a fairly hefty betrayal that he just committed—something he would never do to an established celebrity. But he would make exceptions for the newbies. And, of course, for the cash.

James turned to walk back out of the alley. He pulled a crumpled packet of cigarettes from his pocket and took one out, running it between his two fingers to straighten it before placing it between his lips. He pulled a lighter out and lit his smoke, drawing the heat into his lungs and exhaling it out loudly.

He headed toward the closest coffee shop on foot. The information on Edward's date had him reassessing things. It was likely that Edward had just panicked because he was having dinner with a married woman. This was reassuring for James. It meant that Edward would probably come around to liking him, which would mean he would get the shots in the future. However, it also meant he had to be careful with what he did with the shots he had. He didn't want to piss Edward off. Yet.

The other assholes would have run straight to the low-brow publications and started demanding cash. James wasn't that fucking stupid though. Letting those shots get out now would ruin any chances of Edward cooperating in the future, which just wouldn't do, because James really wanted that Jeep. Another idea started forming in his head.

He'd keep the shots, and he'd let Edward know that they weren't out there because of him. It was perfect—it would make Edward trust him on a whole different level.

James had reached the twenty-four hour coffee shop so he threw his cigarette onto the pavement and stomped on it. He went in and ordered, then took a seat at the most private table. He sat with his back to the wall so no one could see what he was doing, pulled out his laptop, and powered it up.

He opened up Google and typed in 'Bella Swan', patiently waiting while the results loaded, tapping his fingers in turn along the table. He didn't have to wait long. The first entry was from 'The Morning Show' website. James clicked through and found that Bella had been on there earlier in the week promoting her latest book. Then he saw that Edward had been on too.

"Huh!" James said out loud and whacked the table firmly with his hand. This was too fucking easy.

"Uh...is here okay?" James hadn't noticed the girl bringing his drink over. She looked a little startled and he realized that he must have shocked her with his outburst.

"Yeah, fine." He gave her a taste of his sexy smile to make up for his lack of discretion. She stared at him with a confused look on her face before placing his drink next to his laptop and hurrying away, almost like she was frightened.

James shrugged it off then picked up his hot chocolate and took a deep sip. It was so smooth and velvety and warmed his insides the way the cigarette had failed to do. He had to give it to the girl—she could make a great hot chocolate.

He went back to his searching. Bella's own webpage was listed next in the results. He had a quick browse through it and noticed she was still married, publicly at least. He clicked through to her book tour details and found she was due to give an interview on Monday with...

"Huh!" He exclaimed again. _Victoria, of all fucking people_. This was fantastic.

He went back and checked the third entry in the results. It was some crap public-sighting blog that nobodies could submit their photos to. He clicked through and found pictures taken at Bella's book signing. They were the worst quality, all grainy and pixelated. James could see they were taken with a phone camera, and a shit quality one at that.

The photos showed Bella sitting at a table and smiling up at a tall man in front of her. The man had his back to the camera but James recognized the mop of bronze-colored hair on top. _Christ!_ These two were so not fucking subtle.

He glanced at what was written beneath the photo. The woman who posted it seemed absolutely over the moon that she had seen Edward in public. This confirmed what James knew already—Edward was going to be huge. The woman went on to gush about how perfect he and Bella would be together, so James stopped reading. He didn't need her inane drivel.

He went back to Bella's page and stared at her portrait for a few moments while he thought over what he should do. He knew the photos couldn't get out—he needed to keep them safe so he could get Edward on his side. But that didn't mean he couldn't still get a little something from what he had gathered tonight. These two were so fucking obvious, they could never pinpoint James as the leak.

He pulled out his phone and scanned through his contacts. He found the name he was looking for and pressed send. It rang a few times before being answered.

"Hello." It was a silky smooth female voice. James fucking loved that voice.

"Victoria baby. Long time no see."

"You know there's a pretty good reason for that, James," the silky voice replied, sounding annoyed. James just chuckled.

"What is it you want?" the voice asked curtly.

"I have some information you might be interested in. I thought maybe we could discuss it over a drink?" The line was silent for a moment.

"I don't think I could be _that_ interested," the voice finally replied.

"Come on baby. You know me better than that. Trust me, you are interested." James' voice stressed the innuendo of his last words. There was the sound of a loud sigh.

"Apollo's at 10 pm. One drink." The line went dead.

James ended the call on his end, a huge smirk spreading across his face. This was turning out to be a far better night than he would've thought possible a short time ago. Not only did he have a way to get Edward Cullen on his side, he was also going to get laid. He let the smirk spread even further across his face as he stared absently across the coffee shop.

The girl who served him earlier flinched and moved quickly to the other end of the counter. James realized he had been inadvertently staring at her during his reverie. He nodded slightly to reassure her it was okay. She looked a little horrified before turning away and hurrying out to the back room. James could have sworn he saw her shudder.

* * *

**A/N: So, that is the only time we will delve into James' slightly disturbed mind. Sorry it was such a short chapter, but I really didn't want to go into James and Victoria's 'activities'. Suffice it to say, she can't resist him, but knows she should.**

**Next chapter we are back with Bella.**

**Review? I kinda love them.**


	7. Tears and Cheers

**A/N: It took FOREVER! I'm sorry. **

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed and/or alerted after the last chapter, they really make me grin all silly-like.**

**Thanks to Brianna for working through some issues with me, and mamma4ever for stepping into Furious Kitten's shoes while she was on vacay.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight**

* * *

The annoying buzzing sound was nagging at her again. Bella had been ignoring her calls all day. She picked her phone up to check who she was ignoring this time and found it was Alice, again. The score was now: Edward – nine times, Alice – twenty times, Mike – twice.

She was unable to talk to Edward or Mike right now, not until she had figured everything out. She had every intention of talking to Alice though, hopefully by the end of the day. She _needed_ to talk to Alice.

Bella sighed loudly.

Her laptop was open in front of her and she had tear stains down her cheeks from what she had been writing. Her dream last night had been torturous—Edward had left her. She had woken up feeling as though she was ripping in two, crying hysterically into a pillow that was already soaked with her unconscious tears. Once awake she still couldn't control it and the tears and sobs just kept coming, even though she knew it wasn't real.

Her morning had kind of set the tone for the day.

She'd had to get the pain out of her head so she had gone straight over to her laptop to write. That had been over seven hours ago.

Physically, it wasn't so bad. Bella was subsisting on cups of instant coffee—doing her penance for what happened with Edward, in a way.

Emotionally though... Bella had been hit by a freight train. It was like she was picking at an open wound the more she wrote and thought about it. Again and again she relived the agony of waking up. It was draining her, but in a way she welcomed it. It was also drowning out all her other thoughts of last night.

But she couldn't do it forever.

She pushed her chair away from the table and forced herself to stand up. Collecting her mug, she took it over to the sink to rinse. The inane task seemed so inconsequential, but it was the first step to pulling herself out of her non-reality.

She needed a shower. Her eyes were gritty from all the tears they had shed and she was still in her pajamas. After stepping into the bathroom, she turned the hot tap on and undressed quickly, wincing at the smell of her armpits as she brought the shirt up over her head. Seven hours of writing apparently had a similar impact as a good hour on the treadmill.

She made sure she had a long, hot shower. The feel of the water against her skin helped her return to the moment. Bella had always been an emotional writer; she would almost become her characters as she recorded their experiences. It made her a better writer, she knew, but it also made her painfully unfit for society until she could get 'out of character'. Mike knew all about it. He was used to coming home and finding her in tears, or irrationally angry, or particularly amorous. He accepted her and all her flaws.

Bella turned the heat up. It was scalding hot now and she could see the pale skin of her torso turning pink. It wasn't nearly as bad as last night though, when she literally felt the need to burn. Last night the shower had been punishment and purification all rolled into one. It had stripped away the remnants of Edward's touch and replaced it with pain. She hadn't wanted to do it but felt like she had to.

The shower was burning her again, only this time she couldn't take it. She turned the taps off and stepped out into the cooler air.

Once she was dressed and feeling a little bit better, Bella realized she was starving. Not ready to go out in public yet, she called down to room service for something to eat. She quickly scanned the options and decided on an omelette and she wondered whether Edward would have ordered the same. She guessed he would have.

Once she was sure food was on its way she decided to deal with her phone. She still wasn't ready to talk to Edward or Mike, but she needed them off her back for a while so she quickly typed out a text:

**Heavy writing day. Talk later.**

Mike would understand without any more explanation. She hoped Edward would too and hit send.

Now she could deal with Alice. Sunday was Alice's official 'off' day, which would normally include a gourmet lunch with Jasper in some ridiculously romantic location. Bella suspected that wasn't the case today based on the frequency of Alice's calls. She hoped not at least, as she really needed to talk to her. She called. It barely rang.

"Finally!" Alice answered, sounding disturbingly cheerful to Bella after the morning she'd had. She replied in a somewhat more sombre tone.

"Sorry I didn't return your call earlier, Alice. I've been writing—a lot." Bella felt the weight of her morning upon her shoulders as she said that.

"I don't mind, really. I've been keeping busy." Bella heard the distinct sound of a register cash drawer opening and figured 'busy' meant shopping. At least that pretty much guaranteed Alice was in a good mood.

"Can we maybe meet up... to talk?" Bella asked uncertainly.

"I can be there in fifteen minutes," Alice replied quickly.

Bella hadn't been expecting that. Since it was Sunday she assumed Alice would be out in the suburbs rather than staying at her and Jasper's penthouse. "So soon?" Bella questioned.

"Bella I have been 'shopping' in your neighborhood for two hours. It's not that soon for me." She giggled.

"Oh," Bella replied, comprehension dawning. Alice must have come into the city just to see her. "Sounds good?" she added, though wasn't sure it was. Glancing around the room she took in the evidence of her lock-down.

"Great! I'll see you soon. We'll do cocktails!" Alice added enthusiastically.

"Okay." Bella spoke in a higher voice, trying to match Alice's eagerness before hanging up. _Cocktails? _That would mean leaving the hotel room—something she was loath to do right now. Unless...

Bella called room service and successfully added two martinis to her order. Then she asked if they could possibly keep them coming. The attendant assured her they could deliver two martinis every thirty minutes until Bella asked them to stop. Bella was amazed. She thought you had to have a special Alice talent for getting things like that. Apparently, you only needed a room at an expensive hotel.

Bella then turned her attention to the room. Not expecting guests, she hadn't deemed it necessary for housekeeping to interrupt her writing earlier in the day. She now regretted it as she raced around clearing things away before Alice came up. The room smelled of cheap coffee and wet towels so she opened the doors to the balcony in an attempt to air it out. She closed them almost immediately though to stop the freezing air from wafting in and just hoped the stuffiness wasn't too bad.

The sharp rap on the door told Bella she had run out of time. She ran over and opened it up to reveal Alice looking fantastic and beaming. Her whole face softened however as she took in Bella's appearance.

"That bad?" Her voice was fraught with worry. She stepped through the door and pulled Bella into a soft embrace. "What went wrong?"

Comprehension dawned on Bella and she realized that Alice mistakenly thought her swollen eyes were because of Edward. She pulled back from Alice to explain.

"No, Alice. It wasn't like that. Really. This..." She pointed at her face, "is just from writing."

"Oh honey. How could _that_ ever be just from writing?"

Alice stepped into the hotel room, dropping a couple of boutique shopping bags next to the doorway, and began unbuttoning her beautifully tailored jacket while glancing around. Bella closed the door and then took the coat for her, draping it over the couch for want of a better place to put it.

"It's an emotional scene I'm writing," Bella explained, seeing Alice's scepticism when their eyes met. "I tend to get a bit carried away with these things."

She led Alice through and took a seat at the small table she had been using for a desk while Alice pulled out the chair opposite her and sat down. Alice was still eyeing Bella critically.

"You may tell yourself that Bella, but I think there is more to it. Tell me, what happened with Edward?"

Alice was always one for cutting to the chase—success and a tight schedule had only intensified the trait—but Bella couldn't be bitter about it now. She needed Alice to help her make sense of last night. She just hoped Alice could be as objective as she needed her to be.

Just as she opened her mouth to ask Alice to help, there was another knock at the door.

"Our drinks," she apologized. "And my breakfast."

The topic was halted while Bella dealt with the room service. Her hunger was amplified by the smells of the French omelette so she started on it before continuing the conversation. Alice deliberately looked annoyed and sipped at her drink, obviously anxious to hear what had happened.

After a few mouthfuls Bella was slightly less ravenous.

"Alice, I need you to tell me what you and Edward spoke about. And why you chose La Traviata."

Alice returned her drink to the table and she stared at its base while gently tapping a finger against the stem.

"Well, obviously we talked about where he was taking you for dinner. He needed a little help in that department so I may have directed him to a more romantic restaurant." Bella grimaced at this but Alice didn't notice, still staring at her cocktail glass. "He did ask about your feelings for him." Her eyes finally flicked up to Bella's for an instant before returning to the stem. Bella was certain now Alice was avoiding looking at her. "But I was vague, saying I wasn't entirely sure." Alice's finger tapping sped up and her jaw jutted out under her pursed lips. Bella recognized the minor change in expression that signified Alice was deep in thought. The tapping slowed again.

"Remember we saw La Traviata when we were in school, Bella?" She looked up.

Bella knew she had seen the opera before but hadn't given it much thought. She remembered now though. It had been a class trip during senior year. She and Mike were together, and had been for several months, so the trip must have been close to the year end. It had all been fun as far as she remembered.

"Yeah, I do," she answered. Alice's eyes seemed to search her face before returning to the glass stem.

"You had a good time on that trip, Bella. I remembered how much you enjoyed it and thought that if Edward was insisting on taking you to the theatre then at least he could take you to something you would like. That's all." She lifted her glass from the table and sipped, deeply this time.

"That's all?" Bella couldn't believe it was that innocent. This was, after all, Alice. "No other intended messages?" She stared at Alice.

"None." Alice returned her stare. Steady and even. If she was lying—she was very good.

"Well your choice of opera was a little insensitive." Alice's eyebrows furrowed questioningly. "_The woman who strayed_?" Bella added to clarify.

A surprised laugh escaped Alice's pursed lips and Bella knew then that it wasn't intentional.

"Oh, Bella, I didn't even think of that. Did Edward notice?" she asked.

"No, but I did. Damn near ruined the evening too." Bella took another piece of omelette into her mouth. Alice was still giggling gently and then Bella found her own sense of humour stirred. She had read way too much into Alice's choice. And now she felt ridiculous for having entertained the thought that Alice was directing her to her love. She laughed as well, but more at herself.

In the light of the hotel room, seated across from the ever pragmatic Alice, the whole episode seemed silly. It was absurd that she could be in love with Edward. Of course she lusted after him—that was clearly evident after last night. But the intense feelings she had experienced were just the result of ill-named operas, infatuation, loneliness, and too much Cristal.

"So... Why are you avoiding Edward's calls?" Alice pressed.

Bella felt she had enough in her stomach now to brave the martini. She took a tentative sip and felt the heat of the alcohol burn through her mouth. It felt good, and it punished her in a way the instant coffee just hadn't been able to.

"I kissed Edward."

Alice's face lit up into a huge grin, which was quickly replaced by a more appropriate look of shock as she realised what this meant. She furrowed her brow and took another sip of her cocktail. Bella charged ahead, determined to purge herself of the details.

"Dinner was lovely, and there was even a little flirting. The opera was another thing altogether though. I think... I think I let the wine go to my head." She shook her head slightly. "I managed to convince myself that I had... strong feelings for him. And then when we came back here he kissed me, and I... I kissed him. Then I realized I was kissing him and he stopped it." Bella felt the familiar guilt weighing on her shoulders again.

Alice was looking thoughtful so Bella turned her attention back to her omelette as she waited for the verdict. The remnants were cold now, and she had somewhat lost her appetite, so she pushed it aside and focused on the martini.

"Bella, I don't want you to overreact at what I am about to say, but, just don't beat yourself up about it. It's just a kiss."

Bella was expecting Alice to be somewhat forgiving. It was why she had wanted to talk to her—she needed to assuage some of the guilt she felt. But she didn't want to be let off so easily. She needed to be yelled at and made to feel like the horrible, selfish person she was.

"How would you feel if Jasper shared 'just a kiss' with another woman?" Alice recoiled like she had been slapped. She didn't hide it fast enough though and so Bella gave her a look that said '_See'_.

"Bella, it's not the same. Jasper and I..." Bella cut her off.

"Are what Alice? Married? In love? Mike is my husband, my lover, and my friend. And it's not 'just a kiss'. It's betrayal. It's infidelity. And it's cruel." Bella's words rang with conviction. She didn't want to defend her marriage to Alice. They had been together for longer than Alice and Jasper and she needed Alice understand that her marriage was just as important as any other.

Alice rolled her eyes at her.

"Yeah, alright Bella. You love Mike and don't want to hurt him—I get it. All I meant is what's done is done. There isn't any real damage to your marriage. But there will be if you let it get to you.

"And besides that, you can't tell me that you didn't realize there was a very good possibility that this was going to happen when you planned to have dinner with him." She tilted her head as if to say '_SEE' _and then drained what was left of her cocktail.

This is what Bella needed. She deserved the criticism. And Alice was right—she knew there was a damn good chance they would end up kissing. All she had to do was remember the look on Edward's face when she opened the door...

"I blame the dress, you know," Bella said quietly. It was, after all, what started everything.

"Oh please. You could be wearing a sack and Edward would still cream at the sight of you," Alice replied.

_What the hell?_

"I don't think so Alice," Bella said disbelievingly.

"He adores you." She shrugged, like it was a minor detail.

"Really?" Bella still couldn't quite fathom what Alice was saying.

"Don't be dumb, Bella. He adores you. He wants to kiss you. He wants to love you, forever and ever. Is it really that hard to understand?"

There was another knock at the door but this time Alice went and retrieved their cocktails. Bella was still a little stunned. If she really thought about it of course he liked her. He had asked her out to lunch, and then to dinner. And he had kissed her. She realized that she hadn't really placed any importance on his feelings. It had all been about her.

For the first time she tried to understand everything from Edward's perspective. If Alice was right and he 'adored' her, then she had been seriously leading him on. And it would have to stop—she couldn't do this to him. It was no longer just about hurting Mike. Now she knew she was hurting Edward too.

Alice returned with two martinis in her hands and placed one in front of Bella.

"So, what are you thinking?" she asked.

Bella let out a loud sigh. "I just didn't realize he really liked me. Not in any sort of permanent way. I guess I just chalked last night up to too much wine—and loneliness—for both of us." She paused for a moment.

"I think I have to speak to Edward. I think I have to let him know we can only be friends. I think I need to stay away from him." She finished off her cocktail and immediately picked up the next one. "And I think I need to do it soon, before I have too many of these." She gestured with the drink in her hand.

"Well, Edward is a little busy at the moment so you'd better slow down," Alice said.

Bella gave her a questioning look. "Busy?"

"Jasper may be keeping him company," Alice replied casually, not meeting Bella's eyes. Bella's grin started to spread across her face.

"Oh, Alice," she began, "You really are so much nicer than you want people to think." Bella laughed. Alice was still the same girl she had been in high school—still looking out for other people. Only now it included Edward too. Bella was glad he had someone to talk to today.

"Well, let's just say I had a feeling that you two would need some help today," she replied, flicking her hand in a way that said '_it's nothing'_.

They both sat quietly for a moment. Bella was still pondering Alice's caring side. She knew she had given up her day with Jasper for this—to be her friend.

"Thanks, Alice, for everything." Bella gave her the most genuine smile she could muster.

"You know I'd do anything for you," Alice winked quickly, "just not for Mike." Her face broke into a cheeky grin so Bella didn't bother getting defensive—Alice was just having fun. But then the grin changed into a very devious expression. "So you really don't want to be with Edward?" she asked.

Bella shyly smiled back. "Want has nothing to do with it. I can't." Bella didn't try to hide the wistfulness of her voice.

* * *

Bella called and stopped the cocktails after the next round arrived. From past experience she knew the fourth martini was her undoing, so she was determined to stop at three.

Alice had been a little huffy about that. She complained that she was having fun with all the "girl talk." Bella had brushed it off with an excuse about still having to call Edward and also having to attend an interview the next day. It wasn't a public interview—she was just meeting with the journalist at a restaurant—but she still didn't want to be hung-over.

Based on that logic, Alice had agreed it was probably best she leave. She placed a quick call to Jasper to let him know they were finished and kept talking with Bella until he called to let her know he had arrived. Alice left Bella with cheek-kisses and tipsily skipped out to meet him.

Bella closed the door and mustered up all her courage to call Edward. She held her cell phone in her hand and let out a nervous breath. Then the phone started to buzz in her hand and she answered it as a reflex, only afterwards thinking to panic about who it was.

"Hello?" Bella greeted hesitantly.

"Hi, Bella. It's Edward."

She knew she was supposed to be staying away from this man, but just hearing his voice she realized she couldn't. It stirred all of the emotions from the previous night and she sighed loudly.

"Hi, Edward," she replied, feeling all the butterflies rise up. She needed to ground herself somehow so she reached for her glass and firmly held the stem.

_Three martinis!_

The realisation that she was under the influence snapped her out of it. She couldn't trust herself to feel the right way, right now.

"Is everything okay? You haven't been answering my calls. I know I was way out of line last night and I'm truly sorry." It was all coming out of his mouth in a rush. She could only imagine the guilt he must be feeling.

"Please stop. I'm fine. A little drunk, but fine. I really was just writing this morning. I... I get a little caught up in it and just have to... write. I did intend to call you but then Alice came over. And then there were martinis..." she trailed off.

"So you still haven't learned, huh?" Edward laughed quietly.

"I still haven't learned," Bella agreed, amused by his recollection.

Neither spoke for a few seconds.

Edward let out a sigh then and started talking, "Bella, about last night." He paused briefly, "I really wouldn't have kissed you if I had realized it wasn't what you wanted. I just assumed, and I shouldn't have. I feel just horrible.

"I want you to know that I really don't see you like that. I mean... I do, but, God, this is harder than I thought." His frustration was both endearing and amusing.

"I don't want you to feel like you did anything wrong," Bella cut in, wanting to save him from the awkwardness.

"I need you to understand, Bella, I didn't think I _was_ doing anything wrong. I don't want to blame Alice for what I did, but she gave me the impression you wanted this, that maybe I just needed to be a bit more forward. I assumed that, you know, you felt for me the same way I feel for you..."

Bella inwardly cringed at the mention of Alice. She couldn't believe she had meddled to this extent. Clothes and dates were one thing, but emotions? Bella immediately regretted not being more suspicious of Alice's behavior, showing up after what she should have thought was an innocent date. She pushed aside her annoyance though—it was something she would have to deal with later.

Now she had to repair the damage with Edward. This really wasn't the conversation she wanted to have with him. They had hardly talked of her marriage as it wasn't a topic she was comfortable discussing, and now she understood he probably wasn't comfortable with it either. But she had to tell him. He had to know.

"Edward, I'm really happily married," she cringed as the words left her mouth. "I love Mike and I have no idea why I have been behaving this way. Honestly, I just thought we were being friends. And then last night, I just... was a little overcome with everything." She left out how she did feel the same way about him, knowing it would not help the situation.

"I can't hurt Mike. He is loving and wonderful and would never hurt me. And I am an awful person for what I have been doing." She sighed loudly.

"It's not like you can help it." Edward said suddenly.

"What do you mean?" Of course she could help it. She just hadn't tried.

"What I mean is, I feel so attracted to you—physically, emotionally. It's like you're my perfect match. And I know that I can't fight that, Bella."

"Edward, I..." she trailed off. How could she answer that? She couldn't tell him how she felt. Edward responded before she had a chance.

"Or am I completely alone in this? Bella, I need to know if you feel that way too." He sounded so unsure and full of doubt that Bella almost wanted to tell him just to make sure he didn't think he'd imagined it all. That desire was warring with the practical side of her brain that was screaming at her to take the opportunity to end it all now. Her practical side was winning—she needed this to end. And she hated everything about herself in this moment, because she had to lie.

"It's not like that for me Edward." Her face scrunched up with self-loathing. "I can't offer you anything but friendship."

He snorted but was otherwise quiet for a moment.

"I don't believe you don't feel this too," he finally said, his voice filled with hurt.

Bella didn't respond. If she spoke now she would say the things she wanted to say so badly. She would tell him how she thought he was the nicest man she had ever met and how just the sight of him made her knees weak. If she said those things—how she really felt— it would ruin everything.

Edward eventually spoke when it was clear she wasn't going to answer him. "Bella, I can't just be friends with you," he said sternly, challengingly. She was a little taken aback that he was giving her an ultimatum.

A choice. Between being with Edward as more than friends, or staying faithful to her husband and perhaps never seeing Edward again.

He had to realize that she couldn't choose him. She _had_ to choose Mike.

And now she was the one hurting. Hurting because she would never see Edward again, and even though she needed this to be over, she never wanted it to end. And she was hurting because on some stupid primal level, Edward was finishing it on his terms. So she hurt him too.

"I understand," she said angrily. And then she hung up before he could reply, just like a teenager.

* * *

**A/N: Next chapter we meet Victoria...**

**If you are at all inclined to read slash, I posted a one-shot for the tattward contest and made the final round. *squee* Voting ends on the 14****th**** of August. My entry is 'Rough Seas' by MySlashyFriend. Please have a look through the entries and vote for your favourites here:**

**http://www[DOT]fanfiction[DOT]net/u/1990394/Tattward_and_Inkella**

**Hopefully see you all a lot sooner! **


	8. The Vixen

**A/N: Wow. It has been a long road getting back to chapter 8! For those of you that are unaware, the first 8 chapters were already up on ffn when I started posting on Twilighted. I very quickly realised that the Twilighted version was infinitely better, and made the decision to pull the ffn version and reload with the validated chapters. It has been a painfully slow process getting back to this point, and I have no idea if any of my original readers are even still with me? The next chapter will be cause for celebration, as it will be the first real update they have had in, idk, lots of months!**

**Once again, thanks to everyone who reviewed, alerted or read the last chapter. To Furious Kitten and Brianna (aka wonderbetas) for knowing so much more about language and writing than I do. And to Roo, who validates me in every sense of the word :)**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

* * *

Bella sat nervously at the table, waiting for the journalist who was going to interview her. When she agreed to the interview a couple of months ago, there was no need for her to feel this apprehensive. At the time, Angela had suggested it was essential for the promotion of her latest book. The magazine she was being interviewed for was the highest selling for her target audience, which made this an amazing opportunity, or so Angela told her.

Bella hadn't given the interview much thought after that. It was going to be casual, something she always specified. The journalist had suggested lunch at a restaurant and that had sounded fine. Two weeks ago she had attended the photo shoot and it had been relatively pain free. The interview itself had been happily pushed to the back of her mind except in the form that it represented the end of her book tour—her last contractual obligation before she could head home.

That was until Angela called her this morning.

"Bella, this interview today is going to be a lot harder than expected," she admitted. "The journalist... she is like a god to her readers. Actually, they are more like her followers; they take everything she says as gospel. And she has a knack for getting people to open up. It's why we decided to go with her. No offense, but you can be a little bland. We were hoping that this interview would reveal some of your quirkier attributes, and hopefully expose you to new readers."

Bella had been a little insulted by this. She was aware that Angela was perpetually annoyed with her lack of marketable qualities and her general aversion to publicity. But they had reached an understanding a long time ago once Bella continued to sell books despite these apparent flaws. It dawned on her that she had probably underestimated Angela's abilities and she briefly wondered if she owed more of her success to Angela than she had previously thought.

Swallowing her annoyance she had asked, "So what happened to make this harder?"

"Edward Cullen has happened! People are falling over themselves to get any information on this guy. He scored a big, huge role and now every media outlet is trying to pull a story together. They are hitting the search engines and coming up with shots of him at your book signing. I've had six calls this morning asking about your relationship with him."

Bella's stomach sank. "Oh," she had said quietly.

"Don't worry about that. I've informed everyone you are friends—nothing more. What I need you to do is focus on Victoria. That woman is just as thirsty for this story as everyone else, but she will be totally persistent. Do not let her goad you about Edward," Angela ordered.

After Angela's call, Bella had felt compelled to find out more about this Victoria. She had started up her laptop and conducted a frenzied internet search, trying to learn everything she could before she had to leave. After a few minutes Bella had a pretty good picture of what she was up against.

Angela had been right about the followers—people openly worshipped this woman. There was site after site dedicated to her opinions. Bella had scrolled down past them until she found an article written on Victoria. It told her everything she needed to know, and was considerably more objective.

Victoria was _the_ top journalist for the biggest selling women's magazine in the States. She was predominantly a celebrity journalist, but she covered the whole spectrum: from reality TV stars to well-respected politicians. She was extremely successful and sought after, her huge following guaranteeing sales for whichever publication she worked for. This demand granted her a currency that not many other celebrity journalists could boast: she was important in her own right, and therefore, not dispensable.

Most journalists couldn't risk upsetting the star; however, it seemed that Victoria was just as big a celebrity as almost anyone sitting in front of her, so she could afford to offend and disparage. The stars might get upset, but the truth is they needed the magazine's coverage. Victoria could ask them anything she wanted, and they had to give her answers. This is how she managed to be so successful. She got answers to the questions nobody else could ask.

Bella finished her research and had resigned herself to being made a fool of. After everything that happened yesterday, she knew she was not in any condition for this sort of interview.

The previous day had been an entire rollercoaster of emotions regarding Edward. The anger hadn't lasted long; it was quickly replaced by shame at how she could have treated him like that. Then remorse for how she should have handled things differently. Finally, she just gave up. It had ended badly because she had handled it badly. But she couldn't talk to him again. It was better it ended badly now then kept going to where it could only end worse.

And then there were her feelings about Alice. She had meddled in Bella's life again, though possibly this time to an unforgivable extent. Alice had played with Edward's emotions, and subsequently, Bella's. She couldn't blame Alice for her own infidelity, but she could still be mad at her for the hand she'd had in it.

Bella had called Mike before she went to bed. Her martinis had worn off and left her with a dull headache. It had been a quick call; Mike had needed to catch up on some sleep and she had been thankful as she also needed the rest. But then the call left her feeling impossibly lonelier, and emptier. She slept badly after it, tossing and turning, her dreams merging Mike with Edward and confusing her with thoughts of why she had to stay away from him.

The dream she woke up to in the morning was not much better. While not as heart-wrenching as yesterday's, it was still painful. Edward was angry at her—really angry. They were in a room with lots of books and he was yelling. She couldn't remember what he had been saying, but it was enough to make her cry. She awoke with tears streaming down her cheeks again, feeling heavy with emotions that she had no control over. Dragging herself out of bed she realized she was almost as exhausted as when she had entered it. The dull headache was still there, coupled with the weaker grasp on reality she experienced when she was underslept.

It was in this condition that she was now waiting to meet the celebrity journalist that was going to rip her apart in order to find some scoop story.

She was sitting towards the back of a small Italian restaurant at a table obviously set up for privacy. Everywhere she looked she could see red and white checked tablecloths, topped with unused tableware. There were very few customers and for that Bella was thankful. It was the reason they organized to meet at eleven.

But now Victoria was fifteen minutes late. It was doing nothing for Bella's nerves to be sitting there waiting. She was starting to consider leaving and cancelling the whole interview, but then a lady entered the restaurant who looked toward her and smiled. It was the same face Bella had brought up on her laptop that morning and it made all thoughts of leaving vanish.

Victoria was beautiful. Stunning even. She had red hair the color of flames and a pale, perfect complexion that lacked any trace of the freckles so common to fair skin. Her eyes were the color of violets and made what would otherwise be a sculptured face warm and inviting. Bella found herself wondering how she could have been worried about meeting this woman. This was no vixen; This was an angel.

The angel waved perfectly and headed towards the table with a grace that outshone even Alice. Bella couldn't take her eyes off her as she fluidly pulled the chair from the table and sat down, still smiling, halo firmly in place. A chair to the left of Bella moved and she was surprised to see a man joining them. He was not nearly as remarkable so Bella forgave herself for being unobservant. He was well built and handsome, she guessed, but most men paled in comparison to Edward these days.

"Bella Swan. I'm so pleased to meet you." The angel held a polished, poised hand out across the table for her to shake. She shook it softly, still awed by the beauty in front of her.

"Pleased to meet you too," she replied automatically.

"I'm Victoria, and this is Riley." She gestured to the man that was sitting next to her. "I must say I'm a huge fan of yours and I've been looking forward to this interview for weeks now." Her enthusiasm seemed genuine and Bella found herself even more enamoured with her for it.

"Riley is here to record the interview." At her words the man placed a small digital recorder on the table top and pulled out a notebook. Victoria had nothing in front of her. Bella took notice of the absence and concluded that Victoria's extreme success was justified. She must have an incredible memory to be able to interview without notes. If nothing else, Bella now knew Victoria was both beautiful and intelligent.

Riley hadn't moved much in this time and Bella started to suspect he didn't share Victoria's mental abilities. Then Riley looked back up to Victoria, mouth agape, as if searching for guidance on what to do next and Bella gave herself a point. _Definitely a dimwit_.

Bella realized her appraisal of Riley had left Victoria the opportunity to peruse her uninhibited. She felt the woman's eyes on her face and as she turned her attention back to Victoria their eyes met. The most embarrassing blush began to creep into her cheeks at that simple contact. If Victoria could make her blush like that without so much as a word she knew this was not going to be an easy interview.

Victoria greeted the blush with a self-satisfied smirk and then broke eye contact to hail the waiter. She was firm in her requests, but not too bossy. Bella took notice of the way the waiter eagerly nodded and smiled at Victoria. He hurried off to do her bidding and only then did Bella realize Victoria had been ordering.

"I hope you like veal. They do the best scallopini here—you'll love it."

Bella was a little taken aback at being ordered for, but then she understood the gesture for what it was—tactical. Victoria was getting the upper hand, and she was getting it early. It was probably meant to upset Bella, or maybe just unnerve her. Whatever Victoria's intention, Bella didn't let it bother her.

"I love scallopini," she replied, trying her best to sound thrilled.

"Oh, I can't imagine such a lovely little place as Forks has a wide variety of scallopini," Victoria commented sweetly.

That was a little passive-aggressive for Bella's tastes. Victoria looked for all the world like she had paid Bella a compliment. She was either a very good actor, or completely oblivious. Bella already knew enough to not be fooled into thinking it was the latter.

"Actually, I like to make it myself," Bella confessed.

"How lovely." Victoria smiled deeply and warmly. Bella was again struck by this woman's beauty. She had no doubt that Victoria was aware of the effect she had on people, and Bella was guessing this smile was at the top of her arsenal.

"So, may we get started while we wait for our lunch?" Victoria asked.

"Sure. Fire away."

Victoria sent a pointed look at Riley who flipped open the notebook and pressed a button on the small recorder.

"Hmm... what are Bella Swan's interests?" she asked smoothly.

Bella had been expecting to start out with an easy one. She breathed a sigh of relief that at least this much of the interview was predictable.

"I like to write, obviously. And read. I'm an avid reader, and I'll try almost anything. As I just mentioned, I also like to cook. Apart from that... just the usual hanging out with friends and family." Bella finished and was slightly amused that Victoria hadn't completely managed to hide the disdain from her face. Bella was aware that her level of ordinariness was often despised by those whose job it was to exploit peculiarities.

"Have you ever tried doing anything unusual? Extreme sports?" Victoria fished.

Bella was startled by this question. Was it possible Victoria was aware of this small detail of her past? The thought that anyone would have delved so deeply into her personal history scared her.

"Actually yes," she answered warily. "When I was eighteen I tried my hand at cliff-diving. But I gave up after the first attempt."

"Too scary?" Victoria guessed. Bella relaxed substantially. She didn't know what happened. It was most likely just a coincidence that she asked that question.

"No. I almost drowned."

"Yikes," Victoria responded, but she sounded impressed. She ploughed ahead with the next question. "How often do you write, Bella?"

"Almost every day. I had some time off recently after the last Stanford book was complete but I recently began writing again."

This was Bella's secret weapon. She fervently hoped the exclusive of a new book in the works would satiate Victoria's journalistic needs—possibly saving her from too many questions about Edward.

"Another Stanford book?" Victoria asked, her curiosity noticeably piqued.

"No, I'm working on a new idea. It's still in the early stages of development. I'm not really ready to give anything away yet," she added, determined not to let Victoria push her on this particular topic.

"So the Stanford series is definitely closed?"

"At this point yes. I've told every idea I had in relation to those characters. Maybe at some point in the distant future I might have more ideas, but right now, I don't see it happening." Bella went out of her way to be descriptive. It was her experience that if she gave more information answering the questions she was comfortable with, the ones she wasn't were easier to side step.

They were interrupted briefly while the waiter placed their plates of scallopini in front of them. Bella had to admit it smelled wonderful and she mentally forgave Victoria for her pre-emptive ordering. Before she could take a bite, another waiter appeared with a bottle of Shiraz and three glasses. He opened the wine and proceeded to pour it.

Bella held her hand out in a gesture to stop. "Not for me, please. Could I possibly just have coffee?"

"Of course." He gave her a quick smile as he finished pouring for the others. Bella chanced a look at Victoria to see if she was being offensive by refusing the wine. The truth was that Bella couldn't stomach it—had never been able to. Victoria didn't look upset which was reassuring. She was even smiling a little at Bella.

"You don't drink wine?" she asked.

"Only white," Bella responded.

"You have no idea what you are missing out on." Victoria commented as she smirked in a way that reached her eyes. She grabbed her glass and drank deeply, staring intently at Bella the whole time. As she finished she licked her lips and finally did look like the vixen Angela warned her about. But as fast as that character appeared it vanished, and she again donned her halo.

They began to eat and made small-talk while Bella waited for her coffee. She listened carefully to Victoria, trying to learn as much about this woman as possible, but Victoria revealed nothing of consequence. Despite this, Bella found herself captivated by everything Victoria said.

The waiter returned with Bella's coffee and she gratefully took a deep sip. She had been waiting for that all day and it instantly made her feel better and helped heightened her senses. Victoria allowed her to savour it before resuming the interview.

"So, Bella, tell me about your home life. What is a typical day like for Bella Swan?"

She took another sip before answering. "Well, it changes. When I'm writing I can spend most of the day at my computer. I take very few breaks, and I may also work late into the evening. When I'm not writing life is very casual, and very domestic. It's during those periods that clothes are bought and housework gets done. I put extra effort into making meals for my husband. Of course, those times have been very few and far between over the last four years."

Victoria looked at her with something strangely akin to pity in her eyes. Bella chose to ignore it and smiled warmly at Victoria to indicate she really was happy. Victoria responded with a far more forced smile before moving on to the next set of queries.

The interview settled into an easy rhythm of Victoria asking questions and Bella answering them. Occasionally they covered something more controversial, like the rumours she had stolen the idea for the Stanford Series from a college roommate. Bella responded to these, despite being certain Victoria was already aware of all the details.

After a while there was a distinct shift in the tone of the questions being asked. They began to be more probing, more personal. Three times Victoria brought up Alice, trying in vain to get Bella to reveal something about their relationship. Alice and Jasper were well known socialites and no doubt Victoria had hoped to uncover something interesting about them. Bella responded the same as she always did—stating they had been friends since school and that she did not discuss personal information about her friends and family.

Then Victoria started on Mike. The first time was a casual question about what Mike did for a living. Bella revealed that he ran the family business in Forks—something that was common knowledge—and again reminded Victoria that she wouldn't discuss these matters.

Victoria had given her a slight nod and another warm smile indicating that this was fine.

The second time she mentioned Mike was more of a shock. Victoria made a derogatory remark about his grades in college, and then went on to insinuate they were the reason he settled for running the family business, thus keeping Bella in Forks. It was the first time Victoria revealed the extent of her investigation into Bella's past, and not just hers—Mike's. Bella's blood boiled.

It was cruel of Victoria to say those things and Bella automatically felt defensive. Mike's grades were low in college, but he had worked upwards of thirty hours a week at his parent's store, and spent countless hours organising social and sporting events. His grades had suffered, but he had let them. He knew he would one day run the business and he never had any desire to do otherwise.

Bella was so tempted to rant about these things to Victoria, who sat there with a self-satisfied smirk on her face. Instead she bit back the numerous insults she wanted to unleash and gave her standard response.

"Again, I will not answer questions of a personal nature about my friends and family. I can assure you though, that I am incredibly happy with my life in Forks, and I would not prefer to live anywhere else," she finished sternly.

Victoria glowed with confidence as she responded, "Of course."

Her tone gave Bella the distinct impression she was pleasing Victoria—inadvertently doing exactly what she wanted. She felt her nerve starting to unravel and picked up her coffee, allowing the warmth of the mug to calm her.

Thankfully, Victoria returned to a more standard line of questioning.

"What has the response been to this book tour?"

Bella answered in a resigned tone, "Really positive. Everyone seems satisfied with how the series has ended. Although I must admit that most of the fans seem unwilling to let it go. There is a lot of speculation that there will be more books."

Bella watched as Victoria very deliberately placed her fork across her plate and pushed it slightly to the side even though it was still half full. She worried that perhaps it was another tactic, allowing Victoria a way to prolong the interview if necessary. Then she realized her unease was starting to get the better of her. In an effort to finish the interview she pushed her own plate aside too.

Victoria looked surprised by this act and returned her gaze to Bella, seemingly sizing her up.

"You said in an interview just last week that you were taking time off from writing. What has changed in that time that has inspired you to start again?" Victoria kept her gaze level and didn't look in the least bit smug.

Bella knew in that moment that, despite her earlier observations, she had still managed to underestimate Victoria. It was time to enter into half-truths.

"I've been able to relax a bit the last week. The tour has been winding down and I guess I found more time to focus my ideas."

Victoria looked faintly amused by her response. That look told Bella enough—Victoria had been able to add two and two together. She watched as the amused expression was replaced by unmistakeable excitement. _This is it_, Bella realized.

"Bella, what is your relationship with Edward Cullen?"

"Edward is a friend," she replied a bit too quickly, unable to help being a little startled by the bluntness with which Victoria pounced. It was swiftly replaced by a wave of sadness as she realized what she had said probably wasn't even true.

"Have you known him long?" Victoria prodded.

"No. Actually, we just met last week, on The Morning Show," Bella answered, forcing her voice to completely lack emotion.

"You had a great turn out for the book signing on the weekend. I understand Edward was there as well?" Victoria drank deeply from her glass as she eyed Bella, waiting for her response.

"He did show up, unexpectedly," she added, emphasising it wasn't an arranged meeting.

"You were also seen having dinner with Edward that night." Victoria stated, and this time she did look smug.

Bella was a little alarmed that Victoria had this information. It was frightening to think that it could have just come up in an internet search. Frightening, _but not impossible_, she realized. Any number of people could have seen them together. She decided not to risk lying.

"We did go to dinner. As friends," she added, stressing the '_friends'_.

Victoria practically sneered, "Is your husband aware that you have been seeing Edward?"

Bella's pulse quickened at the accusation. "I am not 'seeing' Edward. My husband is aware that I am friends with him though, and that I had dinner with him," she retorted angrily. Victoria didn't even flinch.

"Edward was seen returning with you to your hotel."

Bella froze. It was far worse than she had imagined. Victoria had a source, and it had to be someone close. That thought petrified Bella. There were very few people who had any knowledge of her and Edward; only Alice, possibly Jasper, and Edward himself. If any of them had talked it would be an unforgivable breach of confidence.

As fast as the idea occurred to her, another, more palatable option came to mind. There were plenty of people in the hotel foyer who had seen her leave with him. It was late when they returned and she hadn't noticed anyone, but she hadn't exactly looked either. It was possible someone had seen and recognised one of them.

Bella cursed herself for being so careless as she explained herself, "He did come up to my hotel room. But it was only to retrieve something that he left there earlier. He was gone after only a few minutes."

"And what did he leave there?" she asked, looking more than a little pleased with herself.

"A book," Bella answered, trying to make her voice convey the topic was closed.

For the briefest moment Victoria's eyes softened and Bella let herself hope that perhaps it was finished. But then she watched as her eyes again narrowed and Victoria continued.

"You were also seen kissing Edward." She raised her eyebrows suggestively.

Bella quickly assumed it was a guess. She refused to believe that Victoria could be aware of that information.

"We did no such thing," she replied, filling her voice with scorn in the hope it covered the outright lie.

Victoria examined her intently for a few seconds, drinking in every detail of Bella's face.

"I think you did," she concluded softly. Bella felt the blush begin to creep into her cheeks again. She begged it to stop but it stained her cheeks with her guilt. Victoria's eyes widened at the sight of it and she smiled whilst beaming with satisfaction.

Bella was horrified. The most well-respected celebrity journalist in the country sat across from her with full knowledge of what she had done with Edward. She couldn't be any more of a fool. Looking away from Victoria, she stared at her half empty plate, exacerbated by her own stupidity.

Victoria's voice was softer as she began the next question.

"Is your husband aware that Edward accompanied you to your hotel room?"

The mention of Mike triggered Bella's normally automatic response and she sighed as she realized how stupid she had been, how she let herself be goaded. The worst possible damage was already done, but she would give Victoria nothing more about Edward.

"I do not wish to discuss personal information about my family and friends," she repeated, wishing she had remembered those words three questions ago. She returned her gaze to Victoria and pleaded with her eyes for it to be over.

"Well, in that case Ms Swan, I believe our interview is finished." There was no apology in her voice, but her expression had softened and she smiled ever so slightly. Bella couldn't bring herself to return it.

Victoria and Riley left quickly after gathering their things and leaving a small pile of money on the table. They did their best to thank Bella for her time, but she was barely responsive, still stunned by her stupidity. She was so annoyed at herself, she hardly managed to be civil as they departed and then found herself staring blankly after them as they left the restaurant.

She didn't move for a few minutes, her mind too preoccupied with what had just occurred.

Not only was there media speculation about her and Edward, there was now the gospel according to Victoria. Bella buried her head in her hands as she mused about how this morning she had thought things couldn't get any worse—that not seeing Edward again was as bad as it could be. But this was definitely worse.

People would talk. And the talk was on its way to Forks.

She pulled out her phone and called Angela. After a few rings she picked up.

"Bella?" she asked, her voice concerned.

"I need to go home, Angela. I need to go back to Forks."

* * *

**A/N: Okay, just to clear a few things up. Victoria only knows about the book signing and Bella having dinner with Edward. All the other things are just guesses. Bella, in her uncertainty about where the information is coming from, gave Victoria more information, which led to more guesses. Silly Bella!**

**So, thoughts? You know I love to hear them.**


	9. Not So Sweet at Home

**A/N: We're officially into New Moon phase now. The next couple of chapters are written and beta'd, so hopefully we get through this reasonably quickly.**

**This chapter goes out to Sweetdreams82, faniac, Ellelovesedward, Patent Peekaboo Poses, and AnUnbrokenHorse aka RushtonElf. If you are still reading this, thank you :) I'm sorry this chapter took so long!**

**Thanks again to those who left me some feedback—it makes me giddy. Thanks to Brianna and Furious Kitten who red-pen this story into a readable piece of work. And thanks to Roo for being an awesome validator.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight**

* * *

"Whoa, Bella, you look terrible. Are you okay?" Jessica exclaimed as she reached out and rubbed Bella's shoulder. Bella flinched automatically, but allowed the comforting gesture, even though it felt condescending.

"Where's Mike?" she asked, ignoring Jessica's question. She was glad he wasn't here, but it was odd that he hadn't come to meet her at the airport.

"Oh, Mike had to work, so I offered to come get you. I didn't have anything going on today, so I just thought it would be easier... Is everything alright? You really don't look well."

"I'm fine," she answered as she headed off to retrieve her bag. Jessica quickly caught up and began her usual nattering.

"How was the tour? It wasn't nearly as long this time, was it? I mean, last time you were away for, like, six weeks wasn't it? I guess it must have gone a lot faster for you."

Bella half listened to her while she waited for her luggage. Over the years she had learned to accept and then appreciate Jessica. They were never close in high school, but Bella's relationship with Mike eventually brought them together.

Mike and Jessica's parents were close friends and so the two families spent most holidays together. Once Bella started coming to these events she found herself thankful that Jessica was there. The more time they spent together, the more she found she enjoyed her company. Alice's departure after high school had left a large gap in Bella's life, and Jessica went some way towards filling it.

That's not to say Bella forgot about Jessica's bad points. She could talk forever, which was equal parts good and bad. Sometimes it was a relief to be the silent partner in a one-sided conversation. But it could also be annoying as all hell. It wasn't Jessica's worst trait though. Her worst trait was that she was married to Tyler, Bella's ex.

Most people have the benefit of being able to move on from their first time. Unfortunately for Bella, Tyler was part of the family functions now too. They were excruciatingly polite to each other, and never, ever mentioned their brief liaison in senior year.

Bella retrieved her bag and they headed out to Jessica's car. She occasionally contributed to the conversation, but mostly she let her mind wander.

"So Tyler's new business is going really well," Jessica continued.

"That's great," Bella replied, failing to sound as pleased for them as she was. Tyler had started a web design company the previous year after Mike couldn't find anyone locally to make a website for the store. It had been really slow at first and she had worried that Mike may have pushed him into a fruitless endeavour. She was glad it was working out for them now.

"He's been getting lots of new accounts in Portland and Port Angeles. It's great because there is more money coming in. But then he is gone all week. Even the last couple of weekends he has had to work.

"Next week, he is going to Seattle to try and land a big client. He doesn't think he can get it, but if he does, he'll have to hire someone. Then he'll be a manager as well, unless he wants me to start working for him? I don't know how I feel about that..." Jessica continued enthusiastically talking about the business and its potential. Bella climbed into the passenger seat and let her thoughts wander over the last day.

She had been so eager to leave after the interview that she only headed back to the hotel to get her suitcase. From there, it was a cab straight to the airport and then on to the first available flight. In hindsight, it was stupid for her to leave so suddenly, but at the time it had felt crucial. She was driven by a need to be with Mike before the inevitable rumours about Edward made it to Forks—as if being there could somehow make it better. And if she were totally honest with herself, she also had to get away from Edward. While she was still in the same city, there was always a chance her resolve would weaken. She needed to escape.

It was early evening by the time she got on a flight which meant she would miss the last plane to Port Angeles. She was stuck in Seattle for the night, but she did prefer that to spending another night just a cab ride away from Edward. Not wanting to venture too far from the airport, she got a room at the closest motel. She may as well have stayed at the terminal though, as she never used the bed. She wrote most of the night.

There was so much to get out. She had all the emotions from her dreams the night before as well as her anxiety from the interview. She was spent emotionally. Her soul felt like it had been ripped in two and she was desperate for an outlet to try and heal. The writing helped.

She had woken up less than two hours later, asleep at the small table she had used for a desk. There was no time to shower or change and even without that she barely made it to the shuttle on time. The lack of sleep combined with the distraction of having to rush caused her anxiety to resurface. It was overwhelming her as she approached the small nine-seater plane and she worried whether she would be able to keep it together for the flight. She hesitated only slightly before boarding, reasoning the sooner she was home, the sooner she could truly give in to her melt-down.

The flight to Port Angeles, although a much shorter distance, impacted her in a way the flight the day before hadn't. She was really starting to feel the absence of Edward—every minute in the air felt like it was physically tearing her away from him. She couldn't understand why it had been so much harder than the first leg of her trip. Then they landed and she realized why it was worse.

She didn't want to see Mike.

It made sense now. She was anxious about being further away from Edward, but she was even more anxious about being with Mike. Her relief at seeing Jessica confirmed it. As she sat in the car not listening to Jessica ramble on she realized that things had definitely changed.

This didn't feel right.

"So, soon we'll be able to afford for me to upgrade my car to the new model. I can't wait. And I'm going to get it in that cute turquoise color. Not the pastel, I want the metallic, that way it will sparkle. I wonder if I can get that?"

There was nothing Bella could do to change what had happened with Edward, but she couldn't let her feelings about him ruin her life. She had been happy before. She hoped desperately that she would be again.

Jessica's voice was soothing in its own way. It provided a rhythm to match the slight jostling from the road. Resigned to her fate, Bella leant against the glass of the window and finally allowed her exhaustion to overtake her.

* * *

"Bella, we're here."

"Bella?" This time the noise was accompanied by gentle shaking and Bella felt herself curl up in protest.

"Come on, Bella!" The shaking got more urgent and Bella opened her eyes to glare at the perpetrator.

"We're here. I've already taken your stuff in. But you can't sleep in my car all day."

Bella knew she couldn't, as much as she wanted to. She stretched her back and neck and then undid her seatbelt before getting out of the car.

"Thanks, Jessica," she said, and meant it.

Jessica gave her a half-hug, "I'll talk to you later, okay? Try to get some more sleep," she added as she slid into the driver's seat. The car started and Jessica pulled out of the driveway.

Bella gave a casual wave as the car disappeared down the street then turned to look at her home.

The door stood open and she absently realized that Jessica must have found her keys. She was grateful for the extra few minutes of sleep that allowed her so she didn't mind.

As she eyed the doorway she felt the dread coming back to fill her. This was their home. It was a simple, one story, three bedroom house that had been her sanctuary. But now she had tarnished it with her betrayal. It would never give her solace to be between these walls again. She almost didn't want to go inside. Having no other options, she summoned her courage and entered.

It was like standing in a stranger's home. The smells were no longer familiar and as she looked around she noticed the distinct lack of her presence. Mike was everywhere though—scattered clothes, empty beer bottles, discarded sports magazines. Bella hadn't been there for weeks now and the house reflected it. She felt like an uninvited and unwanted guest.

Needing to feel some sense of comfort, she headed for her office. As she opened the door she breathed a sigh of relief. This room was still hers. She entered and walked over to her well-worn office chair. Sitting down she tried to absorb the calm she felt upon entering. Everything in this room belonged to her: the beloved book collection, the framed prints on the wall, even the old rocking chair in the corner. This room contained all her hopes and dreams, her past and her future. It felt like home.

Her eyes were drawn to the book shelf against the far wall where her own novels sat proudly. There were two sets: one in mint condition, the other used for referencing. She walked over to the worn copies and plucked the first from the shelf. As she held it adoringly, her mind recalled Edward's face at her hotel door that day. A lump was forming in her throat at the memory and how everything had changed since that night. Figuring this was as good a time as any to go on a real crying jag, she walked over to the rocking chair and slumped down. She let her grief overwhelm her and sobbed loudly, cradling her story to her body while rocking back and forth slowly in her chair.

* * *

The sound of Mike's car pulling into the driveway sent Bella's heart pounding in her chest. She was scared of seeing him—scared of what her reactions would be. It had been worrying her ever since she realized how displaced she felt in her own house. Would she feel that way about Mike now, too? She heard him close his car door firmly and the gravel crunch beneath his feet as he walked toward the house.

The door was unlocked and as he turned the handle, Bella stood to meet her fate. It flew open and revealed her husband, looking happier than she had seen him in a while.

"Baby, I missed you so much!"

He crossed the room in three long strides and enveloped her in a loving embrace, pressing her head against his chest with his palm. Bella was thankful he couldn't see her face. The loathing written all over it was not for him—she loathed herself. For in that moment, she knew she couldn't feel the same way about him.

Bella held back the sobs that were threatening to escape her and instead wrapped her arms around Mike, pulling him closer to her. She could feel the love emanate from him as he held her close.

"I missed you too," she whispered quietly, her mouth muffled by his jacket.

They did nothing but hold each other for the longest time—Bella didn't trust herself to move. Her insides were churning with the realization that, as familiar as this embrace was for her, it no longer felt the same. It held none of the security she used to find in Mike's arms. The love wasn't pouring out of her for him.

_Where is it?_

Desperately wanting to feel the same emotions for Mike that she felt with Edward, she gripped him tighter. He pulled her closer to him, urged on by her actions.

She pressed her lips against his chest, firmly. He responded by kissing the top of her head, lovingly. It—the all-consuming love— still wasn't there. She had to try and find it though. She owed it to Mike to try, and she owed it to herself. She did _not_ walk away from Edward for this.

She pulled her head out from his chest and stared at Mike in the eyes. He looked sad, almost as though he knew what her thoughts were. There was the same sorrow for the loss of their relationship there in his eyes. She worried that he was getting that from her; she didn't want him to ever see that.

Closing her eyes, she grabbed the back of his head with her hand and pressed her mouth against his. The familiar kiss soothed her, but it couldn't erase her thoughts. She deepened it.

It was happening now—she could feel her need for him growing. She kissed him harder and started removing his jacket, making it very clear what her intentions were.

Mike pulled away and smiled at her—again, lovingly—before leading her through to the bedroom. Bella followed, knowing she couldn't return the love, but she could still need him.

* * *

"There is hardly any food in the fridge, Mike. What have you been eating?" Bella asked, hunched over the crisper.

"Mostly pizza. I cooked a couple of times. I ate at the Crowley's a couple of times. And sometimes..." He grinned at her cheekily as she straightened from the fridge, "I had pizza at Charlie's."

Bella grinned back, her mood significantly lighter. Mike was always easygoing, and he had managed to coax a smile out of her soon after they left the bedroom.

Although Bella had worried about being with Mike, her baser instincts took over. He filled a need that her body had desperately ached for. As she lay with him afterwards she knew she should have felt disgusted with herself; not for being with Mike, but for thinking of Edward. She tried to feel remorse for what she did, but instead felt detachment, like there was no morality tied to her actions.

She felt her resolve harden as she contemplated what she had done. Mike disappeared into the bathroom and as she stared after him, she firmly decided to not let it happen again. She took all her feelings for Edward and carefully blocked them off in the back of her mind. No more would she think of him in _that_ way.

She lay back down and busied her mind with the menial matter of what to make for dinner. When Mike returned he had made a comment about how she should go away more often, and she was very careful to not think of the real reason why she had been so... enthusiastic. Her success at that one little test gave her the confidence that she could do this.

"Well I've got some potatoes, and an onion," she scrounged around in the freezer, "and some frozen steaks. I can do something with that." She plonked them down on the counter before finding her chopping board and knife.

"God, I missed your cooking."

Bella gave him a soft smile before picking up a peeler. She couldn't deny Mike her smiles, even if she couldn't put everything behind them.

She was back in her element now—reclaiming her kitchen, and she let herself be swept into their familiar banter. Mike wasn't as happy as when he'd first walked in the door, so she knew he wasn't completely impervious to her mood, but she did her best to hide it from him. She was now going to make every effort to get her life back to the way it was before.

That started with cooking, but the house was sorely lacking in supplies.

"I'll have to go to the store tomorrow," she mumbled absently as she began peeling the potatoes.

It reminded her that there was still a world outside of their house. That brought her back to thoughts of why she had returned home when she did. She stopped mid-peel and looked up at Mike, suddenly wary of how tolerant his good mood would be.

"Mike, there's something I need to talk to you about." She eyed him carefully and noticed his brow wrinkle minutely.

"What about, Bells?" She couldn't tell if he was really concerned though as he lifted his beer and took a swig, blocking his expression.

"Remember how I was hanging around with," _it's just a name._ "... Edward Cullen while I was in the city?" she ventured, her own brow wrinkling as she fended off her emotions.

"Sure." He took another swig, too soon after the last one for it to not be intentional.

"Well, he scored the lead in an upcoming movie. There was a bit of a media frenzy starting just as I was leaving. Some of the press found out that I had... dinner with him. Now there is a bit of speculation that we were some sort of...an item." She fought the temptation to glance up and see Mike's reaction.

"There may be some things written about me because of this." She cringed slightly at the thought, then used it to cover up the half-lie she had to say, "I just don't want you to believe any of the things they may say about me." She stared up into Mike's eyes, trying to look innocent.

Mike looked contemplative for a moment, and then the sadness returned.

"I wouldn't believe anything bad that they wrote about you," he said. He circled around behind her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, kissing the back of her hair. "You could never do anything wrong," he whispered.

She exhaled quietly, both relieved and dismayed by Mike's faith in her. In that moment she realized she was probably the only woman in the world that had a perfect husband she didn't love enough.

* * *

**A/N: For the record, fade-to-black is totally acceptable when dealing with a Mike/Bella lemon, or so I've been told ;)**

**Next chapter will be loaded as soon as possible.**

**Thoughts? You know I love them :)**


	10. The Meadow

**A/N: Big thanks again to everyone who reviewed. I know these chapters aren't the most inspiring, but they are the most difficult to write, so I appreciate the feedback even more than usual. Also thanks to Furious Kitten and Brianna, who've now had to take on the added role of schooling me in tense in addition to their normal beta-ing duties. And as always, thanks to Roo for approving my dribble :)**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

* * *

November passed in a haze of pleasantries. Everyone Bella ran into wanted to congratulate her on the latest book. Some of the younger women looked at her askance and Bella suspected they had been reading the tabloids. Bella smiled at them nicely, and if Mike was with her she would draw him close, at least giving the impression she was interested only in him.

Thanksgiving was difficult. It was physically painful to be in the room with that many happy people. Mrs. Stanley made her nauseous with her holiday cheer, and Charlie was unnerving with the concerned glances he kept throwing her way. She did her best to play the happy wife and avoided being alone in the same room with her dad.

By the time December rolled around, she decided to officially start writing again. This was partly to keep herself occupied while she stayed indoors to avoid the town, but also because Victoria's interview was due to come out that month. Bella needed to make good on her comments about a new book.

She hadn't been able to write anything of substance since returning to Forks, but she blamed that on her nerves. Instead of writing, she spent her days pottering around the house, conjuring up ways that the interview would ruin her life. Charlie would be shattered, and everyone in town would scorn her. The published word would be the only proof they needed of infidelity, and no one in Forks could ever stomach such a betrayal of Mike.

The magazine came out towards the end of December. It was a day Bella had been dreading.

Everyone she knew had pre-ordered their copy, even Charlie. Bella hadn't felt she could discourage them without drawing attention to her motivation. While she'd explained to Mike part of what had happened with Edward, she had no desire to go through that with everyone else.

Mike had been optimistic about how the interview would be received, and while he had acknowledged there would probably be some scandal, he'd been certain no one would believe it; almost as certain as Bella had been that they would.

In the end she had very little to worry about.

Mike came home with his shining new copy and a matching smile on his face. "Everything she says is great. You're great," he added with a kiss to her cheek.

"But what about Edward? Doesn't she say anything?" Bella asked, confused and scared to get her hopes up.

"She mentions him, sure, but nothing too bad." He handed Bella the magazine and she sat down at the table, frantically flipping through the pages.

She almost skipped straight past her interview. The pictures were of her, but they weren't. Obviously photoshopped, she was flawless in each of them and she indulged herself in a rare moment of vanity as she gazed at the woman staring back at her. It was the first time in her life she could recall feeling truly beautiful.

She tore her eyes away from the glossy photos and concentrated instead on the text. Skimming over the length she could see several quotes that were in larger print. The title was the largest and was scrawled across the main picture:

_Making Romance Beautiful._

Underneath that was the introduction:

"_How is it that a small-town tutor can take the publishing world by storm and reignite a flame for a genre swept under the carpet a long time ago? Bella Swan has managed to top the New York Times Bestsellers List with all four novels from the Stanford Series. The last instalment was released late October to critical acclaim, no mean feat for a romance novel. "_

Victoria had a way with words. She managed to relate the interview in a style that made it seem like prose. Almost everything Bella mentioned was woven in somewhere, alongside intricate descriptions of her appearance and body language.

"_You can tell she is tired, but she admits to being a night-writer. She chews absently on her bottom lip whilst pondering a question about her best friend, the well known designer, Alice Whitlock. It happens again later when we discuss her husband. Bella is an intensely private person and the references to her personal life are quickly rebuffed." _

Bella ran her tongue along her bottom lip and felt the uneven surface. She'd never noticed she chewed it when she was tense. Victoria was very observant.

As Bella had hoped, the news of her writing a new book appeared to have been given more of the focus than any mention of Edward.

"_She casually mentions that she is writing again, though not another Stanford Book, and appears almost blasé about the matter. This small tidbit of information will be sure to have her publishers pre-ordering their new cars and remodelling their kitchens. Not to mention the reaction her fans will have at the news. And yet, Bella appears unaffected by the matter."_

The tone of the piece was starting to worry Bella in other ways. It wasn't that Victoria was tearing her apart—it was more there was nothing there to tear apart. Angela had been right, she was...bland. She started searching through the article, looking for anything that made her out to be more than just a domesticated author.

It was then she found the mention of Edward, and it made her insides ache.

"_Although Bella is currently promoting her latest book, there has been more media attention given to her relationship with one Edward Cullen."_

"_They are just friends," Angela Weber, Bella's representative, commented. This was confirmed by Swan as she sat across from me, although she did blush profusely at the suggestion. _

Bella drew a deep breath as she read through the paragraph but there was nothing to be too worried about. She was sure some of the Forks residents would be interested in finding out more about Edward, but for the most part, she had received an unexpected reprieve. Besides the book signing and the dinner, nothing else was mentioned.

"_Although it is unlikely they are romantically involved, it is possible the actor has inspired the newest onslaught of Bella Swan penmanship—their friendship coinciding with the start of her new book."_

Bella grimaced as she read that line. She figured Victoria had picked up on that, but now it was public knowledge. She'd have to make significant changes to her characters now.

She read through the rest of the article, then reread it, looking for an understanding as to why Victoria had let her off so easily. Why would she be so insistent in the interview and then not use any of the material? It didn't make any sense.

Bella glanced up at Mike who had been half watching her read. She tried to look delighted in the article, but she was struggling to feel that way.

"I told you it was good," Mike said happily, "nothing to be worried about."

"You're right." She smiled. "There's nothing to worry about," she added, trying her hardest to look relieved.

She looked back at the pages lying open on her lap and worried.

* * *

Bella was teetering just under the speed limit as she drove up her street. Today she was heading to Port Angeles to scout sporting fields. Or so she said.

It had become her latest cover. In the mornings, she would get up with Mike. They would eat breakfast at their little round table and read the paper. Mike would always take the sports section and Bella would stare at the cartoons. She never touched entertainment.

After Mike had read enough he would start to make small talk about their day ahead. He would tell Bella what he expected to happen at the store. Then he would ask what her plans were.

And Bella would lie.

This morning she had told Mike how she intended to visit Port Angeles. She told him there was a significant scene played out on a football field in her story, and she needed to make sure her descriptions were accurate. It was total rubbish.

Every day she came up with a new task that had to be completed for her 'book', and every day, Mike enthusiastically questioned her about what it was. This morning's had been bit of a treat for Mike, to make up for fobbing him off last night. Bella had felt guilty about it afterward and so to make amends, she had decided she should give him some reference to sports. She thought he would be delighted if there was any chance of football being in her story. And it had worked; he beamed at her with pride, and she pretended that it made up for her being such a lousy wife.

Of course, Bella never needed to research anything. Shortly after the article came out she had tried to pick back up on her story, but instead of hammering out page after page of romance and angst, she'd discovered she had a rare case of insurmountable writer's block. Before, whenever Bella had an idea, writing always came easily to her. So she was a little stunned to not be able to sit down and just...write.

Instead of panicking, she had focused on the holidays. She'd filled her days with Christmas and New Year preparations, convincing herself she'd be able to write after the stress of the season had passed. They celebrated Christmas Day at the Crowley's, and everyone commented on how Bella's gifts to them were so beautifully wrapped.

New Year's Eve was spent at Bella and Mike's home and she did all the catering herself. There was way too much food, and many of their guests left with containers of delicious hors d'oeuvres. At the stroke of midnight, Bella had quickly made a wish to be able to write again before giving Mike the traditional kiss. The next day she'd found that wishes are worthless as she discovered she still couldn't write.

For the remainder of January, Bella had struggled with this realization—trying to write a sentence then deleting it because it wasn't right. She hadn't brought it up with Mike; he had been in a better mood lately, so she didn't want to bother him with her troubles. Plus, she was certain the problem would be short-lived. But as February had crept closer, she'd started to panic. What if she just couldn't write anymore?

Bella had attempted many things to prompt her creativity. She'd tried to write at different times of the day—first mornings, then nights. Her music collection expanded as she'd searched for inspiration in lyrics and guitar riffs. When that hadn't worked, she thought reading other novels might inspire her so she turned to Amazon. She had stayed up late into the night, devouring whole books in one sitting, crawling into bed in the wee hours of the morning to try and get some rest. It was a good thing she never had to worry about waking Mike up—he slept like the dead.

But despite everything Bella had tried, the words still wouldn't flow.

She had become so preoccupied with her lack of writing that she'd almost missed Valentine's Day. Fortunately, she'd slept late, so Mike wasn't aware of her faux pas. If it weren't for the dozen red roses that he'd had delivered while he was at work, it would have completely slipped her mind. Thankful for the warning, she'd prepared Mike's favorite meal—lasagna—realising it had been months since they'd had it last. She had greeted him at the door with a cold beer and couldn't help but feel a little pleased with herself that he didn't suspect a thing. It was a small triumph for her in a time filled with failure.

By March, Bella had felt like she would never write again, and she was miserable. It wasn't like she was crying all the time, quite the opposite—she hadn't cried since the first day she returned from her tour. But she was glum. For the last four years, her life and her self-esteem all stemmed from writing. She was an author, or at least had been. Now she was starting to question even that about herself.

She still hadn't been able to bring herself to confide in Mike. It had been so long since her problems had started, Bella knew that telling him would have exposed a distance in their relationship that had never existed before. It wasn't like her to keep things from him, but then again, she had never before had something she didn't want him to know. In all honesty, she wasn't even sure why she couldn't say anything. She didn't want to upset Mike, so she guessed that could have been it. Another part of her though, a much smaller and more irrational part, was truly scared that acknowledging she could no longer write would somehow have made it permanent.

For the next couple of months, Bella had tried to hide her troubles, but despite her best efforts, Mike had picked up on her mood. She'd noticed his worried glances and the way he couldn't relax around her like he used to. The good mood he'd been in at the start of the year was gone—replaced by something much darker. She'd assumed he was somehow picking up her melancholy. It had never been her intention to visit her problems on Mike, but it seemed she had done just that and spread her depression to him like a disease. The guilt she'd felt for dragging him down with her had made her want to confess everything. And against her better judgement, she'd decided to do just that.

It was in early May. Bella had picked a Thursday morning, knowing it was a busier day at the store so Mike wouldn't have much time to dwell on what she was going to say. They ate breakfast as usual, and Bella had patiently waited until he had finished. Before she could begin though, Mike had put down the sports section and cleared his throat.

"Bella, I know that the book is getting you down. I know you work better when you immerse yourself, but... just don't let it get you down too much." He had glanced down at the paper, not used to this role in their relationship. "You know I'm here if you ever need me," he'd added. "Or I can even spend more time out of the house, if that'll help? Whatever you need."

Bella had stared at him, trying to comprehend what he was saying. Then she'd realized Mike was assuming her lethargy was due to her writing. It was so far from the truth that she could have laughed out loud. Instead she'd stared at him, overwhelmed by his misconception, and then before she'd thought too hard about what she was going to say, she'd let the words tumble out of her mouth. "Thanks. I know you're here." She then followed with a straight-faced lie. "It's just really emotional. I guess I have been letting it get to me." Thinking Mike's suggestion could benefit both of them, she'd added, "Maybe a bit more time alone would be good—I've never liked putting you through this sort of thing." The words she had been planning on saying never left her lips. And Mike remained completely ignorant to the fact she hadn't been able to write—a thing.

Thus began the perfect cover. Bella had been struggling with behaving normally ever since she'd returned from her book tour. Now Mike's comments had given her a valid—though false—excuse. She could mope around and be snappy and no one would question her about it. Plus, Mike appeared to be less affected by her moods. He'd been spending the weekends with Tyler and Jess, and sometimes staying over there. It had given Bella more time to mope unselfconsciously, and Mike looked happier. She knew it wouldn't be a long-term solution, but for the time being, it worked. Bella had stopped worrying about coming clean regarding her writing problems, and instead threw herself into the role of the tortured author.

That was when she had decided to stop _trying_ to write, and instead started _pretending._

At first she'd been certain Mike would see through her. He had always been able to tell when she was lying; so much so that she'd stopped trying to deceive him a long time ago. But through all of this, he had never questioned her. Whether it was because he'd sensed she needed him to leave her alone or that he truly didn't realize, she wasn't sure.

Once Bella was sick of just hanging around the house, she'd started coming up with more lies, giving herself reasons to go for long drives alone. Mike ate it all up, and he was so pleased she was getting out of the house, she kept coming up with even more lies to tell.

Bella's truck lurched a little and she looked down to see she was low on gas. It wasn't far to the station, and she had enough to get herself there. One of the more negative side effects from her daily outings was that she had to fill up more often. She'd been putting it off for a couple of days now.

It was just another chore that she struggled to find the motivation for. Every little thing took so much more effort now. Grocery shopping—something she used to enjoy—was the worst. She could feel it looming as she watched their supply of food and toilet paper diminish. Then it would finally become too much and she would have to go to the store. She found herself buying a lot more of everything so she could delay her next trip. It hadn't helped with fresh food though, but then Bella had discovered frozen meals. They had been eating a lot of them lately.

She saw the gas station appear in the distance and psyched herself up to it. _It's just a tank of gas, s_he chanted to herself. As she pulled in she felt a little better that hers was the only car there. But her luck didn't last. Eric had seen her and was already headed out the door of the station.

"Hey, Bella," he yelled to her as she stepped out of her truck.

"Hey, Eric. How're things?" she asked politely. She closed the door of her truck a little louder than necessary and headed towards the pump.

"Let me get that for you." He beat her to it and started to fill her tank. It was nice but she really would have preferred to do it herself. Now she had to keep up the pretence of being interested in what he had to say.

"Mike said you're feeling a bit better now," he started, obviously unsure if this was something he was allowed to talk about. There were no secrets in Forks, but that didn't mean some topics weren't still taboo.

This was not what Bella had expected, so she didn't have to feign attention. "Yeah, I guess. I've been doing a bit more research lately, keeping busy." Bella had no idea what Mike had been saying to Eric. She was glad that her façade was working though and she at least _looked_ productive.

They were quiet for a few moments and Bella again cursed Eric for coming out to help. The silence was uncomfortable and she couldn't think of anything to say.

Eric self-consciously shuffled his feet as he hazarded another attempt at a conversation.

"I can't believe you're still driving this thing, Bella," he stated while giving her truck an affectionate slap. "You should have retired it years ago."

Bella frowned and bit back what she wanted to say. She'd had the same truck since she moved there and had no intention of upgrading any time soon. Over the years she had spent a lot of money fixing it up, and she couldn't imagine driving anything else now.

Instead of venting, she remained pleasant, "I like driving the same car I always have. Mechanically, she's perfect—what more could I want?"

Eric mistook her rhetorical question for an actual one. "How about something that can break the speed limit?" He grinned lopsidedly.

His attempt at humour was lost on her mood. "Because that would be really useful," she answered him sarcastically, raising her eyebrow at him while waiting for the 'Chief's daughter' penny to drop.

Eric grinned wider when it fell. "You may have me there." He winked as he hung up the pump.

Bella followed him in to pay. Once they were finished, she gave him a resigned smile to which he responded with a broad and friendly grin.

"I'm glad things are getting better, Bella,"

"Um... thanks, Eric. I'll see you around." She headed towards the door, wondering how many other people were aware of her current state of mind.

* * *

The sports field was completely uninspiring. Bella had been walking around it for about an hour now. At first she thought she'd see how long it would take her. Then she had just enjoyed the monotony of it and kept going. Any hope she had that the field would arouse her need to write was dashed as soon as she arrived. It was flat, and green, and big...nothing else.

She started exploring a little further away. The field was well maintained, but nestled in amongst the forest which surrounded it on three sides. The area between the field and the trees was quite bare, no doubt from cars being parked around it. Bella stopped inspecting the ground and instead looked up into the trees. The woods looked so inviting. They were dark and isolating, much more suited to her mood than the football field. She picked a spot and walked toward it, determined to find some solitude.

The temperature was cooler as she approached but she welcomed it. There was no path that she could see and she took her time to step carefully over the tree roots. She hadn't fallen over since she had made it home, but she wasn't willing to bet her hip on it.

She could feel it was working; her mood was lifting as she moved deeper into the trees. As she inhaled the moist air, the tightness in her chest started to ease. For a while she just stood there, breathing. But then she felt the need to keep going—a physical urge to head through the forest. She followed her urge.

The deeper she went, the calmer she became. She hadn't realized the level of anxiety she'd been living with. Now that it was dissipating, she wondered how she had been able to function at all. Her legs were still moving and her hands were keeping her steady by holding onto the trunks she passed.

She saw an opening and headed toward it. The trees were starting to thin out and she could now see the sun was shining into a clearing. Here the smells were even better and Bella took them in through her nose greedily. The forest was drawing her closer to something—she could feel it.

The clearing was still about ten feet away when Bella caught sight of them—_wildflowers_. They were sparsely scattered around the edge of the clearing. Bella stared at them for a moment and then took in what she was approaching more carefully.

It was the meadow.

She couldn't see it all yet but she knew. Those flowers were straight out of her dream—she had described them in detail in her writing. And the more she looked, the more she recognized. The color of the grass was the same. The way the grass grew longer towards the edge was the same. The thickly wooded forest surrounding it was the same.

As Bella edged forward slowly, she realized the only things missing were she and Edward. Now she was here. Was it possible...?

With that thought she ran the rest of the way. Leaving the cover of the trees, she flew into the centre of the clearing, turning wildly and looking in every direction for any trace of him. After one scan she knew he wasn't there, but that didn't stop her from searching. She spun three more times checking every edge of the clearing before all the anxiety and anguish that she had finally felt leave her came crashing back down. She fell in a heap on the soft grass and cried.

* * *

It was at least another hour before Bella could move. She had sat with her legs pulled up against her chest and wrapped her arms around them to cease her heaving sobs—it had hurt so much. She knew it was impossible for him to be here but that didn't stop her from believing he would be. She was such a fool.

For the briefest moment, when she thought he was there, she had been happier than she'd been in months. It was fleeting though, quickly replaced by far worse feelings: failure, loneliness, and grief. She had stayed long after the tears dried up, trying hard to comprehend how she could fix her life. The feelings she had kept bottled up were not helping. Today she had purged herself and she hoped it would give her some perspective back.

She didn't have Edward, but she did have Mike. He cared about her and never failed to treat her well. It was time for her to stop wallowing and to start appreciating what she did have.

Bella stood shakily and cast her eyes around the meadow once more. The sight of it still tugged at her heart, but she had cried enough for this day. She turned her back on the natural beauty and retraced her steps back through the forest, toward her old and reliable truck.

* * *

Bella decided to stop off at the grocery store on her way home. If she was going to be a better wife, she figured she needed to banish frozen dinners from the menu. She headed toward the fresh produce section and stared at it expectantly, trying to remember if they had any vegetables in the house. She honestly had no idea.

Deciding that if she was cooking again then surely she would use them at some point, she loaded the cart with vegetables for roasts and stews and then headed over and selected the meats. She didn't touch the grocery aisles and felt a little proud of herself as she headed towards the check out.

Of course Lauren was there. She had been surprisingly nice to Bella over the last few months. They had never gotten along at school and that trend had continued after. But recently, Lauren had been far less frosty. She wasn't being nice per se, but she wasn't being awful. Bella had been thankful for the amnesty, knowing it was one of the few things that had made her life easier since she returned to Forks.

Lauren smiled. "Hey, Bella. You're looking a little more alive today." Bella hid her surprise. It was actually a kind of compliment coming from Lauren Mallory.

"Thanks. You know, I feel better," she replied, carefully stacking her vegetables on the counter.

Lauren watched her with an amused expression. "I can tell." Bella looked up at her questioningly. Lauren merely smirked.

"You see, these," she gestured at the fresh carrots and yams, "tell me that you are in for some home-cooked comfort food. And comfort food is one helluva step from the defeatist diet you've been living on." She gathered the potatoes and placed them on the scales, absently punching in the price code. "Frozen food is not for the living," she added, throwing a playful grin sideways at Bella.

Bella knew she was staring, but there were so many things to take in. Lauren was being nice to her—smiling at her. And she knew about her mood, just from the groceries she was buying. Bella had always assumed Lauren was something of an airhead, and a bitter one at that. Lauren had a thing for Mike way back when, so that had been enough to keep Bella out of her good books. And then Lauren and Jessica had a falling out after school, which Bella suspected was at least partly due to her presence in Jessica's life. She'd attributed Lauren's abrasive nature to plain old jealousy.

But this was a different Lauren, and she was definitely no airhead. She was perceptive and even a little funny. _When did that happen?_

"I didn't think I was that obvious," Bella admitted, groaning internally.

"Well you can't really hide your shopping. If I thought you were one for gossip we could have some serious fun." She winked as she bagged up the last of the meat.

Bella handed over her card and tried very hard to rearrange her thoughts. There was no tension in the air, no sense of menace. Lauren's eyes were warm as she handed Bella's receipt over. It was almost like it was a different person she was dealing with now.

"Thanks, Lauren," she mumbled, unable to hide the confusion in her eyes.

"Don't mention it." Lauren tilted her head and gave an almost indistinguishable nod as a farewell. To Bella it was a signal of equality. She had been judged in Lauren Mallory's eyes and found worthy. Though of what she had no idea.

* * *

**A/N: Only one NM chapter to go. The next one is happier.**

* * *

To my dear Husband,

If you are secretly reading this, now would be a good time to tell me. You see, hiding this from you is quite difficult, and I would like to spend more time writing it than I have been.

If you are reading, then you can plainly see I did not take your advice on board. I can assure you that writing fanfiction had not made me any geekier or "lame". I am just as geeky as I've always been ;)

I don't want you to read too much into my plotline. I have no desire to be with Rob, nor Edward, and am completely unlike the rest of the fandom in this way. Really.

One other thing. If you have been reading this, why have you not reviewed? I'm hurt.

Forgive me?

We'll talk later.


	11. The Words That Broke the Writer's Block

**A/N: Finally, the last NM chapter!**

**Thanks to Brianna and Furious Kitten as always. These chapters have been back and forth between the three of us so much we're all kinda dizzy now. And mighty sick of tense. Lol. Thanks to Roo for triple-checking and validating me. And thanks to everyone who reads, alerts and especially those that leave me some love.**

**Special shout-out to the gals at WA Rehab (link on my profile). Gush. You're all the best.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight**

* * *

It was as if Bella had an epiphany that day at the meadow. When she returned home, she made a beef casserole and tidied up, and when Mike walked in through the door that evening, he was greeted with a warm and inviting house, in more ways than one. Bella smiled at him.

Mike smiled back.

And Bella felt awful as she realized he hadn't been doing that lately. Mike, who always smiled, hadn't been happy. She'd been so engrossed in her own melancholy that she hadn't noticed. Normally she was so perceptive and yet she'd completely missed her own husband's sadness.

Mike had been nothing but supportive for her all this time. He'd stopped making his normal stupid jokes around her and he hadn't hounded her to visit the Crowleys with him on the weekends. And he'd never asked her to cheer up—not once. She guessed he'd been helping her in the best way he knew how—by letting her gloom run its course. The realization that she'd neglected his worries strengthened her resolve to be a better partner for him.

She slept peacefully that night and awoke feeling refreshed, light and happy. Then she remembered she'd dreamt of Edward. The thought was comforting though, rather than evoking yet another bout of guilt. She didn't need to lie to Mike that morning, instead feeling a familiar restlessness in her fingertips and a genuinely strong urge to write. As soon as he was out the door she sat down at her computer and did just that.

Words poured from her mind, seemingly coming from some otherworldly channel. They flowed effortlessly and as the sun sank lower in the sky, she very reluctantly dragged herself away to make good on the promises she'd made to herself.

She was determined to be a good wife.

Once again, Mike returned home to a warm house filled with delicious odors and smiled. During dinner, he made a stupid joke. It made Bella laugh.

It was fortunate that Bella had Mike's happiness as a new purpose in life, because the next day, she wasn't able to write—again.

At first she was angry, mistakenly thinking that if only she hadn't stopped to cook dinner the night before, she would still have been writing. Eventually she accepted that whatever had plagued her ability to put words on screen hadn't really disappeared.

The weeks continued to pass, and though Bella tried hard to keep her sadness at bay, it was becoming more of a struggle.

A particularly bad day brought Bella back to the meadow. She felt so empty upon waking—it was almost as bad as the first days after she'd arrived home. It was a struggle to make the necessary small talk with Mike over breakfast, and when she kissed him goodbye as he left for work she knew he could feel the lack of passion. After he left, Bella curled up on the couch and allowed herself to wallow. She pulled back the walls she had built around her sadness and let the absolute misery seep in. And she hated herself for doing it—it had been difficult to construct those walls and it was going to be even harder to put them back.

The despair consumed her. She wasn't crying, but the anxiety pumped through her veins and crushed her soul. It needed to be let out. She climbed off the couch and grabbed her keys. There was only one place that could trigger the release she needed, and she needed it straight away.

She drove to Port Angeles and found the sports field. Then, like a magnet was drawing her, she headed into the forest, no doubt in her mind that it was the right direction. She felt the heaviness inside her increase, which was the opposite sensation to the last time she had been there. The feeling had her questioning if the meadow would help after all, or just increase the pressure.

The forest opened up once again to her meadow and she collapsed at the very edge. Her chest clenched in pain just before the first wracking sob left her body. The second was worse, not having drawn breath before it. She inhaled deeply, painfully, and then cried as her grief found its tempo. The anguish poured out of her.

It did give her the release she needed. The next day, she wrote about it.

It was then that Bella first suspected her ability to write was somehow linked with the meadow.

The next morning, Bella sat in front of her computer and stared at a blank screen. Thinking to test her new theory she again drove to Port Angeles and visited the meadow. This time she didn't cry—she felt oddly at peace there. And the next day, she wrote a reunion scene.

The day after that, Bella again sat in front of her computer with no inspiration. Instead of driving to the meadow though, she picked up a book and read. It was a further test of her theory—to see if she really couldn't write without visiting it. As she expected, the next day she couldn't.

Bella was excited to say the least. She drove out to the meadow every day for a week with her laptop, and every day she wrote—scene after scene of the most beautiful prose she ever penned. It was the perfect solution to everything; writing restored her sense of self, and she had it on tap a short hour's drive away. Everything was perfect.

That is, until Eric noticed.

She had taken to filling up the truck every second trip so it was her third visit to the gas station in just under a week. As she pulled in, Eric met her at the pump.

"Hi again, Bella," he greeted her coolly. "You're becoming my best customer nowadays." He started pumping the gas while she raised her head to the sky, enjoying the rare rays of sunshine that were beaming down.

"You're doing a lot of driving now." His tone was almost sarcastic. She lowered her face to look at him and met his skeptical eyes.

Bella had never hated living in a small town so much. Of course people would notice she was leaving town every day—after Mike was at work. And because people are desperate for drama they would assume the worst. Right then she could tell that Eric was trying to figure out who she was having an affair with.

"You know, I hear Tyler has been doing a lot of work out at Port Angeles lately," he added and glared at her as he said it. Bella gave herself a point as a part laugh, part scoff left her mouth.

"Oh come on, Eric—Tyler! You couldn't have that short a memory."

"Well, Bella, it's what people are saying. And you know people round here like to talk—especially about you. And everyone knows you and Tyler have a history." He didn't meet her eyes as he said this. Bella reeled as she realized it was because he believed it. On some level, Eric thought she was driving to Port Angeles every day to have an affair with Tyler. And if Eric of all people believed it, that meant most of Forks did too. She swore in frustration.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Eric. I drive to Port Angeles every day to do research for my writing. I was feeling down when I came back to Forks because of my writing. I have been in a better mood lately because of my writing. Are you satisfied?" She swore again under her breath.

Eric looked a little surprised by the outburst but he still didn't look convinced. He finished pumping the gas and then Bella followed him in to pay. The transaction was completely silent—she was too angry at him to apologize, and at any rate she felt he owed her first. As she turned to walk out of the station she heard him clear his throat and thought she was about to hear it.

"Bella." She stopped and turned to face him. "Mike's a nice guy. Everyone in this town loves him, and he worships you. Just...just don't screw him over." He looked completely serious.

Bella could have screamed. Instead she swore again.

"Fuck you, Eric." She yanked the door open and flew through it before trying to slam it behind her. Instead of complying, the brake on the door merely allowed a quiet thump.

Bella raced to her truck but instead of driving to her beloved meadow, she drove home, knowing she couldn't go there anymore. She couldn't let people think she was having an affair, and she didn't want the attendant at the Shell gas station to come to the same conclusions that Eric had.

Not being able to visit the meadow had the expected effect of halting the progress of Bella's novel. She didn't let it get her down, instead finding other things to do, things more becoming of a good wife. She put a lot of effort into the evening meal now, and her trips to the store for groceries were a blessed relief from the house. Lauren had become even more pleasant and Bella found herself looking forward to seeing her. As Lauren was being nice, Bella assumed she didn't buy into the whole affair rumor. Either that or the idea of Bella cheating on Mike was something Lauren welcomed. Whatever the reason, Bella was thankful to have someone to talk to that didn't whisper behind her back. She was even tossing around the idea of trying to be friends with her. Only ten short months ago that would have seemed impossible.

The summer holidays had started and a lot of families had left to go on vacation, so the grocery store car park was empty as Bella pulled in. Entering, she found Lauren sitting on the check out, sipping on a Coke and looking bored as she flipped through a magazine. She glanced up as Bella entered.

"Hey, Bella."

"Hi, Lauren." She gave her a genuine smile and Lauren returned it. Definitely bordering on friendship.

"How's everything going?" Lauren asked innocently.

"About as good as it can get in Forks," Bella replied caustically. Lauren laughed.

The market was small so Bella was able to flit around doing her shopping while still talking to Lauren. Lauren asked what she was planning for dinner. When Bella replied meatloaf, Lauren had given a little smirk. It must have been bordering on comfort food. The days Bella had spent at the meadow were all followed by delicious salads and trim meats—food that went with the warmer weather, even if it lacked the sunshine.

Lauren talked about how she was planning a trip to California and asked Bella some questions about what it was like. Bella had been there a few times while on book tours but hadn't really been a tourist. Lauren was only slightly annoyed by Bella's lack of knowledge about the movie sets and talent scouts.

Bella finished her shopping and as she approached the check out, Lauren swung her legs over the counter and hopped back next to the register. She carelessly tossed the magazine she had been reading down, still open at the page she had been looking at, then prepared to start scanning the items from Bella's cart. They weren't there though, as Bella hadn't moved. Her eyes were glued to the open magazine, hungrily devouring the image of the beautiful man on its pages.

"Bella?"

Bella could hear Lauren, but she couldn't look away. He was better than she remembered. More beautiful. More perfect.

"Bella?"

Her chest started doing that straining thing it always did when she was near him—trying to keep the butterflies in. But this time it was laced with pain. She took a sharp intake of breath and tried desperately to hold it together.

"It's true!" Lauren's voice finally penetrated Bella's thoughts and she panicked as she turned to Lauren, ready to plead if need be.

"Lauren, no, it's not like that." She was scared now. In one stupid minute she had ruined everything. Lauren was vindictive, and she would make Bella suffer for this. Because everyone loved Mike, especially Lauren.

"Oh, Bella, calm down!" she was laughing. Bella couldn't believe she was laughing. "I'm not an idiot—I knew there was someone. I'm not stupid enough to think it was Tyler though." She rolled her eyes at how unlikely that was. If Bella was in any other state of mind she would have joined her. Because it really was stupid. It didn't escape Lauren's notice that Bella still hadn't relaxed.

"Bella, I'm not judging you." Bella still couldn't move. Lauren was being supportive of the thought that Bella was having an affair—encouraging self-destructive behavior. She really was the worst kind of vindictive.

Bella was scared now. She was terrified by her total lack of control upon seeing Edward's picture, and frightened that she had so misinterpreted Lauren's actions. She was stupid for thinking they could ever be friends. If Lauren was telling her it was okay to have an affair, then she must want her marriage to end. Lauren must still want Mike.

Bella's expression had softened with the defeat these thoughts brought. The familiar dread was creeping back in and she knew that the rest of this day she would wallow. Staring back at the open magazine, she drank in the sight of his face before tearing her eyes away to plead with Lauren.

"Please, don't say a word." She dropped her eyes. It was the worst kind of predicament—Lauren had all the power now.

"I won't say a thing." Bella glanced back up to make sure she had heard correctly. Lauren was staring back at her with a look of total conviction. It was too good to be true though. Bella knew how Lauren rolled.

She silently loaded her groceries onto the check out and watched Lauren scan and bag them. When she was finished, Bella handed over some cash. Lauren counted out the change and handed it back and before Bella could turn away, Lauren reached over and placed her hand gently on Bella's arm.

"You can trust me." It was like Lauren was now pleading with her.

Bella's face screwed up with the anguish she now felt and she hurried out of the store without giving an answer. She was so screwed. And now she couldn't go to the grocery store either.

* * *

The day after Lauren had guessed about Edward, Bella needed to write. As she churned out page after page of bitter heartache, she realized this progression meant her theory needed some adjustment. She now knew she could write the day after being in the meadow, and the day after seeing Edward's face in the pages of a magazine.

The more Bella thought about it, the more she suspected her writing had always been tied to Edward. The dream that started it all happened the day after she met him, and the day after she last saw him was the last time she was able to write for months. Until the meadow, she corrected, and until the magazine.

Now Bella sat in front of a search engine and could not fight the feeling of misguided obsession as she typed:

E-d-w-a-r-d_C-u-l-l-e-n

Enter.

A veritable plethora of links assaulted her.

This can't be right... Bella was taken aback for a moment while she checked her typing. It was right. She clicked on images and was confronted with picture after picture of Edward. There were over a million according to the count. How could this be?

The pictures became stranger the further she delved. There were artistic representations of him, wedding montages, semi-naked shots that weren't quite right so she was sure they were Photoshopped. There were just so many.

She returned to the webpage search and perused the first few entries. There were no less than fifteen websites dedicated to him. Most were some version of his name with either .com or .net suffixed. There were others too. One in particular that Bella found disturbing. It seemed to be a site that was committed to uncovering details of Edward's sex life. Bella didn't click through.

She went back to the first few entries and found one that appeared to be a dedicated fan site. Cringing at how juvenile she felt, she entered.

In many ways, it was similar to her own fan site. There was a biography section, news, a forum, and a database of images. Being unofficial, it lacked the press releases and blog that her own site included. It did appear to be well maintained though. Bella searched through the pages and learned much more about Edward than she possibly could have in the short time she had known him. It started to feel a bit creepy then, so she stopped and instead looked through the news section.

The site had images from some movie premiere that Edward had attended recently. He looked so handsome—and happy. He was wearing a tux and by his side was a pretty brunette. Bella got a lump in her throat at the sight of his arm wrapped around her waist. Stupid! She had gone over this in her head already and knew there was every possibility that he was now in a relationship with someone else. Bella was never his girlfriend, and it had been over ten months since she'd even seen him. She had no right to be jealous of that pretty brunette.

Bella read through the accompanying text and felt awful as she realized the premiere was for Edward's new movie—his leading role. She hadn't even known it had finished filming. Again she was reminded of just how long it had been since that fateful night when he had sheepishly admitted to finally having landed a part.

Then Bella discovered the little brunette was actually his co-star. She grinned. From ear to ear.

The guilt at having missed Edward's up and coming success assuaged Bella's feelings of creepiness as she delved further into his life. The most obvious change was that Edward was no longer unknown. Now he was absurdly popular. There were pictures from public appearances where he was literally a tiny speck in a sea of young women. This amused Bella to no end as she remembered him doubting anyone would like him.

The second most obvious thing to Bella was that he didn't officially have a girlfriend. She had been dreading it, and wondering how she would react. Of course she saw him with different females: a leggy strawberry blond, the little brunette co-star, but as she scanned the pages it became abundantly clear that although Edward had been romantically linked to most of the current 'it' girls, he was most definitely single. And she was relieved.

She bookmarked the webpage and closed down her browser, feeling somewhat satiated by the whole experience. Now she could only hope that it would transform into dreams for her and that tomorrow she could write again.

* * *

**A/N: So, the next chapter is being extracted painfully from my brain. I've made more progress in the last few days than in the previous three weeks though. Hopefully that's saying something :)**

**I know I told a few people that some Alice resolution would be coming up in this chapter. As you can see it didn't. Next chapter though. Promise.**

**A bit more stuff... Have you everwanted to kill off one of SMeyer's characters? Well here's your chance. ****Rehab is hosting a murder/mystery contest *SQUEE!***

**Check out the rules and guidelines here: http://www[dot]fanfiction[dot]net/u/2091631/**

**And Alitriona did an awesome video for it which you can view here: http://www[dot]youtube[dot]com/watch?v=N1woSan2cJs**

**There are some cool prizes on offer and you'll personally be doing me a favor if you enter. I love a good murder/mystery :)**


	12. Release Me

**A/N: Sorry about the long wait. Lots in this chapter: some Alice, some Edward, and we finally meet Emmett and Rosalie :)**

**Big thanks to Furious Kitten and Brianna. They are beyond wonderful and the best betas a girl could ask for. They make this story so much better. Also, thanks to Roo for being a great validator, and to everyone who reads, alerts, reviews... You all rock.**

**And to the gals at rehab, thanks for all the help, recs, reads, reviews, and gigglesnorts ;)**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. Apparently I do have some rights to this plot though.**

* * *

Bella's life had turned into some sort of Edward Cullen obsession. Every day she still joined Mike for breakfast and they would talk about what their plans were. Once he had left and was safely out of the street, she would turn on her desktop and try very hard to feel like she was researching, rather than just trawling for a fix of her particular brand of heroin.

She was spending hours staring at Edward's beautiful face, fixated on his jaw line, mesmerized by his eyes. Her favorite images were secretly stashed away with her old writing in folders labelled things like "dull outtakes." There was very little chance Mike would ever look there.

Lately, Bella had started to prefer gif files. They made him look more real and she relished remembering his mannerisms. She especially liked the ones of him running his hands through his hair; those reminded her most of his self-conscious ways. She viewed him again and again raking his fingers through those bronze locks, and she wished she could do the same.

The pictures of him with other women no longer upset her. In truth, she'd grown to understand she had no right being upset over what he did in his own time. So now, whenever she saw those, she focused on him instead. How did he look? What was he doing? Was he wearing that worn out shirt again? She felt like she could read him so well, just from his image alone.

It wasn't all about how he looked though. Sometimes she let her imagination run wild, making up stories about what his day had been like and how his life was going, scenarios to go with the scenes.

And then sometimes, she imagined she was the glamorous woman on his arm, facing the paparazzi with a dazzling smile. They would attend fabulous parties and then afterward, retire to their home where she could finally touch him the way she wanted to. These fantasies always ended the same way though. The implausibility would occur to her and halt the dreams before they became too vivid.

They could never be together.

And Bella could never live in the city.

Still, as forbidden and unattainable as he was, that never stopped her from looking at him.

Despite spending her mornings fixated on Edward, Bella was still progressing with her writing. She would close down her browser before lunch and open up her story to begin writing. Words flowed freely from her fingertips as she pinpointed exactly what made Edward so alluring, so intriguing. It was a pleasure to write about him.

In the evenings she was in high spirits, having always accomplished her goal for the day. She would cook beautiful meals, something different each night. Mike would walk in the door and smile like he used to, before coming and wrapping his arms around her. He was happy. She was happy. Life was good.

Life was so good, she was shocked when the bad feelings started to come back.

All of a sudden, her plot started to take a different turn. It was becoming darker, and where before she may have written minor obstacles for her characters to overcome, they were now facing mountains. She tried to change to something lighter, something more similar to her usual fare. Only ominous and grim thoughts would flow though, so she was forced to continue enduring the torture.

Before long, the melancholy started to seep back into her life, too. Bella had always been one to immerse herself in her writing, experiencing all the emotions her characters went through. Now, instead of her evenings being blissful and worry free, they were fraught with anxiety. Mike would still smile when he came home, but she could see he was forcing it. She was certain he was just as concerned as she was of her falling back into her wallowing hole.

It took Bella a few days to realize the cause of her black writing and low mood. It was Edward.

She had noticed the photos of him lately were mostly paparazzi shots, taken at a distance and a complete invasion of his privacy. She tried not to look at them, but they were posted on every site she visited. There were also the other photos, the ones of him trying to go places, but unable to push through the crowds of photographers or screaming fans. When Bella had first started looking at Edward, he always looked unfazed, even surprised by all the attention. But the photos she had been seeing lately... he looked pained, harassed, and under-slept. He looked unhappy.

It physically hurt Bella to see him like this. The worst part was that no one else seemed to notice. People were even complaining about him not smiling for the cameras.

And then there were the rumours.

They were getting nasty about his personal life, questioning his character. At first, Bella had been at a loss as to why Edward's fans would turn on him like that, but then she realized they weren't Edward's fans. They were Victoria's.

Bella did some searching and found that Edward had an interview with Victoria in early August. Apparently he stormed out halfway through—something that no one does to her. Bella assumed Victoria was now making an example of him, ensuring every celebrity played by her rules. She admonished him on her website, claiming he was rude and aggressive to her. Bella strongly suspected that wasn't the case, thinking it was more likely Victoria had been that way to Edward. It was the only reason Bella could think of as to why Edward would walk out on an interview.

After all, Victoria had managed to goad her; of course she was capable of doing that to Edward.

News of Victoria's interview was everywhere well before the magazine was released. Although the press damned him, his true fans were loyal. But once the article came out, things started to get worse. Victoria painted Edward as a whining diva, pretentious and uncooperative. Normally, when something that damaging came out publicly, a PR rep would come up with something positive to combat it. But there was nothing positive coming out from Edward's camp. After a couple of weeks, that was starting to take its toll.

People were starting to dislike him—vehemently.

He wasn't signing autographs. He wasn't posing for pictures with his fans. It was almost like he wasn't leaving his apartment. Bella found forum threads screaming, "WHERE IS EDWARD?" She had her suspicions of where he was; she was quite sure he was committing celebrity suicide.

The few high quality shots that were coming out were starting to worry Bella in other ways. She could see his innocence fading from the constant exposure to the paparazzi camera flashes. His smiles rarely seemed genuine anymore—always forced.

He looked...wary.

And Bella was scared for him.

* * *

Bella stared at her phone.

She'd been avoiding Alice ever since she'd come home. It had been easy to convince herself she was angry at Alice, that her betrayal of Mike was Alice's fault. But deep-down, Bella knew she couldn't really blame her. She was the one who was weak.

She'd been content to just let everything lie—avoid the mess—the same way she had dealt with most things lately. And that had worked well. Alice was too wrapped up in her own life to hassle Bella once she was back in Forks. A single phone call had been the only contact—the voice mail that Bella now had on her cell-phone screen.

Up until recently, Bella had no interest in listening to it. But now she was worried about Edward—she _had _to know if he was okay. And she was willing to sort out her problems with Alice if it meant she could find out.

Tentatively, she started the message. Alice's voice, sounding more tired than normal, filled her ear.

"_Hi, it's me. I know Edward told you what I said. And I know you're mad at me, but... I was just trying to do the right thing. I'm sorry. And I probably should've told you myself, but we both know you would have thrown me out as soon as you heard it. _

"_Edward feels horrible and I think you should call him. I think... he misses you. Okay, well, call me. Please."_

Bella listened to the message again. She was familiar enough with Alice's voice to know she was genuinely troubled by what had happened. Bella felt a surge of remorse that she had left contacting her until now. The message was from December.

It was time to sort things out between them. She returned the call.

The phone beeps told her that she was connected, but Alice didn't answer straight away which left Bella feeling nervous. Finally, they stopped and she heard Alice's voice trill through.

"Bella?" She sounded happy.

Bella tried to match it as she replied, "Hi, Alice."

"You finally called. Does this mean you'll be paying another visit to the big smoke soon?"

"Oh God no!" Bella rushed to clarify. "I just wanted to... see how things are?"

"You're still mad?" Alice asked, cutting straight to the point.

Bella briefly considered lying and saying everything was fine, but then opted for honesty. "Mad, no. Annoyed, yeah, I still am. But I don't blame you."

"Well, for what it's worth, I feel terrible. Edward was messed up for weeks about how he was too forward, worried about how he'd upset you. For the record, I've sworn off interfering now. I'm never doing anything like that again. I won't even try to tell you what to wear from now on."

Bella let out a light laugh at that. As much as she wanted to believe it, she doubted Alice could ever restrain herself. It was one of the things she'd always enjoyed about her.

"Are we okay?" Alice asked.

"We're okay."

"Good. So, what do you want to know? I'm doing fabulously, as usual. Jasper is still bringing the corporate world to its knees. But I suspect that's not really what you called about, is it?"

Bella sighed audibly. "How is he?"

"You know, you could always ask him yourself," she said hopefully.

"Alice!"

"Sorry—I'm trying. He's okay. He's not great though. You heard about Victoria?"

"I did."

"She really did a number on him, dredging up all that stuff between the two of you. He said he had to walk out on her, either that or hit her."

Bella's stomach sank as she listened. Her stupidity was the cause of his problems. Everything she did with him, how she handled herself in the interview... he would be fine if it wasn't for her.

"Bella?"

"Sorry, what were you saying?"

"I was telling you not to worry. He really is doing okay—he can handle this."

"But it's my fault."

"Well, if it's your fault then it's also my fault. So let's not go there, okay? He's coping. He still has work and... he just spends a little more time indoors these days. That's all."

Edward had never really struck Bella as the tough type, but she had seen a lot of what he'd had to put up with over the last couple of months. It was plausible that it had caused him to harden up.

"Do you and Jasper still see him?" she asked, hoping that he did at least have some contact with his friends.

"Whenever we can. He's even come out to stay with us a couple of weekends. Believe me, Bella, I'd tell you if I thought there was anything really wrong."

"I just can't imagine him dealing with all of this very well," Bella said, voicing her real concern.

"Ah, well, he's different now, not nearly as sweet as he used to be. He's a little more direct these days, a little harsher, definitely more broody, but underneath... it's the same Edward."

Bella sighed. Alice would tell her if he was really struggling, so he must be managing. But she couldn't help her disappointment that the fallout from Victoria was changing him.

"I hope he doesn't ever lose who he is. Keep him grounded?"

"We are." Alice paused before adding in a much lighter tone, "I'm sure he wouldn't mind a phone call though."

"Alice," Bella groaned.

"Oh come on, you know I was kidding with that one." She giggled.

"I should hang up on you for that," Bella joked back.

"Well, not that I want you to, but I should go. I am supposed to be working. Call me sometime, okay."

"I will. Thanks... for letting me know how he is."

"You really should call him," Alice added cheekily.

"Bye, Alice."

"Love you."

Bella hung up the phone, relieved and dismayed by what she'd heard. He was coping, but he was changing. It was probably inevitable—the reality of what his life was like now. But she still felt sad for him, that he was losing his innocence.

Bella had another problem now though. Alice's words had opened her mind to the possibility of contacting Edward. The part of her heart that was sealed off from the rest was aching for her to do it.

But after everything that had happened, how could she ever excuse letting herself back in?

* * *

For the following few weeks, Bella continued to struggle with her characters. Her goal was in sight, but they continued to come up against unnecessary conflict. Her word count was out of hand and she needed to rein it in.

On the days when Edward looked happy she could feel the ends tying together, the happily ever after for her couple coming to fruition. But all it took was for one shot of Edward looking miserable for new hurdles to be thrown up. As soon as she hit one of these blocks she became hypercritical of the entire story and would begin to lose her nerve. What she was writing was so outside of her comfort zone that even the smallest kink was setting her progress back by days.

The obvious solution, assuming Edward's images were the cause of her struggle, was to stop looking at him. After all, if she were truly a capable author, she shouldn't need constant prompting, right?

The thought of giving him up and not starting her day with him didn't sit well with her though. It made her anxious. There was a comfort in seeing him every day, a sensation that made her feel whole.

But what made her even more anxious was that it had been almost a year since she'd begun the story, and it still wasn't complete.

So it was then, in early November, that Bella began to clear her computer of all things Edward Cullen, barring her Word document. As she deleted files and bookmarks she felt tense, but the overwhelming despair she was expecting didn't come. That she was handling removing Edward from her life made her feel more confident, and after the purge was complete, she began to write.

She finished within a week of that day.

* * *

Because of Victoria's interview, Bella had needed to change Edward's character and turn him into someone different. She'd begun with physical attributes; where Edward was slim, her character became broad, as Edward was bronze-haired, her character was dark. She went down the list, checking that there were no physical or personable similarities left. In the end she was left with a famous football player. He was strong on the field, but struggled with far more powerful forces in his personal life trying to deal with being a celebrity. It'd brought a smile to Bella's face to think she could keep her promise to Mike about having sport as a backdrop to her story.

Her own character had taken on other characteristics long ago. It had hurt too much to write about Edward falling for her. Instead 'she' was now a blonde, blue-eyed beauty with a penchant for fast cars. Her character was anything but bland. She embodied strength and seduction, qualities Bella often wished she had more of.

When it came time to name them she had struggled. 'Edward' was perfect and there was nothing she was able to find that could replace it. She began searching old-fashioned names, hoping to come up with something there. It was then she found Emmett and it felt right. They both started with 'E', and while she had trouble imagining Edward as a football player, she could definitely see an 'Emmett' playing that role.

Her own name was less difficult. She looked for something that made her think of 'beautiful' – the meaning of her own name. She considered Rose briefly, but then found a variation–Rosalie. It was perfect.

As December progressed, Bella couldn't help but marvel at her turnaround from the previous year. She was no longer detached or panicking about her worth as a writer. Now she spent every day editing, confident that she had created something wonderful, and more than a little proud that in the end she had managed to do it on her own.

While occasionally she missed seeing Edward's face, she no longer felt compelled to search for him. Every now and then she would catch glimpses on TV or in Mike's newspaper, and notice that Edward no longer looked as harassed. The crowds and cameras were still there, but Bella had spent long enough reading his body language to know that he really was handling it. She'd always smile guiltily to herself after these thoughts, embarrassed by the amount of time she'd spent in front of her computer gaining that knowledge.

Mike was always in a great mood around the holidays, and this year Bella was able to join him. They spent their evenings surrounded by the decorations that Bella had overindulged in the previous year in an effort to occupy herself. They cuddled on the couch and watched old movies from their adolescent years, sometimes reminiscing about their time at school and college. It was a stress-free time for them both.

After the holidays the optimistic mood remained in the house, and Bella flew through her rewrites. Her publishers were excited about her new story and had hinted at a sizable advance. When she'd told Mike he'd had to sit down while it sank in, but he was soon up and pacing around, dreaming up ways to improve their modest home, and even suggesting Bella upgrade to a new car. It wasn't the first time he'd tried to convince her that it was time to part ways with her truck. But, as she told him every other time, she liked the familiarity of it and it wasn't going anywhere.

January was spent grappling with structural edits. There were hardly any compared to her first effort at writing a novel, and she felt proud of her progress as a writer. She breezed through the changes, effortlessly expanding and narrowing, adding depth and character where needed, removing it where it was not. There was hardly any of the anxiety she'd usually suffer over the most minor adjustments. Instead the changes felt organic, a natural progression of the story. The final product was polished and perfect.

And by mid-February, only one thing stood between her and a new published book.

* * *

Bella sat in her office, running her fingers lovingly along the front page, tracing each of the letters in the title: J...U...G...G....

It was so different to the Stanford series—better in many respects. She was nervous about publishing, but deep down she knew she didn't have to be. It was her best work to date.

Besides, she already knew her nerves weren't coming from that.

Her decision to publish had an unexpected consequence. She needed to contact Edward for a release. It was a legal formality, a necessary precaution. Bella had argued that it wasn't needed, that she had changed the character enough that there was nothing even left of Edward. But the publishers were firm she needed the release in order to go to print.

Bella picked up her cell phone and scrolled through to the number she hadn't called for well over a year.

_It's probably changed anyway._

With that thought she pressed send, waiting for a message that she had dialled the wrong number.

The phone rang several times. It was on its fourth ring when it answered and startled her.

"Hello," said the voice she sometimes dreamed about. Her nerves pricked up straight away, but she calmed herself down. _You can do this._

"Hi," she answered, then uncertain he would even remember her voice she added, "it's me—Bella."

He exhaled loudly. "It's really you?"

Bella's carefully constructed walls crumbled. Her heart thudded painfully and she forgot to breathe. _You can do this._

"Bella?" he asked.

"It's me," she said, finding her voice. "I didn't think you would answer."

"Of course I would." There was a long pause and Bella suspected he was finding his voice now.

She decided to push forward and ask what she needed of him, before she lost her nerve. "Edward, I finished my book."

"That's great," he said, his voice tinged with an almost sardonic edge. She wasn't sure if he was being bitter or if that was just his normal tone these days.

"Thanks." She paused briefly. "It's a little different than what I was writing before." Again, she stopped, and took a deep breath before ploughing ahead. "They won't publish unless I can get a release from you. I swear, I've changed everything, there's no way anyone would be able to link the character to you, but they're cautious... Especially after Victoria."

He barely missed a beat. "You can send it to me anytime and I'll sign. It's the least I can do," he answered steadily, and now there was a sadness in his voice that Bella had never heard before. It sounded like he thought she was just using him—that she was only calling so he would agree to sign her stupid release.

She never wanted him to feel beholden to her. "You don't owe me anything," she said carefully. "I don't want you to think that you have to do this."

He didn't answer her for a moment but then gave a resigned sigh. "I'm sorry for what I said and what I did. I want to take it all back." His voice was strained and she understood. They were going to talk about this now. About everything she had tried so hard not to remember. She couldn't bear the thought that he was blaming himself for what happened.

"You did nothing wrong. I hung up on you."

"I told you I couldn't be friends with you. That isn't true. I should never have asked you to... be more than that. It was a petty, stupid thing for me to say—"

"But I should never have reacted the way I did." She stopped but then admitted, "It was immature. And I'm sorry for being like that."

"God, I've dreamed of talking to you so many times and this is not how I ever imagined it would go." He sounded frustrated. "I just... will you just accept my apology?"

Bella smiled into her phone. He definitely was more direct now. "Yes. On the condition you also accept mine."

"Done," he said with finality.

"Done," she replied.

He snorted quietly at her response, obviously amused. After a beat he asked, "So, how are you?"

"Good, I guess. Things were a little off when I came back home. I wasn't able to write, but obviously I sorted that out." She cringed as she thought of how embarrassed she'd be if Edward ever found out how she managed that. To change the focus from herself, she asked, "How about you?"

"I'm okay. Everything was a little crazy for a while there, but I've settled into this life now. I miss the way things used to be though. You know, normal."

Bella's heart went out to him. He _was_ sad.

"Well, just think, in ten years it will be someone else they'll be after and you'll be left alone."

"And my career will be non-existent," he scoffed. After a pause he continued, "Sometimes I just wish things could have turned out differently. That we lived another life..." He trailed off.

_If only._

"I know, me too." Bella let herself feel the regret. What he was saying was so close to her dreams, those times when she allowed herself to imagine a life with Edward.

"Is it too late for me to take it back? He asked.

"Take what back?"

"I want to be friends. I'll take anything: friend, acquaintance... anything."

Bella thought about how well her attempt to be "friends" with him last time worked out. She'd barely been able to control herself around him. And her control had slipped. Even now, just his voice was dredging up emotions and desires she was fighting to constrain.

She couldn't deny that she wanted Edward in her life; her browsing history was testament to that. But could they ever be just friends? Was she capable of keeping her distance?

She recalled how she'd managed to remove Edward from her life when she was writing and that provided her with the certainty that she could. To her it showed she was less prone to infatuation, more grown-up about her actions now. And she knew without a doubt that Edward would never try to kiss her again, not after what happened last time.

"Bella? If you don't want to, I—"

"Of course, friends," she said and felt certain about it. She was different now. He was different now. They could make this work.

"And friends can call, yes?"

"I guess," Bella answered while wondering what Mike would make of Edward calling her.

"And email?"

"Email's great." Mike wouldn't even know.

"And when you come back to the city, we can have lunch. Order the same meals again?" he joked.

The butterflies did their best to churn her stomach, but she held it together. "That'd be nice."

They talked for a few more minutes and when Bella finally did hang up, she thought Edward sounded the same as he used to—no longer sad. She felt better, too.

* * *

Later that night, Bella climbed into bed with Mike and cuddled up close to him. Their marriage had always been affectionate, even if it was lacking in butterflies. Mike wrapped his arm around her and pulled her in close.

"Did you call that guy today?" he asked absently while he flipped through an order catalogue for the store.

"Yeah, I did. He said he'd sign the release." She sighed happily into the crook of Mike's arm.

"That's great, baby," he said and then kissed the top of her head.

She smiled up at him before rolling over to her own side of the bed and falling asleep. Later that night, as she did most nights, she dreamt of Edward.

* * *

**A/N: You have no idea how glad I am to be through the separation. Here's hoping Eddie makes writing easier for me, too ;)**

**Some other stuff...**

**My slash writing alter-ego, MySlashyFriend, has made the final round in the For the Love of Jasper contest. And yes, I squealed. Out loud. Voting closes on October 23rd. The poll and all the entries can be found here:**

**http://www[DOT]fanfiction[DOT]net/u/2023698/For_the_Love_of_Jasper**

**Also, Rehab's WHODUNIT murder/mystery one-shot contest is still on. Entries are accepted until November 10th. All the details for that one are on my profile and I can't wait to read the entries.**

**Hope to see you all sooner :)**


	13. Reunions and Realizations

**A/N: A lot happens in this chapter. We have Alice, some Victoria, and a little bit from a minor character who may as well be an OC. What else... oh yeah, Edward! Finally!**

**Thanks to Furious Kitten and Brianna as always, for being the BEST betas. I can't say it enough. You have no idea how much this story would suck without their input. Thanks to Roo for validating, to the Rehabers (I'm just not comfortable with the second 'b') for making the fandom so much fun, and to all of you reading/alerting/reviewing... thanks!**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

* * *

Bella sat in the green room, trying her hardest to be patient. The scene was all too familiar to her, although some things definitely were different. The chair she now occupied was hard instead of soft, which kept her sitting uncomfortably straight. She was trying to be positive, telling herself that at least when she did see him, she'd have nice posture.

Bella had been looking forward to this day with equal parts dread and delight. She and Edward had been in constant contact since she'd called him asking for the release almost four months ago. Mostly they talked through email, usually several times a day. But occasionally, Edward would call her and she would lean into her phone, imagining how he looked, memorising the exact tenor of his voice. She allowed herself those moments and justified it with the logic that it really didn't harm anyone.

But Bella was about to pay for _those_ moments, because any minute now, he was going to walk through the door, and she would have to pretend that she could handle it.

Trying to relax, she again found herself cursing the studio's furniture choices. There was simply no way she could calm her nerves whilst sitting bolt upright—for that she needed to sag. So instead of sitting uncomfortably, she decided to pace.

When the dates had come up for Bella's book tour she had passed the information on to Edward. He'd been eager to find out, saying that he needed some notice to be able to set up a time when they could meet. Bella had never considered the impact that Edward's celebrity status would have on something as simple as them meeting for lunch, but she soon realized that any form of a 'normal' lunch was out for them. Edward was recognized everywhere he went now; he couldn't so much as go to the gym without having someone whip out their phone and start snapping pictures.

Bella had two very good reasons why she didn't want to be photographed with Edward while she was on tour. First, she didn't want Mike to have to read ridiculous rumours in the newspaper. Second, she didn't want Edward connected to her book tour at all. That might lead back to him being connected to her character, which in turn wouldn't help in the rumour department. It was definitely just easier to avoid being seen out in public with him.

Edward, already fairly experienced at staying out of the public eye, had come up with the 'brilliant' idea of them meeting where they had met the very first time. At first, Bella thought he meant the deli and questioned Edward's so-called brilliance. But then he clarified that he meant the studio and she had to agree with him. It was the one place where they could meet and chat, and pass off the whole encounter as a coincidence that they were booked for the same show again. Once Bella received word of which day she was due to appear, the studio was given the joyous news that Edward Cullen was feeling a little nostalgic and was hoping he could appear on their show—a sort of thanks for the exposure they had given him when he was just starting out. Of course, due to his tight schedule there was only one day that he could appear. And although the 'coincidence' had been commented on, no one had questioned it.

Bella completed yet another lap of the small room and glanced back nervously toward the door. She felt like she was falling apart and knew she had to get a grip before he got there. So she headed back to the hard, stiff chair and sat, mentally pulling her thoughts together until she was back in control.

She'd been over this so many times in the last few days. _He's just a friend. _

Granted, he was a very attractive friend, and sure, he wrote her lovely emails that revealed a level of caring and interest she didn't even get from her own parents, but that was part of what made him such a rare and wonderful person. He was more a friend to her lately than even her husband.

_Ah, Mike_.

He'd been unusually cheerless about Bella leaving for this tour. Normally, he was thrilled and excited for her, but this time, he'd seemed reluctant to let her go. She had no idea where his behavior was coming from and had panicked that something had tipped him off. Bella had rearranged her usual tour so that she could visit Edward first, leaving the smaller cities for later. It was a difference she was certain Mike wouldn't notice, but maybe he had? Or maybe he was just picking up on her uncharacteristically enthusiastic vibes? She knew she'd been way too eager to see Edward again, but she hadn't been able to rein it in. As Mike had said farewell, he'd looked lost and sad, even when she'd reassured him she'd be back in three and a half weeks. He didn't seem any happier when she called him this morning.

Bella fidgeted in her uncomfortable chair as she realized just how precarious her position was. If it were any other life, she would have been head-over-heels in love with Edward already. But this was her life. And in her life, she was responsible and dependable and married. As she smoothed out the fabric of her pants she again gave herself the pep talk that was sounding more like a mantra: _He's just a friend._

The muffled sounds outside halted her thoughts.

As the door cracked open, the sounds became more distinct. With a surge of delight, Bella recognized Edward's deep, smooth voice as it filled the room.

"Can you wait for me out here? I'll be fine. Bella will be here already and I was just hoping for a few minutes."

Another voice answered him, still not quite decipherable.

"Yeah, okay. And can you bring us a couple of coffees. Thanks."

Bella's anticipation grew as she warmed to the idea he was mere feet away. Then the door opened completely and he stepped through.

As Bella took in the sight of his strong features and stunning green eyes, her first thought was that digital media really didn't do him justice. That was closely followed by noticing the size of the smile he now wore. She'd never seen a picture of him smiling like that.

"God, I missed you," he said as he started toward her, opening his arms as if to hug her. Bella braced herself for the spark that she always felt whenever Edward touched her, but it didn't come. Instead, when he wrapped her in his arms, his touch seemed to penetrate her, seeping in through her layers, filling her completely and warming her from inside. The sensation was... blissful. She gripped him closer, mentally checking off how long she could sustain the embrace before it became inappropriate. With an audible sigh, she began to pull away.

"I've missed you, too," she said, looking up at him.

Although he lessened his grip on her, he hadn't removed his arms from around her waist and she could still feel the deep warmth that emanated from his touch. As she took in the delighted look on his face, she wondered if he could feel it too.

Finally, he seemed to register that she'd been distancing herself from him. With a smirk he completely released her before retreating to the chair across from hers. After sitting down, he started to ramble.

"I would have been here earlier but the traffic was awful, well, it's always awful."

She listened to him while concentrating on committing everything about his appearance to memory: his trademark layer of stubble, the creases that bordered his smile, his eyes as they raked over her face, seemingly doing the same thing as she was.

"Sometimes it feels as though I'm late to everything these days," he prattled on. "I've got all the time in the world some days but as soon as I need to step outside my apartment it's all a ridiculous rush." He seemed to notice the words were spilling out of his mouth and paused. "Sorry, where are my manners? How are you?" he asked.

Bella giggled. "I'm fine. How are you?" The teenage girl that seemed to emerge when she was around Edward was fighting to be let out, but Bella restrained herself. The giggle died into a warm smile.

He laughed too. "I'm well," he said. "You look beautiful," he added.

Bella glanced down at her pants, blouse and precautionary ballet flats, slightly embarrassed by the amount of effort she had expended when selecting them. "Thanks," she replied.

Edward stared at her expectantly. "You didn't blush?"

Bella broke into a pleased smile as she realized it was true; her skin felt the same temperature as always. She'd gotten used to not blushing again and wasn't expecting it, but Edward obviously still was.

"Maybe I'm more immune to your charms now," she responded, hopeful that it might actually be the case.

"Maybe," he agreed, looking the tiniest bit disappointed by the thought.

Bella then took notice of what he was wearing, belatedly noticing that he indeed looked like a movie star now. "You look great," Bella offered.

His smile returned to being delighted. "Immune, my arse," he joked and winked at her.

She smiled back at him. This was a lot easier than she had expected. There was nothing awkward about their reunion, and Bella had an unexpected reprieve in that her skin wasn't betraying her this time around.

"Have you talked to Alice yet?" he asked.

Over the weeks, Bella had updated him with her plans. He knew her schedule for the seven days she was there just as well as she did. Bella was supposed to have lunch with Alice tomorrow.

"Yeah, I called her this morning and we're meeting tomorrow."

He nodded before responding, "Ah, good, she told me that she was free for lunch then. You still have nothing on Wednesday?"

"Only a heightened level of anxiety," she declared cryptically. Edward looked confused and she laughed. "An important review for my book is due out that day," she explained.

Edward's face softened and he gave her a sympathetic smile. "Would you say no to some company then?" he asked. "Maybe we could have lunch?"

"Is that even possible?" The thought of being able to spend more time with Edward was enticing, but didn't they agree that even just meeting here in a studio was risky enough?

"I've talked about it with Austin—my assistant. He's already put out rumours that I'll be out of town for the next week, so it should be pretty safe. Lunch would have to be at my apartment though. If that's okay?" he finished and looked so hopeful, Bella didn't think she could resist.

Still, she had to be sensible.

"So, it would be just lunch, right?"

He seemed a little offended that she'd asked him that. "Of course," he said seriously.

She felt bad for questioning his plans, but she had to be certain. "Okay, that'd be nice—" A knock on the door cut her off.

"Come in," Edward called out, seemingly unaffected by the intrusion.

The door opened and a young, blond man came through balancing takeaway cups of coffee in a cardboard tray. He looked to be in his early twenties and carried himself in a way that made Bella think of him as 'quietly competent.'

"There was a bit of a queue," he said apologetically to Edward.

"No worries, thanks." Edward grabbed one of the cups and passed it to Bella and she accepted it gratefully. "Bella, this is Austin." The young man looked her way, a genuinely friendly expression on his face but also a little... _awe_? She wondered how much he knew about her, and then realized that—seeing as it was unlikely he had ever read any of her books—anything he did know probably came from Edward.

"Hi," she greeted him.

"Nice to meet you, finally," he said, quickly glancing at Edward and smiling broadly. Bella gave herself a point as he confirmed her suspicions.

"You, too."

He smiled again before excusing himself, "Well, I'll leave you both to it." And he left in that same quietly competent way, leaving them alone again.

They continued to talk as they drank their coffees. Bella sipped at hers frequently, using it to break her constant staring at him. There wasn't much they hadn't talked about so she told him about her flight. Then he explained to her the best time to come to his apartment so as to avoid being seen. All too soon, they were interrupted by the production assistant letting them know Bella was due in make-up. They'd showed up half an hour earlier than necessary to give themselves time to be together, but it had quickly passed, and now they'd be right next to each other, yet unable to be close. It was worse than being apart.

Eventually, Bella was led out onto the set and seated for her interview where she exchanged a few private words with the host before going live. Her promotion was scheduled before the book came out this time; the agency wanted a sense of anticipation to be built or some such nonsense. Bella had agreed for the simple fact it meant she could go on tour earlier. As she sat in front of the host and the small audience, she felt the confidence that her writing instilled in her resurface. Every question that was asked, she answered expertly, throwing in flecks of humour where she could. The host treated her like an old friend and the entire exchange was comforting in its familiarity.

Soon, her time was finished and she quickly made her way to the lounge on set and watched as they brought Edward out to the piercings screams of the mostly female audience. He looked embarrassed and barely glanced at Bella as he sat down. She felt a tiny stab of disappointment, but told herself it was just because they were in public. It was important they didn't appear too friendly.

Carefully, making sure that she didn't look any more interested than she should, she watched him and was amazed at the contrast to how he appeared last time he was on the show. He flirted subtly with the host and the audience and every now and then he would run his hands through his hair, causing some women to actually swoon. As he talked he deliberately made eye contact and wore a serious expression, but it seemed to be on purpose, so that when he smiled it had a bigger impact.

The last time he had sat on this set, he'd been nervous, anxious even. Now, he looked like he was born for this environment. And much to Bella's shame, she found herself even more attracted to him because of it.

After the show finished, they saw each other only briefly before Edward had to leave. They shared a quick, friendly embrace, and again, Bella felt it through her entire being. He pulled away swiftly, very conscious of the public scrutiny, mumbling a low, "See you." The rest of the sentence had to be left unsaid, that she would see him the day after tomorrow.

* * *

At noon the next day, Bella was standing on a crowded street trying desperately to find a short woman in a mass of people. It was lunch time and the streets were filled with food-seekers. She reminded herself never to try it again.

"Bella, over here!" Alice yelled from across the crowded street. Bella spotted her and carefully dodged the traffic as she crossed over to meet her.

"Hi," Bella greeted, while leaning in and giving Alice a brief hug.

"The restaurant's just up on the next block," Alice explained as they were swept up by the flow of pedestrians. "How did the big reunion go?"

Bella scoffed, "Like you don't already know." She was familiar with Alice's TiVo ways now.

Alice laughed. "You looked nice," she said approvingly.

"Thanks."

"Edward looked better." Alice smirked. Bella was a little offended by the statement but kept that to herself. "Kidding!" Alice revealed. "He did look fabulous though, don't you think? I hear he has a new stylist."

Bella now understood where Alice was going. "He did look fantastic. You have excellent taste," she complimented. Alice looked pleased and then sidestepped a dropped coffee cup with the grace that Bella had always admired.

"You also looked happy," Alice added while they waited for a break in traffic to cross the street.

Bella smiled guiltily. "I was pretty happy," she admitted.

They arrived at the restaurant and were led to a table. Everything was white in the room: the linen, the furniture, the staff uniforms. The name of the restaurant was Pure, and Bella supposed the decor was supposed to be representative of that. But for Bella, it just made her feel like a blemish in a big room of perfect. Alice was wearing neutral tones which made Bella wonder if she had done it on purpose.

As soon as they were seated Alice was ordering martinis. Bella only briefly considered refusing, but she really felt like a drink so instead she nodded.

"So, you're going to have lunch with him?" Alice asked, arching her eyebrows knowingly.

"Yes, tomorrow," Bella answered calmly, no longer surprised by Alice's inside knowledge when it came to Edward.

"Have you thought about what you are wearing?"

Bella wanted to roll her eyes, but she couldn't. She had thought about it—a ridiculous amount.

So instead she gave an exaggerated sigh. "I think I might need some help. I didn't pack anything for a casual lunch at an A-lister's house."

Alice gave a knowing grin. "I have a couple of free hours. We'll shop after we eat."

A waiter brought over their drinks and Bella sipped at hers, grimacing briefly while her tastebuds adjusted.

"So, do you have any news I'm not already aware of?" Alice asked.

"Not really, no." She thought back over the last day or two, noting the only significant event had been seeing Edward. "You've already heard about everything from yesterday, I'm sure."

"But I haven't heard it from you," she implored.

Bella took another sip, resigning herself to reiterating everything that Edward had no doubt already told her. "It was really good to see him. He looks amazing now, his confidence and the way he handled the interview..." She shook her head, still awed by the change she'd witnessed. "He's almost like a different man," she finished.

"Oh, he's still the same man." Alice winked. "He just learnt a few tricks over the last year. You get that way after dealing with everything he's been through."

"Still..." Bella trailed off, not willing to admit just how much those changes stirred her feelings for him. As she considered how Edward made her feel, she recalled the first time they had met and how she had reverted to her teenage self, and she had to admit that maybe he wasn't so different now. It was probably just the break from seeing him that amplified her emotions.

That recollection prompted Bella to remember something else that was rather significant. "I didn't blush when he complimented me," she said suddenly, remembering the momentous news. "I wasn't expecting to, but I was surprised when he pointed it out."

"Well, I don't think it's _that_ surprising." Alice said in a slightly mocking tone. She twirled the stuffed olive in her glass before taking it between her teeth.

"You don't?"

"Think about it... when you first met him, everything was new. Every smile, every casual touch," she paused and looked Bella squarely in the eye, "every kiss. It was all something you'd never experienced before with him. Now, you're more comfortable around him. You know what his smile looks like, and how it feels to hold him. The awe isn't there anymore."

Bella scoffed lightly. "I might agree with you up until a point, but his touch still affected me. It was just different this time."

"Different?"

"It's hard to explain... it feels like his touch goes deeper than just the surface, like it seeps into my very being," she explained.

"Ahh..." Alice looked thoughtful for a moment. "Have you ever felt that with Mike?"

It took a moment for Alice's words to sink in, but when they did, Bella stopped breathing. Mike's touch never felt that way. He never gave her electric shocks or butterflies, more just a sense of contentment. But did that even mean anything?

Her mind ran through the events of the last year, and she realized she'd only felt better after seeing and talking to Edward. She thought of her relationship with Mike and how when she was away on tour she missed him, but it never felt as though she had lost her purpose in life. Not like when she left Edward. Was it possible that Edward was _more_ to her than Mike?

"Bella?" Alice said, gently prying her from her thoughts.

Bella took a deep breath. She'd already reached her conclusion, but at the same time, had realized it didn't matter if he was. She was already married to Mike.

She looked at Alice and tried to emit an air of certainty as she employed a skill she had perfected over the last year; she lied, "Of course."

Alice simply nodded, the slight trace of eagerness disappearing from her expression. Bella changed the subject quickly, not willing to keep discussing the possibility she had picked the wrong man to spend the rest of her life with.

Lunch was devoured along with two martinis each, and by the end of it, Bella was feeling a lot less somber. They left the whiteness and returned to the polluted streets of the city, chatting enthusiastically on their way to one of Alice's favorite boutiques. Once they arrived, Alice entered first, Bella following with only mild trepidation.

Alice moved around the boutique, spouting the benefits of a halter on Bella's figure. It was the beginning of summer now, so Alice was intent on Bella showing at least some leg. Bella thought that was a really bad idea given her coloring, but Alice had countered that pale was in now before trailing off with something about the resurgence of "Vampire Chic."

Alice stopped in front of a tasteful dress, nothing too revealing, and glanced over at Bella for conformation.

"It's nice," Bella offered.

"Do you have any idea what his exact plans are?" Alice asked, looking a little frustrated with the lack of certainty.

"He asked me to come over in the morning and said we'd have lunch. That's all I know." She shrugged.

"In the morning? Huh." Alice began to casually sort through some clothes on hangers.

"What is it?"

"Well, he has a red carpet thing tonight, and they usually run pretty late. And then Edward almost always goes out afterward." She paused as she pulled out a blouse and then held it up against herself. "I would have thought he'd want to sleep in." She decided against the blouse for some unknown reason and returned it to its place.

Bella smiled a little to herself at the thought that Edward would be giving up his sleep to see her. Or even better, that maybe he would cut his evening short so he could spend time with her the next day. Then she mentally chastised herself for thinking about him that way. Again.

Just then, Alice let out a little squeal.

"What?" Bella asked, worried and disturbed at the same time.

"Are you clumsy?"

"What?" Bella repeated.

"Did you trip or fall over or hit your head? Anything like that?"

Understanding dawned on Bella and her eyes widened. "No." She hadn't stumbled at all, not even after Edward hugged her. It was like the teenager reactions she had when she first met him were gone. Was it possible that Alice was right?

"Fantastic!" Alice held up her choice of clothing. It was a khaki skirt—stylish, but nothing too flashy—and a light blouse that wouldn't be too warm. "I know the perfect shoes to go with these." She grinned.

"Let me guess," Bella said dryly, "heels?"

Alice nodded enthusiastically. "Come on, let's go."Bella paid for the items that Alice had picked, before following her out the door. She couldn't help but feel a little excited at the prospect of wearing heels for Edward. _To have lunch with Edward! _she corrected herself.

* * *

After Alice left to return to work, Bella wandered through the city on her way back to her hotel. She enjoyed being able to have everything in walking distance while she was there and always tried to take advantage of it. She was just nearing the restaurant where she and Alice had lunch earlier when she spotted a familiar streak of red.

_Victoria._

Bella stopped in her tracks and eyed the beautiful, pale woman that was leaving the restaurant. Victoria stepped out onto the street then looked around, quickly scanning both directions. She spotted Bella almost immediately, then gave a wry grin as she headed toward her.

Realizing that Victoria was coming to talk to her, Bella moved to the side of the pavement so as to not get in anyone's way. As she watched, she was again amazed at Victoria's stunning, inhumane beauty and wild, violet eyes. Victoria's lips broke into a grin and Bella swallowed nervously.

"Bella," she called out in a pleasantly surprised voice as she approached. Bella didn't think the surprise was genuine though—the look on Victoria's face just didn't match her voice. With horror, Bella realized that meant Victoria was expecting to see her. Did that mean she knew Bella was in the area? Or even in that restaurant?

Panic quickly began to spread through Bella at the thought of Victoria being privy to anything she had discussed with Alice earlier. _Surely I would have noticed her?_

"How are you?" she asked once she was close enough to talk.

The panic increased with Victoria's proximity, but Bella fought to control it. She took a calming breath, and replied, "I'm well, Victoria. How are you?"

She squinted her eyes, almost as though she were examining Bella. "I'm great, just had a delicious meal at Pure." Her face changed ever so slightly then, revealing a trace of determination. It was the same look she'd had on her face during the interview and Bella realized that Victoria was about to pounce.

But Bella had learned her lesson from last time. Just because Victoria had lunch at the restaurant didn't mean she was there earlier. This time, she wasn't going to give anything up.

"Oh, really, I've heard good things about it." She smiled sweetly.

Victoria narrowed her eyes the tiniest degree. "I hear you have a new book out now, congratulations."

"Thank you."

"And I saw that you were on The Morning Show, yesterday. With Edward I believe. What are the odds?" She raised her eyebrows.

Bella lied confidently, "It was a coincidence, wasn't it?"

Victoria's expression changed again, first looking slightly frustrated, then conspiratorial. "So, how is Edward?"

"How is he?" Did she really think that Bella would tell her anything about Edward? Bella couldn't believe the nerve of the woman. "You mean, after everything you've put him through, or just in general?"

Victoria laughed. "Don't be like that, Bella." She smiled persuasively. "I have nothing against you, and I don't want to either."

Bella was amazed. Talking to this woman was like walking through a minefield. She was struggling to keep everything she wanted to say to herself. So she tried deflection. "I'm not going to tell you anything about Edward. If that's what you're after then you may as well give up now."

Victoria smirked. "You know, I did you a big favour when I wrote your article. Maybe I won't be so benevolent next time."

_Oh, that is it._

Bella laughed scathingly. "You did not do me a favour. You think I don't know the real reason you didn't write your ridiculous speculation about me and Edward? You saved it to use against him! How is _that_ doing me a favour?"

Victoria rolled her eyes. "I could have ruined your marriage, but I didn't."

Bella was getting riled up now, but she kept her voice low. "But you damn well near ruined Edward's career."

"You don't think he deserved it?" Victoria scoffed.

Bella was stumped by Victoria's words. They couldn't possibly be talking about the same man. She couldn't be certain if Victoria was trying to manipulate her into saying something again or really just venting. Considering she couldn't tell, she thought it was best she just leave.

"Look, Victoria, I really have to be somewhere," she lied.

"Fine," Victoria said. "Enjoy yourself while you're in town," she added, her words laced with innuendo.

Bella gave her a tight smile in farewell and then stepped back into the current of pedestrians. Once she reached the corner she couldn't help but glance back. With ease, she spotted Victoria's flame-red hair in the crowds, talking seriously into a cell phone. Thankful she wasn't being followed, Bella continued to her hotel where she had every intention of ordering one of those room-service martinis.

* * *

**A/N: Very important stuff!!!!!**

**Ninapolitan, LolaShoes, and tby789 have shown just how freakingly amazing they are by putting together The Fandom Gives Back. Our glorious fandom is joining forces to help donate to Alex's Lemonade Stand—a foundation for childhood cancer. You can donate directly by visiting the Twilight fandom stand:**

**http://www[DOT]alexslemonade[DOT]org/stands/19842**

**They are also holding an auction to help raise funds. Many of your favourite twific authors are up for sale, but you can also bid on art, merchandise, craft (Feisty mittens, anyone?), and heaps of other stuff. You can find all the info here:**

**http://www[DOT]thefandomgivesback[DOT]com/**

**I am auctioning off a one-shot for this very worthy cause. It can be ANYTHING you want. I'm happy writing any pairing, any rating, any genre, and am promising a minimum of 4k words. You can also request an outtake, continuation or other POV from any of my stories. My auction thread is here:**

**http://thefandomgivesback[DOT]proboards[DOT]com/index[DOT]cgi?board=fic&action=display&thread=47**

**All of these links are also on my profile.**

**So please, come by from the 15****th**** to the 20****th**** of November and help our fandom support Alex's Lemonade Stand. Please bid, then make me do your bidding ;) **


	14. A Woman's Worth

**A/N: As always, the biggest thanks to Brianna and Furious Kitten for the beta work. Also, thanks to Roo for validating, to all the readers/reviewers for making me feel worthwhile, and to the rehabers for... everything.**

**And Revrag. You hassle well, bb. And pimp. That could seriously be another career choice for you ;)**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

* * *

Bella opened her eyes and a wave of giddy anticipation swept over her.

_It's today_.

Not only was her review out, but she was also less than two hours from seeing Edward.

Alone.

At his apartment.

Edward had sent her a text the night before, asking her not to read her review until they were together, and she'd agreed in her response. Seeing as he was the inspiration behind the whole story, she was inclined to indulge him. And besides that, she was looking forward to sharing it with someone. It wouldn't be the same if she had to sit alone and read it by herself.

After climbing out of bed, she ate a quick room service breakfast, drank a cup of tea, and then set about primping herself. First she showered and shaved her legs, next came make-up, and finally, an attempt at styling her hair. After she was finished, she carefully put on the outfit that Alice had helped her select the day before and then unpacked the shoes.

They were only a modest pair of heels—patent leather sling-backs that couldn't be more than two inches at the stem—but they were new and stylish and felt special to Bella. She slipped her feet into them and admired the way they fit her perfectly. She then added a pair of large sunglasses and felt like a walking cliché as she left for the hotel foyer.

It was only four blocks to Edward's apartment building so she chose to walk, stopping by a newsstand on her way to grab a copy of the review. She knew reading the article would either send her spiralling into a funk or make her year, and she'd been preparing herself for either outcome over the last few days. Despite her efforts, she still found herself wrangling with her nerves as she clasped the newspaper in her arms and made her way through the busy streets.

Edward had been clear that she needed to arrive in the morning. The idea was that there were plenty of people milling around the streets before work, so it was unlikely anyone would notice her slipping into his building. He was right, of course; there were people everywhere. She relaxed as she made her way to his building, greeting the doorman before being let in.

The adrenaline pumping through her system increased as the elevator took her up to his floor. Her gut told her the book was good, but she'd been surprised by reviews before and she wasn't ever one to be cocky anyway. Besides, she knew her nerves weren't only caused by the review. She got off at his floor, found his room, and knocked on his door, taking off her sunglasses and waiting uneasily for him to answer.

A moment later the door opened, and there stood Edward, clad in only his boxers and a lazy smile. Bella's eyes widened in surprise before she could stop them, but she did manage to keep them firmly planted on his face.

"Morning," he said as he stepped aside to let her in.

"Morning," she replied automatically, and somehow managed to cross the threshold.

As he closed the door behind her, she made an effort to take in her surroundings so as not to turn and stare at him. There was a large open kitchen to the left with an island counter that had several stools lined up on the outside. Next to that was a dining table that was far too big for a bachelor's apartment and looked to be completely unused, judging by the perfectly arranged placemats and decorative candles. To the right was a living area with plush couches and armchairs that had such perfectly placed cushions, also in pristine condition.

"Wow, you look fantastic," Bella heard Edward say from behind her, and she spun to find him looking at her legs. She smiled at the thought he liked her shoes as much as she did.

"Thanks." She looked at his chest then straight away wished she hadn't. It was toned and masculine and had perfectly defined abs. She pried her eyes away from his bareness and through her lust-addled haze attempted to continue speaking. "You look... good," was what she came out with, so she laughed to try and turn it into a joke.

Thankfully, Edward laughed nervously, too. "I just got up. Sorry, late night." He suddenly looked sheepish and he headed toward the kitchen where Bella saw he'd been preparing two cups of tea.

She shook off the image of his abs and followed, carefully keeping her eyes on his face. "Ah, yes, Alice said you had a red carpet thing." Sitting down on one of the stools, she asked, "How was it?"

He glanced up at her from under his brows. "It was good," he said and quickly looked back down.

Bella self-consciously rubbed her hand over her mouth, feeling for anything that would make him want to avoid looking at her. There was nothing there, so she hoped it was just him being weird. He didn't appear to have a hangover; his eyes were clear and he seemed awake enough. But there was definitely something in the way he wasn't meeting her eyes. He was meticulously making the tea—in a teapot—and straining it into the cups.

"So what was it for—?"

A female voice floated from the other end of the apartment, interrupting her. "Edward, where do you keep spare towels?"

Bella felt like she'd been punched in the stomach. She saw Edward briefly look at her, then back at the cups of tea as he replied, "The cupboard in the hall."

Bella continued staring at him, unable to move her gaze away. She felt faint and nauseous all of a sudden, like she was going to be sick.

"Have you made the tea?" The sweet voice was getting closer, and Bella knew if she turned she would be able to see the owner of it, but she didn't want to see.

Edward didn't realize that.

"Bella, this is Tanya. Tanya this is Bella," he said with a smile as he gestured behind where Bella was sitting. Now, she'd have to turn around. "She's a bit of a fan of yours," he continued as he took in Bella's expression. The smile had disappeared from his face and he looked almost like he was challenging her, daring her to say something or get upset. She took a deep breath and turned on the stool to meet Edward's lover.

She must have been over six feet tall, all flowing strawberry blond hair that fell down around her shoulders. Bella recognised her as one of the women Edward was frequently photographed with. She was only wearing a business shirt, which was too big for her, so Bella knew with a sickening certainty that it was Edward's. Her legs were... long and bare and perfect.

"I love your stories," Tanya said, snapping Bella's eyes back to her face. She smiled a perfect white-toothed smile, and Bella felt like she was going to pass out.

"Thanks," Bella replied, surreptitiously leaning against the counter for support. The room was too warm now, and crowded, and she was genuinely worried that she was going to faint. Panicking, she turned back toward Edward, looking everywhere but at him. "Um, I have to go," she said quickly, trying hard to not sound like she was fleeing.

"Bella, you can stay."

"No, no. I'm going. I'll see you later." She grabbed her paper and made a run for the door, not pausing to say goodbye on her way out. Thankfully, she didn't have to wait for the elevator, its doors opening as soon as she pressed the button. After stepping inside, she banged too hard on the ground floor button, desperate to escape before Edward could stop her. As soon as the doors closed she took a deep breath, the panic receding only to be replaced with the same sinking feeling she'd had earlier.

She felt so stupid!

Just moments ago, she'd been expecting Edward to be sitting at home, waiting anxiously for her to show up. In reality, he'd been laying around in the arms of this... this Tanya. Bella was humiliated with how she'd just behaved, but what else could she have done? The last thing she had expected to see was a beautiful, model-looking, half-naked woman in his apartment.

As the elevator descended, her mortification gave way to another feeling. She was mad! He knew she was coming over and yet he hadn't asked Tanya to put on some clothes? She was shaking with how angry she was now, her mind getting irrationally worked up over what happened. She wanted to yell at him, scream at him about how much he'd hurt her.

She wanted to hurt him.

As she acknowledged that to herself, she felt ashamed. What was happening to her? She'd worked so hard at trying to stay in control when it came to Edward, and yet she was losing it completely after meeting the woman he'd shared his bed with. Bella's chest constricted at the thought and she hunched over, wrapping her arms around herself as if it would keep her together. She was mortified and shocked, yes, but the way her chest ached was due to something else entirely. Bella now knew why she was reacting this way; she was painfully jealous.

She knew she had no right to feel that way, so she tried, really tried, to think of how she should be feeling. Her stomach clenching, she thought about how she should be happy for him that he had found someone so beautiful. That's what friends feel, right?

She almost retched.

The lift finally reached the ground floor, and as she stepped into the lobby, she took a moment to think. Her legs were shaking and she needed somewhere to sit, but she couldn't stay in his building. There was a coffee shop she'd passed on her way in, and she figured that would be as good a place as any to hide, so she pulled herself together and smiled as warmly as she could manage at the doorman as she left.

Crossing the road, she focused on the traffic and felt her body calming down. Somehow leaving Edward's apartment building was freeing and cleansing, and the awful emotions she'd had thrust upon her were receding. By the time she reached the shop, she'd forced herself back into control by just not thinking about it. Instead she concentrated on her order and on watching the young lady make it. She then accepted the large steaming mug of full cream latte and settled into one of the couches to sip at it and do what she had intended to do with Edward; she was going to read her review.

She unfolded and smoothed out the paper, then flipped through the fine pages until she found what she was looking for. With a deep breath, she began to read.

_Many wondered how Swan would answer the success of her hapless couple in the Stanford series. There were great expectations leading up to the release of her fifth book, the first of a new series. _

Pausing, Bella took a sip of her drink while she adjusted her foot in her new shoes. She glanced at her feet and realized the heels that had earlier made her feel so special now looked plain. An image of Tanya sprung unbidden to Bella's mind: long, pale, perfect legs that stretched up forever. They were the type of legs that are always attached to very stylish high heels. Bella felt ridiculous at having ever entertained the thought that Edward could be impressed by hers.

_Focus!_ she chided herself.

_Her latest offering holds the interest the way any good writer can. Although it takes a while to adapt to the new characters and settings, the story is engrossing and captivated my heart._

The mention of the word heart was enough to distract her again, and her mind flicked to an image of Edward between Tanya's legs, his back arched in pleasure. She could feel tears welling so she reread the last comment to force herself back together then continued.

_The plot follows the struggle of Emmett McCarty—a newly successful football player—as he fights to come to terms with the powerful forces of celebrity and love. The aptly named Juggernaut gives us an insight into how powerful and damaging these forces can be._

Bella absorbed the words, carefully trying to keep her mind from torturing her any further.

_In many ways this new offering is far superior to her Stanford series. The writing is better, the plot is thicker, and the story easily sustained my interest. Her fans will be thrilled with the new offering, as will new readers, drama and romance alike. Another hit for Swan._

It was good.

_Thank God_ it was good.

If it had been bad she would no doubt be in tears. She read it again and then once more for good measure. The words were what she needed to hear right now; she needed someone to tell her she was worthwhile. She smiled for the first time since meeting Tanya.

Bella indulged in her accomplishment for another ten minutes as she finished her coffee. The ache in her chest had almost entirely disappeared, and she was feeling much better. She was just starting to contemplate what she should do with the rest of her day when her phone beeped. Picking it up, she read:

**Please come back. She's gone. **

_As if that makes it better,_ Bella thought to herself bitterly. Then she felt bad again for being so selfish and petty. The ache returned, but it wasn't as severe.

Could she really go back up there?

They were supposed to be friends, so she couldn't ignore him because of what had happened. He was entitled to relationships just as much as she was entitled to her marriage. The fact that he spent the night with that woman should not matter at all, and it would be childish to let something like that come between them. She didn't want Edward to think she was childish.

With that thought, Bella folded up her paper and left the coffee shop, then walked back to Edward's. It was the only grown-up thing to do. A little embarrassed, she again smiled at the doorman as he let her back into the building. Then she hurried to the elevator before she changed her mind.

For the second time in the space of an hour, Bella knocked on Edward's door.

_Please be dressed._

He opened the door and she silently breathed a sigh of relief when she saw he was fully clothed in jeans and a T-shirt. He looked repentant, and she felt awful.

"I'm sorry," they both said at once. Bella squeezed the newspaper nervously while Edward chuckled.

"I'll go first," she added quickly. "I shouldn't have left, I was just... shocked. I mean—" she shook her head slightly and blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "She wasn't wearing any pants."

Edward opened the door and gestured her inside. She couldn't help but glance around, looking for _her_ as she entered.

"I'm sorry about that," he said, looking slightly abashed. "I thought she'd be gone by the time you showed up. I probably should have warned you or something."

_You think._

Bella bit back that thought. "No, that's stupid. You shouldn't have to do that," she said as she again took a seat at the counter and Edward walked in to the kitchen. Bella suppressed the feeling of déjà vu as he began pouring two cups of tea.

"Were you really that bothered by it?" he asked. She met his eyes and was confused by his expression. He looked amused.

She wasn't amused, and so made a split second decision to lie. "Not really. I just... wasn't sure if you still wanted me here—while she was here."

"Tanya," he pointed out as he slid a cup of tea across the counter to Bella.

"While Tanya was here," she corrected.

"You looked upset."

Bella really wished he would just let it go. "It was just unexpected," she fobbed him off, but he kept staring at her and it made her uncomfortable. She felt like she was being analyzed.

His gaze finally left her face as he walked around to sit beside her. "Are we okay?" he asked.

She sighed and tried to force out the last of her tension with the breath. "Of course we are." She smiled genuinely at him and was relieved when he did the same.

"How's the review?"

Unclasping her stiff fingers from the newspaper, she passed it to him. He smiled as he took it from her then quickly found the page.

Bella was thankful he'd remembered her review, that he hadn't been too distracted by Tanya. This was, after all, what he had planned to do this morning.

After a few moments he looked to her, a big grin on his face. "It's good," he said.

"It's great," she corrected, smirking.

He read through it again, still smiling. "So we celebrate! I wasn't sure, you see. I had champagne for celebrating, gin for commiserating."

"It's only ten in the morning! It's too early for drinking," Bella added.

"I know," he winked and stood up from his stool. "If you'd like to bring your tea with you, we can retire to the sitting room." He was hamming up his accent and she liked it. Of course, she would never tell him that.

She followed him into yet another area of the apartment and was relieved to see it looked lived in. There was a treadmill next to the couch, a used towel still draped over the handle. A large flat screen TV was mounted on a low entertainment unit which had little black boxes everywhere. Bella assumed they were speakers and maybe a gaming console, but she wasn't really sure. One wall was entirely covered with shelves of CDs, another was wall-to-ceiling tinted windows. The final detail she noticed was that this coffee table appeared to be his desk.

"I feel more comfortable in here. This apartment is bigger than the house I grew up in, and I tend to only use this room." They both took a seat on the couch, Edward reclining comfortably, very much so at home. Bella couldn't help but wonder if Tanya had sat where she was.

"I prefer this room," she admitted, trying to change her train of thought. "It's much more 'you,' I think."

He smiled back at her. "I suspect it's much more 'you,' too," he joked.

As they drank their tea, Edward began to question her, something he did much more of these days. It made him seem driven, all the questioning, but Bella knew it was just that he hated not knowing what was going on. She suspected it was a side-effect of the mass learning curve he'd dealt with over the last year and a half.

He asked her about her schedule, checking when she had appointments and then asked about her plans while in the other cities. They moved from that to talking about Edward's latest offers—agreeing on the ones that were good careers moves, and the ones that weren't.

When they were talking like this, it was easy for her to believe they could always be friends. She'd never felt this relaxed, this in tune with another person before. And while they talked, she couldn't help but idly wonder what their lives would be like if there never was a Mike or a Tanya. Would they be a couple? She honestly didn't know if they would be. Edward obviously enjoyed attention, but she didn't. Not really. Plus, he seemed to like the city, while she was content to only visit occasionally.

She never finished that thought though, as her musings, and their conversation, were interrupted by her phone.

"Sorry," she apologized and quickly made her way over to answer it. She saw it was Mike calling and so took another moment to get collected.

"Hi," she answered.

"Hi, baby. How's today treating you?"

Bella let out a little laugh as she thought of how her morning wasn't so nice, but she couldn't tell him that. "Well enough," she replied. "You?"

"All good. Work's keeping me busy. So, how did everything go with Alice?"

"Oh, it was great to see her. And she took me shopping which was nice."

"It was nice?" he questioned.

"Ah, yeah, it was."

"So what did you get for me?" he joked.

Bella smiled. "Some lovely sling-back heels—you'll love them." Mike laughed and she grinned at her own joke before noticing Edward glaring at her from across the room. She turned away from him, annoyed at his attitude, and moved to the hallway so she wouldn't have to see him.

After Mike's chuckle died down, he continued, "So... have you read anything interesting today?"

Bella smiled at his attempt to be subtle. "Uh huh. How about you?"

"Just read it online. Congratulations, you blew them away. I'm so proud of you, Bells."

"Thanks. I'm pretty blown away myself. It's better than I could have hoped for."

"What are you doing to celebrate?"

Bella shifted her weight on her feet and glanced around to make sure Edward wasn't in ear shot. "I was just going to go out to dinner, maybe catch a movie."

"You should call Alice, or maybe that other guy, whatshisname? Make it a proper celebration."

"Ah, I don't think so," Bella said quietly, again checking she was still alone. "It'll just be a quiet night for me."

"Well, I guess it won't be too long until you're back. Charlie will probably want to take you out for steak. Oh yeah, guess what I heard?"

"What?" asked Bella, suddenly concerned.

"Lauren's leaving town."

"Really?" She tried to not sound too hopeful.

"Yeah, heard it from her dad yesterday when he came in to the store. She's going to LA, apparently."

Bella felt an enormous weight lift from her shoulders as she listened to him. Lauren was leaving; the one person in town that suspected her would be gone. She definitely sounded too happy as she answered him, "That's great news!"

"Yeah, I guess," Mike answered obviously a little thrown by her enthusiasm. "Well, I better get back to work. Congrats again, Bella. You deserve it."

"Thanks," she mumbled, some of the guilt returning. "I'll call you tomorrow," she added.

"Okay. Love you."

"Love you, too."

Smiling widely, she ended the call and took a moment to relish in her luck that Lauren was leaving. Then she pushed it all aside and walked back into the living area. Edward was still sitting in the same spot on the couch, watching her as she came back into the room.

"How is he?" he asked, his expression steely.

Returning to her spot on the couch, she answered him, "He's fine." Again, she felt the stab of annoyance at Edward's attitude. He just had another woman in his bed and yet he was put out about Mike calling her? Wanting to avoid more of his misguided antagonism, she changed the subject. "So, what are we having for lunch?"

Edward's whole demeanour changed as he smirked and shifted on the couch, twisting his body to face her. "What do you feel like?" he asked.

"I don't know. You're making me pick?"

"Well, not really." He laughed. "I feel like seared salmon and green salad. How does that sound?"

Bella's mouth watered. "Mmm, delicious. Can you really make that?"

He grinned. "I didn't make the salad, but I can cook the salmon."

He looked like he was about to continue, but once again, a phone was ringing. This time it was Edward's. He smiled apologetically before getting up and answering it cheerfully, but that immediately changed as he listened to whoever it was on the other end of the line.

"You're joking?" He spoke gruffly into the phone. Bella stood up and stared at him, worried by the tone of his voice.

"How does he even know I'm still here?!" he yelled. "No, I know you wouldn't have said anything. I'm just... frustrated. I know. Thanks for doing what you can. That would be good. Yeah. Okay, thanks."

He hung up the phone and looked incredibly pissed off.

"James is down there."

Bella searched her brain for someone to match to the name but came up blank. "James?" she prompted.

"He's the barmy pap that showed up outside the restaurant that night. He... I don't know. He's one of the worst. He practically camped out down on the street when all that shit with Victoria was going on." He glanced up at her, but then shook his head in frustration and swore silently. "He shouldn't even know that I'm here. Austin made it clear that I was flying out first thing. How could he know?" he mused out loud.

Bella got a sinking feeling in her stomach when he mentioned Victoria and she sat back down. "Is he—_James_—is he connected with Victoria?" she asked, scared of his response.

"I'm pretty certain he is—yeah."

"Oh." She swallowed uncomfortably, her mouth suddenly dry. "I saw her yesterday. She came out of the restaurant Alice and I had lunch at. It was later though so I was sure she wasn't there while we were—"

"Did you talk about coming here for lunch?"

"Yes," Bella admitted guiltily. "But I swear Victoria wasn't there. I would have noticed her."

Edward moved to sit beside her on the couch. "It's not always how these things work. Waiters, concierges, patrons... you never know who is listening. If you saw Victoria at the restaurant that probably means it was the waiter. She would have shown up later and paid them for whatever they were able to tell her. Do you remember exactly what you said?" he asked.

"We talked about how I was coming over for lunch."

"You didn't mention time at all?"

"No." She shook her head. "We did talk about it later, but that was when we were shopping."

Edward sighed loudly. "Okay, well, that explains why he wasn't here earlier; he didn't expect you until now. If you stay away from the windows then he won't even know you're here. It'll be fine." He gave her a warm smile and she knew that should have relaxed her. But for some reason she just couldn't shake the feeling that something was still very wrong. Then it hit her.

"He'll see me leaving," she said, panic starting to seep into her voice. "If he's down there then I can't leave."

"It's okay, Bella. I've already asked them to call me as soon as he's left. You'll know as soon as he's gone."

"But what if he doesn't leave? You just said he camped down there when Victoria was after your blood. What if he does that again?"

"He'll have to leave eventually. In the meantime, you can just stay." He gave her his patented crooked smile, turning it into a joke.

She tried to calm down and match his composure but she just couldn't. Questions kept flying through her head: Was it really her fault that James was out there? How long could he possibly wait? Was it really a good idea for her to stay at Edward's? Would Tanya mind?

Edward noticed. "Bella, there's no point in worrying about it. You're stuck here for now. Let's just make the most of it, okay?" He had so much more experience dealing with this sort of thing it seemed easy for him to come to terms with it. Taking in his earnest expression, she decided she could deal with it, too.

"Okay," she agreed timidly.

"Good. So, how do you feel about lunch now?"

He stood up and made his way to the kitchen, so Bella followed. Resuming her perch on the stool, she watched as he opened the fridge and pulled out a pre-packaged salad and a package of two salmon fillets. "Viola! Meet lunch."

Bella smiled and settled in to watch Edward cook for her. She noticed straight away it wasn't something he did often. It took him three cupboard doors to find a pan. He looked awkward as he placed it on the stove top.

Obviously, he wasn't adept at cooking. _At least he's trying though_, she thought. Mike had never cooked for her. Not that she'd want him to—he'd probably be worse than Charlie. But still, here was Edward _trying_, and he actually chose something she would like.

Then she remembered that weird connection thing they have where they like the same things. All of a sudden, the conversation they'd had on the lounge where he'd asked her what she felt like made a lot more sense.

"I wonder if we like all the same things, or if it's only food?"

Edward glanced up from where he was battling with the vacuum-sealed fish. "Umm, I think it's more." He was a little preoccupied.

"What sort of books do you like?" she persisted.

"I don't know, any of the classics." With success, he sliced open the package and his face split into an accomplished grin.

"Me, too." She smiled.

She watched as he put the pan on to heat and placed the fillets in—no oil. She watched as he turned the fish over almost immediately and how he squeezed the delicate flesh whilst doing it. Then she watched the fillets finally begin to cook—too quickly—once the pan heated up. Edward hadn't noticed as he was distracted by unpacking the salad.

"Bugger!" he shouted as he heard the loud sizzling and turned back to the stove. He was butchering the fillets with the pair of tongs he was using to try and dislodge them.

It was too frustrating for Bella to just sit and watch. "Let me help?" she asked. Jumping up from her stool, she flew around to the kitchen, then took the pan from Edward and removed it from the heat.

He grinned sheepishly. "That's probably a good idea." She smiled back.

She quickly found a spatula and some oil and managed to save their lunch. Edward brought out plates and cutlery and plated the salad while Bella finished cooking. After it was served, they sat at the other side of the island counter to eat.

"Champagne!" Edward blurted as he pushed out his stool and stood up quickly. "Would you like a glass, you know, to celebrate—your review." Bella thought he looked almost nervous.

"Sure," she replied, trying to hide her amusement.

He headed back to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of Veuve Cliquot. After expertly popping the cork, he poured two glasses and slid one across the counter to Bella. She accepted her drink and went to take a sip, but he stopped her.

"Wait." He walked around the counter and stood next to her, his closeness setting off a little alarm in her head that she chose to ignore. The crooked smile was back and he stared into her eyes, all traces of nerves gone. "Bella, I think you're the most... amazing woman. You're beautiful, intelligent, accomplished, kind. No one deserves success more than you. Congratulations." He clinked his glass to hers gently, which was a good thing, as she wasn't really able to move.

As he brought the glass to his lips, he finally stopped looking into her eyes, breaking the spell she'd been under. She took a deep sip, and another, trying to calm her thumping heart.

"Thank you," she finally managed to say, though it hardly seemed sufficient. He always had this way of making her feel truly special, and although it usually made her uncomfortable, she cherished every word.

Edward sat back down on the stool next to her and picked up his cutlery. "Thanks for helping me out." After tasting the salmon he continued, "This is perfect. I had no idea you could cook."

She tasted her own and decided, while it still could have been better, it definitely was tasty. "Cooking was my first form of self-expression. I was doing it well before I ever took writing seriously."

"You looked so... at home in there," he said, pointing toward the kitchen with his fork. "It was sort of a pleasure to watch."

Bella scoffed. "It's just cooking, Edward." She shook her head and popped a cherry tomato into her mouth.

"You're kidding, right? I'd love nothing more than to watch you cooking in my kitchen every day." Bella stopped chewing and looked at him, wondering if he was just playing with her, and met his gaze. "It's true," he added. "You looked nice in there."

She couldn't decide if he was being serious, not when he was being charming, so instead she focused on her lunch. She could feel his gaze on her for a few more moments before he too looked away.

After a few more bites he asked, "What about music?"

She was much happier with this topic of conversation. "I don't know, I like most things."

He grinned. "Me, too. I have all different genres and eras. I should show you later." He took another mouthful.

She thought back to the wall of CDs and knew he wasn't lying. There were so many, it looked like he had _every_ album ever made.

"So, we like the same food, books, music... what else?" Edward continued.

"What else is there to like?" Bella asked innocently.

Edward choked on his salmon. He recovered quickly. "I don't know? Cars? What's your favorite car?"

She smiled. "I have a '53 Chevy pickup. It's a classic," she said proudly.

"How is it even still running?" Edward asked.

"I look after it. It's been maintained."

"Well, I think this is definitely something where our tastes differ. I prefer something fast," he arched his eyebrow at her. "Like a Vanquish."

Bella scoffed at his choice. It was such a typical _man_ car. "Well, it would never outlast my truck," she countered.

"Why? Because your truck is slow?" He stared at her intensely, almost challengingly. "Or because it's reliable? Why wouldn't you want to try something that's new?" he questioned her.

Bella shifted her gaze back to her plate. He didn't look like he was talking about cars anymore.

"Just because something is new, doesn't mean it's better. My truck is reliable, but it's also familiar and I love it." She wasn't sure if she was talking about cars now either. Trying to lighten the subject, she smiled and added, "Besides, I'm not Vanquish material. They're too flashy for me."

"You're Vanquish material." He stared at her even more intently.

Her chest started to flutter so she cleared her throat and placed her cutlery on her plate. Again, she found herself changing the subject. "So, what are we going to do until he leaves?"

Edward looked slightly annoyed. "I hadn't planned anything. We can watch a movie? Or just talk?"

Thinking of how awkward their conversation had just gotten, Bella jumped on his first suggestion. "Definitely a movie— I've hardly seen any lately."

They finished their lunch and Edward led her over to the unused couches unable to use the sitting room because of the windows. He fetched an ice bucket and the champagne, then together they chose something non-romantic to watch, settling on an action movie.

While they watched, they sipped champagne and exchanged sideways looks and laughs through some of the more over-dramatic moments. When that movie finished they started another, but turned it off after a while when their conversing held more interest. Edward opened another bottle and they continued to talk like old friends—old friends that had a definite spark between them.

Bella forgot about being worried, or that there was someone downstairs that wanted to catch her at Edward's. She forgot to feel guilty that she was enjoying herself with a man she wasn't married to. Instead, she felt at home, comfortable, and by the end of the second bottle—sensual. Being in Edward's apartment, the rich furnishings and plush couches, gave everything a dreamlike quality, like it was part of a movie. She played her part well, laughing and flirting, wanting him to like her.

Desperately wanting him to like her more than Tanya.

Every time they laughed together, Edward's eyes sparkled with how much he was enjoying himself. Bella loved seeing that look on his face and would do anything to keep it there.

Then all of a sudden he was off the couch and pulling her up by the arms.

"Come on, Ms. Swan, you're drunk. You need to go to bed."

"I'm not that drunk, really." As she said it she swayed and had to lean against him for support. "Okay, maybe I am a little."

Edward wrapped his fingers around her hand, and she sighed as she felt the warmth seeping in. He led her out of the living areas and down a long hallway, and she followed willingly. "You can sleep in the guest room. It has its own bathroom, and there are toiletries there."

She was a little disappointed as it sounded like he wasn't staying with her, but the feeling was fleeting, quickly replaced by fatigue. Following, she fought to remain alert, her eyes drooping as he led her into the room. Once there, she looked around and idly thought of how unkempt it looked. The bed wasn't made up, and a man's shirt was draped over a sitting chair against the far wall.

"Edward, is this your room?" Bella asked, a small part of her curious despite how much she just wanted to climb into the bed.

"No, it's the guest room. My room is at the opposite end of the apartment, off the hall behind the kitchen," he explained as he sat her on the edge of the bed and then crouched down in front of her. His hands slid gently over her skin as he lifted each calf and removed her heels.

Bella tilted her head back, pleasured by the feel of his hands on her, and arched her back as she drew in breath for a yawn. She wriggled her toes in Edward's hands, rubbing them against him. The fog in her head made her slow to comprehend, but even after his words had sunk in she still couldn't understand why the room was this way. Did someone else live with him? She shuffled further into the bed and lay down, stretching out as she asked another question in an effort to clear her confusion. "But the room's all messy. Why's it all messy?" she mumbled, laying her head against the pillow and closing her eyes.

She felt Edward's warm breath against her forehead, followed by his lips as he kissed her goodnight on her cheek. She wished he'd kissed her on the lips, but the thought was lost as she felt herself drifting away to the plains of sleep. Before she completely lost her hold on reality, she heard him whisper in her ear.

"Tanya slept in here last night."

* * *

**A/N: Ooh, evil cliffy. **

**To take the edge off, I'm going to let you know what happens, sort of. Bella goes to sleep. We all know what Edward does while Bella sleeps. Yeah, you can expect a bit of that here, too. **

**If you just rolled your eyes then you probably shouldn't be reading this story, as it's kinda full of clichés (just in case you hadn't already noticed). But you see how up the top it says "fanfiction." Yep. **

**I have a couple of things I have to write in December, so I may not get to the next update super fast. Sorry. The lovely cosmo9 bought my services in the fandomgivesback auction, so I'm going to be slaving away on something special for her. **

**And how cool is this fandom for raising so much fraking money for Alex's Lemonade stand?! If you didn't get to participate this time around, they'll be running it again next year :)**


	15. It Can't Come Quickly Enough

**A/N: There's stuff to say, but I'll say it down below.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

* * *

"Bella?"

Bella cracked her eyes open just enough to try and figure out why she was awake. She was momentarily disoriented as she realized she wasn't where she thought she was. It wasn't her bed she was sleeping in, and it also didn't appear to be her hotel room.

It most certainly wasn't her own hand on her arm either.

"Bella? Are you okay?"

She looked toward the voice she knew was Edward's. It was dark in the room, but she could see his face in muted shades, leaning over her with a worried look. It was then she remembered she was still at Edward's home.

"You were still asleep, weren't you? Sorry. I thought... I thought you called out to me."

Bella inwardly groaned and squeezed her lids closed. She must have been sleep talking. "What did I say?" she asked, unsure whether she even wanted to hear the answer.

"I only heard the last bit, but you said, 'Edward.' And then you said it again, so I thought you needed me or something." His voice was rougher than usual, like he had just been woken up.

Bella relaxed her cringe a fraction. Just saying his name wasn't so bad. Based on some of the stories that Alice had told her in high school, it could have been a lot worse.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I talk in my sleep, always have. Apparently now I yell in my sleep, too."

"You weren't—" Edward stopped abruptly, then shoved his hands in his pockets and looked away.

Noticing his discomfort, Bella propped herself up so that she was almost sitting. "How did you hear me then?"

Edward looked abashed. "I... I fell asleep in here."

_Oh no._

Bella searched her memory for what had happened with Edward. She remembered him leading her into the room, and how he'd helped her into bed. Self-consciously, she wriggled under the sheets and felt that she still had all her clothes on, so she was certain they hadn't done anything together.

"In the bed?" she asked, slightly panicked that she couldn't remember.

"In the chair," he replied, and she breathed a sigh of relief, until she realized what his answer entailed.

"You were sitting in the chair all night?"

He looked uncomfortable and stood up, running his hands down the jeans that he still wore. "I just... I wanted to make sure that you fell asleep okay. I must have dozed off, too." He shook his head. "Sorry, I... I didn't mean to just... watch you."

Bella glanced toward the chair that Edward had been sleeping in and noticed it didn't look very comfortable. It was a little weird that he had sat there while she fell asleep, but she had been a bit drunk. She guessed he could have just been worried. Then she saw the man's shirt still draped across the arm and remembered seeing it last night. Her worries about Edward watching her sleep quickly dissipated as she recalled his words:

"_Tanya slept in here last night."_

If Tanya had slept in the guest room, then she must not have slept with Edward?

Edward was still standing uncomfortably a few feet away from the bed, seemingly waiting for Bella's response.

"You didn't sleep with Tanya?" she asked outright.

He lifted his gaze from where he'd been staring at the floor and met her eyes. "No."

Bella's forehead scrunched up while her sleep-muddled brain tried to make sense of what had happened. He hadn't slept with Tanya? She thought back over the day and tried to remember if he'd ever implied that he had.

He hadn't.

Had she imagined everything?

"Have you ever slept with Tanya?" she asked, before realising it really wasn't any of her business.

"No, never," he answered steadily.

Bella ran her hands through her hair and squeezed, wondering how she could have jumped to those conclusions. At the same time, she again caught sight of the shirt and knew it was the one Tanya had been wearing. She'd been half-naked when Bella had shown up. Whether or not they did sleep together, it certainly looked like they had.

And Edward knew she was coming over.

"Why didn't you say something? Why did you let me think that she was... with you?" she asked him angrily. He had to know that's what she'd thought.

"You're not gonna like this," he hedged.

She laughed at that. "I already don't like it."

Edward ran his hands over his face a few times as if trying to wake up, then walked toward her and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Tanya's a friend," he began. "She stays over sometimes when there are events on. It's... mutually beneficial for us to be seen together," he explained, glancing at Bella from the corner of his eye. She felt an enormous weight lift on hearing his words. They were just friends; he didn't necessarily have a thing for tall, leggy model types. She felt like slapping herself.

Edward continued. "I knew she was staying over and—_stupidly_—I wanted you to see her here. But it wasn't because I was trying to hurt you." He looked up at her with pleading eyes. "I'm sorry if you think that, but...."

Bella stared at him in disbelief. He'd just admitted to having her meet a half-naked woman in his apartment, and yet he expected her to believe he wasn't trying to hurt her.

He saw the look on her face and intervened before she could scream at him. "Look, I've already admitted that it was a rather stupid idea, but... the opportunity was there and I had to take it. I had to know."

"Had to know what? Whether I'd get upset? Whether I'd run off like an idiot!"

"No. Not that." He gave a strangled groan and his hand went to his hair, but he didn't rake it through and pull on the ends like she was expecting. Instead, he roughly rubbed the back of his neck. "I had to see if it hurt you the same as it hurts me," he finished, voice laced with regret, frame hunched in resignation.

She stared at him, almost speechless at his admission. "What hurts you?"

"You with your... bloody husband, that's what. I hate the thought of him... and you..." he sighed again. "Look, I know that I shouldn't have set you up like that but, I guess, I just thought that if I could see that you felt the same way about me, then maybe that would be enough."

Bella leaned back into the cushiony pillows, understanding finally seeping in. It wasn't to hurt her, just to see her reaction. "Why would you do something like that? Why wouldn't you just ask me?"

"Because you can't tell me."

She took offense to that. "I would tell you."

"No, you couldn't. You couldn't tell me if you feel more for me more than for your husband."

Her chest clenched and she shot him a pained look. Edward simply nodded in understanding. He was right, she could _never _say that. Lowering her head, she stared at her hands in her lap, and realized why she couldn't answer him.

She did feel more for Edward.

The evening they'd spent together—everything had been perfect. They had talked and laughed and Bella had wanted that to be the reality. Every time she'd thought of Tanya her heart had sunk.

Taking a deep breath, she looked at him and said, "It hurt. I have no right to feel that way, but it was awful thinking you were with her." She kept breathing steadily, trying very hard to stay in control.

"Now you know how I feel every day," he replied, but it wasn't mocking or mean—it was plaintive.

"That's not right." She shook her head emphatically. "You could have anyone. I can't..." She left the thought unfinished.

"No one else is you, though." And then he was smiling, his perfect lips stretching up and revealing just a hint of the boyishness she cherished.

She supposed he was trying to lighten things up, but she also wasn't ready to let him change the subject.

"Tanya seems nice." Bella really thought she seemed skanky yet extraordinarily beautiful, but she wasn't about to say that. "Have you never wanted to be with her?"

Edward chuckled. "I can't believe I'm about to say this to you." He looked very embarrassed. "I did try, quite thoroughly at the beginning."

Bella put on her best smile and encouraged him further. "What went wrong?"

He moved over on the bed and brought one of his legs up so that he was facing her now. "I'm... er... not really her type," he admitted, absently picking at the quilt cover.

Bella quickly re-evaluated her opinion of Tanya. _Stupid and skanky,_ she decided.

"That's crazy. She obviously has no brain to go along with her looks," she said, somewhat harshly. Edward looked a little hurt and she regretted it straight away.

"No," he continued, "I mean, I'm _really_ not her type. Funny story actually..." He laughed nervously. "We both have a crush on the same woman."

_Oh._

_Oh!_

"Tanya's gay?" she sought clarification.

Edward laughed again. "Yeah, she is. And now you see I wasn't lying when I said she's a fan." He shrugged. "That's why we go to these things together. When the media thinks we're seeing each other, they tend to speculate less...." he trailed off.

Bella felt foolish for jumping to all the conclusions she had earlier about Tanya and Edward. It seemed she'd been mistaken about... everything. Tanya wasn't interested in Edward, and Edward wasn't interested in Tanya. How could she have had it so wrong?

"I guess I just assumed that you would be dating someone glamorous like her," she realized aloud.

"Not likely. I've already said that I'm only interested in you," he responded with a smile. His offhanded comments were making Bella uncomfortable. He seemed so sure, so certain that he only wanted her.

A horrible thought occurred to Bella. "Wait, you have been dating though, right? Please tell me there have been other women."

The question seemed to have caught both of them by surprise. Bella realized she was prying again, but she was worried that he hadn't tried to be with anyone else. Edward just seemed shocked that she'd asked.

"Of course there have been." He glanced at her guiltily. "I'm only human, Bella."

"Sorry, I shouldn't have asked that. What I meant was that... you should be seeing other people. Whatever you feel for me—that can't happen, so you should be out there finding the person who's right for you."

He shifted on the bed before turning back toward her. "You just don't seem to get it. I don't want anyone else. I've tried and it's not the same. You're the person who's right for me." Shaking his head, he continued, "Look, I know you're married, but I can't stop thinking of how good we would be together. And if I don't at least try to be with you, I'll regret that for the rest of my life." He paused, considering his words. "I don't know... maybe I'm just the bad guy? Maybe I'm the arsehole who lusts after another man's wife and can't let it go. But, I swear, I'm only doing it because I know I'd be a better match for you."

"Edward, I..." What was she supposed to say to that? He just told her that he thought he'd be a better partner for her than Mike; a conclusion she herself had only just recently reached. All this time, she'd had these feelings for Edward but hadn't been able to acknowledge them, and now that she was, she was struggling to think clearly. "I'm married," she finished somewhat half-heartedly.

"Does that matter?" he asked and she bristled in response. "I don't mean it like that, I mean, if you weren't, how would you feel about me?"

_I would be in love with you._

"I would want to be with you," she admitted.

"You know, marriages aren't carved in stone." He leaned over then and rubbed her leg gently through the blanket. She stared at his hand on her leg, feeling so much comfort from that simple touch.

For the first time, Bella considered the possibility that she might leave her husband for another man.

Edward seemed to sense she needed the time to think. "I should let you get some sleep." He leaned over further and kissed her cheek goodnight, causing Bella's heart to start racing. "Goodnight," he said, before leaving the room and closing the door behind him.

* * *

Bella tried to get to sleep, but her mind would not stop tormenting her.

The more she thought about what Edward had said, the more she wanted to believe that he was right—they _should_ be together. Everything about them seemed to match. _Everything except our lifestyles,_ she realized with disappointment. But should that one divergence be enough to stop her from being with him?

_Mike._

Okay, should those two be enough? She knew Mike should be, and had been for over a year now. But that was before she knew how Edward felt—how _she_ felt—before she'd come to think they were a better match.

Before she'd admitted to herself how much she cared for Edward.

Her relationship with Mike had never been a passionate romance, but she did love him. He'd been her rock and her friend—a huge part of her life. But now, that just didn't seem like enough. Not when her feelings for Edward were so much stronger.

Still, she wasn't just going to jump to any decisions. Bella knew what "new love" felt like. It was uncharted territory, exciting and fresh, every touch and kiss inciting a wave of anticipation. She now knew that was what she'd felt when she first met Edward—the merest physical touch enough to spark her desire. Was that still how she felt?

His touch now felt like more than a spark, almost as if their souls were joining. And over the last few days, she'd found there was nothing teenagerish about her feelings for him anymore. Now she felt like they were fated to be together, that they really were, as Edward had described them all that time ago, perfectly matched.

When she thought about it that way, staying with Mike was not the right thing to do at all. He would never be enough for her now. And as long as she felt this strongly for Edward, she could never be enough for Mike either. Mike deserved someone who felt more for him—someone who could love him how he deserved to be loved.

He deserved passion.

Bella took a deep breath and reached her conclusions.

_I can't stay with Mike._

It wasn't as horrifying to admit as she thought it would be. In a way, maybe she always thought that day would come. After what happened with her parents and their early divorce, marriage had always seemed fallible to her, but she did hope it would be different in her case. With a pang of resentment, Bella realized how pleased her mother would likely be at the news. Renée had never thought Mike was good enough for her daughter. Bella wondered how she would react to Edward.

Instead of following that thought and adding to her worries, she focused on her other decision.

_I want to be with Edward._

* * *

Bella stretched out in the comfortable bed, the moment of bliss preceding the feeling of guilt that rushed at her when she remembered her night. In the harsh light of day, her decision to leave her husband felt much more impulsive. She tried not to panic as she climbed out of bed.

On the chair, there was a folded towel and some clothes that looked to be Edward's. She appreciated his thoughtfulness, despite feeling self-conscious that he'd been back in the room while she slept.

There really were toiletries for her to use. Bella now felt no resentment at knowing they were Tanya's, and instead breathed a sigh of relief that there was a new toothbrush and toothpaste, soap and shampoo. She ran the shower and stepped in, all the while going over everything she had thought about last night.

At some point in the early morning, she must have fallen asleep. She thought back over the night and could only recall deciding she wanted to be with Edward. Apparently that thought had been enough to relax her into slumber, but the mere recollection of it now had her heart palpitating.

What happened now? Should she wait until she was back in Forks to tell Edward? Or should she let him know while she was still here?

She scrubbed as she worried, but when her skin tone began resembling her old blushing complexion, she turned off the water and stepped out, resolving to be as mature about her behavior as possible. She would talk to him. Pulling on Edward's clothes, she spared a thought of forgiveness for Tanya whom she'd judged so harshly, before finding her way back into the living area.

Edward was seated on one of the stools at the kitchen counter, sipping at a mug and flipping the pages in the paper that Bella had brought with her the day before. Not wanting to sneak up on him, she cleared her throat.

"Um, thanks for the clothes," she muttered, hoping he couldn't discern the slight tremble in her voice.

Edward spun around in his stool and smiled—boyishly—before taking in her dishevelled appearance.

"Austin is going to organise to have some other clothes—something more fitting—brought around." He chuckled at his pun. "I'll make you a drink—tea?" he asked.

Bella smiled her first genuine smile all morning. "Yes, please," she answered, making her way over to her stool.

Edward found a mug and began to strain the brew into it. "James left at about 4 am. They didn't want to call and wake us last night. So, you're free to go whenever you want to." He finished pouring and returned the teapot to its trivet, then looked to Bella expectantly. "But you are also free to stay," he suggested and followed with a crooked smile.

For a moment, Bella was stunned by the reality of the situation. She could have him: _Edward freaking Cullen!_ It was something she had only dreamed about, and yet, here he was within her reach. She was tempted to ignore all the other obstacles just so she could revel in being with him. Then she remembered how she'd resolved to be more mature.

"I think I'd like that," she said.

"So, did you give any more thought to what we talked about last night?" he asked hopefully, sliding the mug across the counter to her.

"I did," she answered, accepting her drink.

"And?"

She took a deep breath. "I'm going to leave Mike." To her relief, Edward didn't smile. "You're right," she began to explain. "I feel more for you than I do for him—than I've _ever_ felt for him—and he deserves better than that."

Edward reached out and grabbed her hand, gently squeezing it soothingly. She watched his movement, once more amazed by how comforting his gestures felt.

"Have you given any more thought to us?"

Her eyes flicked up to his and again, she had to pause and take a breath. "I wanted to talk to you about that." He looked at her expectantly so she opened the floodgates. "How would we even work? I mean, our lives are so completely different. I don't want to leave Forks and you have this apartment and all of your work is here. I could never do what Tanya does and walk down a red carpet—"

"I can work from anywhere," he cut in. "And I don't even like going to those things." He was obviously frustrated and his hand flew to his hair, but he stopped at the last minute and instead scratched harshly at his neck.

"Why don't you run your fingers through your hair anymore? You used to do it all the time." It was Bella's favorite mannerism of his and she missed it.

He sighed. "I try not to now because it just feels too contrived. Every photo shoot and interview—I have to do it at least once, sometimes dozens of times... See, that's exactly the sort of thing that makes me not want to stay. I could move away from it all and be like Johnny Depp or something. Film the movie, do the promo, go back home."

Bella let out an amused snort.

"I could," he reiterated. "And you wouldn't have to stay in Forks. We could find somewhere new—somewhere it can be just us." He sounded like he had put a lot of thought into that suggestion.

"You've been thinking about this?" she asked.

He shrugged and smiled guiltily. "Maybe for a little while. I'm convinced it can work—that _we_ can work." He looked so serious that she felt herself believing him.

"Okay, so we move to another part of the country. I'm still never going to be that woman on your arm."

His expression changed to cheeky. "So I'll just keep taking Tanya. Come on, Bella. You don't need to over-think this one. Us being together—it's the most natural thing in the world."

His reached over and brought her hand to his lips, then brushed them back and forth against her skin. Every niggling worry she still had melted away.

"Okay," she finally agreed.

The way he looked when she said those words was the happiest she had ever seen him. He released her hand and left his side of the counter, all the while keeping his eyes trained on her. When he reached her side he brought his hand to the nape of her neck, gently running his thumb up and down.

"Please say I can kiss you now."

Bella's heart skipped a beat. "This is really happening, isn't it?" She shook her head slightly but couldn't tear her eyes away from his.

Of course she _wanted_ to kiss him. She hadn't forgotten what it was like last time, and the feel of his lips on her hand was entirely persuasive. But this was it—this was the point where she made her decision real. As she continued to stare into his eyes, she saw all the hope and happiness in Edward's and his confidence in _them_ gave her courage.

Instead of giving him permission, she leant forward, smiling slightly at the hint of surprise on Edward's face, and brought her lips to his.

They kissed simply to begin with, too pleased to do much more. Every press of lips was followed by awed stares and uncontrollable smiles.

As elation steadily gave way to desire, their kisses became deeper. Bella briefly wondered if she should draw a line at some point and put a stop to what they were doing, but she couldn't find the will.

In her mind, she was Edward's now.

He dragged his lips along her jaw and down to her neck. "I've always wanted to kiss you here," he growled softly. "Like this." She felt his mouth open and his teeth graze her skin while his mouth gently sucked. "And this," he said, moving his lips up to her earlobe. When his mouth returned to hers there was no question of holding back.

Now they kissed fervently, and while before, Bella had confined her hands to his face and arms, now she gave them free reign and threaded them through his hair—something she'd wanted to do for so long now. Then she roamed lower, over his firm back, relishing feeling his movements. She trailed them lower still, not even certain of where she was headed until she reached them.

His abs. She made sure she had him engaged in kissing, then snuck her hands under his shirt and ran them across the defined muscles. Edward stopped kissing her and pulled away, definitely taken aback by her action. She chewed her bottom lip sheepishly and his face split with a huge grin.

"Oh thank Christ," he said, and immediately slipped his own hands up her shirt. Of course, she had no bra on, so it was quickly followed by his groan at discovering that fact.

He gently cupped her in his hands, his closeness inciting all manner of thoughts to come to mind. "Is this okay?" he asked, pausing for her response.

Bella was overwhelmed with lust and she didn't want him to stop. "Uh huh," she managed to get out, and when he resumed, so did she. Her hands ran up over his bare chest and his sides, his shirt annoying her by getting in the way. She wanted him to take it off.

She knew she was going further than she would have thought possible only minutes ago. And on some level she was aware that, even though she had given herself to Edward, she was still cheating on her husband. But nothing she was doing felt wrong. So she tugged on his shirt, letting him know she needed it gone, and again Edward pulled away to look at her with surprise.

"Just how far are we gonna take this, Bella? 'Cause right now, I really want you in my room." His chest was heaving slightly. Bella noticed hers was too.

She deliberated for a moment. Did she really want this? _Yes. _Could she go through with it? Her eyes ran back down over Edward's chest and she pictured him naked in her mind. She was pretty sure that was a yes_._ Could she live with herself afterward?

She hoped so.

"Me too," she answered.

Edward didn't smile as he grabbed her hand and began to lead her toward the other end of the apartment. The end she hadn't seen before. _His bedroom_, she realized.

When they reached a doorway, Edward opened it and drew her in behind him. She glanced around, noticing a large wrought iron bed but little else as Edward soon regained her attention.

He lifted his shirt off her. "You're so perfect," he said quietly, raking his eyes over her chest.

She was standing in front of him, bare from the waist up, but she didn't feel the least bit uncomfortable. He ran his hands from her neck, down her shoulders and arms, then back up along her waist. It was almost reverent in nature, and again, he made her feel that way. She wanted to reciprocate so she began lifting his shirt up again and he pulled it over his head.

She also took her time. "I've wanted to do this ever since I saw you without your shirt on." It was such a short time ago that she was amazed she was touching him. She discovered a small mole and it unwillingly brought an image of Mike's chest to her mind. Not wanting to continue to think that way, she distracted herself by kissing Edward.

Eventually their hands strayed lower. Edward slipped his into the boxers she was wearing.

"Jesus," he exclaimed when he discovered she had nothing under those either. She smiled into his chest at his response. "I need you in my bed, like, right now." He picked her up, causing her to let out a surprised yelp, and carried her the few short feet. As soon as he laid her down, he began gently pulling his boxers from her hips, his expression returning to worshipful.

"You have no idea how many times I wished I was doing this," he said, again lightly trailing his hands over her thighs. Every sweep he made over her body made her want more. Then lips replaced his fingertips and he placed firm kisses on her chest and over her breasts. Just when she thought she was going to have to ask him, he finally stood up and undid his jeans, sliding them down and taking his boxers with them.

Bella tried not to stare.

She hadn't seen another man naked in close to a decade, but there was hardly room in her thoughts for that fact. She'd thought Edward in a suit was a sight to see, but Edward naked was much, much better.

He crawled back over her and resumed his kisses along her body: up her thigh, over her stomach, and back above her chest.

"You can't imagine how this feels," Bella told him. As if her heavy breathing wasn't enough of a giveaway.

He deliberately pressed his erection into her thigh. "I think I might have an idea," he murmured against her skin. "But I don't have to imagine anymore," he replied glancing up at her, a distinctly seductive smile in place. Bella couldn't help but grin, but it quickly disappeared when he moved his hand down between her legs.

She was more than ready for him.

He eased away from her, smiling apologetically as he went and riffled around in his bedside drawer. He found a condom, opened it and rolled it on, looking sheepish when he realized she was watching. In a way, it was perfect, because it lightened the mood a bit. He crawled back over to her, the grin looking decidedly more seductive. She couldn't help but return it.

He came back to her and resumed his kisses, but she was impatient, so she wrapped her leg around his thigh, hoping to prompt him into action. He was nestled between her legs now, his expression strained when he looked back to her. Meeting his gaze, she made certain he could see how much she wanted him. She licked her lips and pressed against him, eliciting a soft moan from both of them. Carefully, he moved so that they were ready, then slowly pushed into her.

Their kisses had stopped, and so had the rest of the world as they lay still, joined completely, their breathing the only sound they could hear. Bella was again amazed by how right it felt, being with him like this. Her mind was wiped clean of all previous worries, of any anxiety she felt earlier because _this _was where she belonged. Then Edward's breaths became more strained and he began to move.

They touched and kissed and were _together. _Time lost all relevance; instead their moments were measured by the meeting of their bodies, the words whispered in ears. When they were both close, Edward gripped the leg that she had wrapped around him and thrust deeper inside, filling Bella the way she desired, giving her the release she so desperately needed.

Edward followed straight away then collapsed on top of her, murmuring into her neck. After a few moments, Bella finally understood what he'd been saying.

"_I never want to let you go."_

* * *

**A/N: Surprised? Probably not.**

**The first draft of this was all kinds of awful, so big, HUGE thanks to Furious Kitten and Brianna for even reading that, and then for telling me it could be better. Also to Mopstyle, my uber-wonderful zesty consultant, for her honest opinion (get better soon, bb). She writes some of the best lemons I've ever read in A Priori. Unfy times. Also thanks to Revrag for her input, Roo for validating, and the rehabers (miss you!).**

**Shit, I really didn't want this to be a huge A/N but it's gonna happen... I need to thank some pimps: Angel, ineedyoursway (happy birthday!), Uggy, someone over at RAoR, maybebymonday... I think that's everyone??? Thank you!**

**Also, there's now a thread over at Twilighted (thanks FK!). Link is on my profile :)**

**Idk when the next update will be coming. I have some stressful RL stuff coming up and I'm still working on Cosmo's auction piece. But you know, it's coming. **

**Happy new year!**


	16. Longing and Leaving

**A/N: Thanks to everyone for being so patient! The last month has just been ridiculously busy for me. I apologise if I didn't get to reply to your review, but I just ran out of time. Thank you for leaving me your thoughts.**

**As usual, big thanks to Brianna and Furious Kitten for the beta work and input. I owe them so much more than mere credit in the A/N. I hope the karmic forces appreciate what they are doing. Thanks to the rehabers for all their support (get better soon, SBA), to Beautiful Distraction for taking over the validating of Jugg, and to Roo for all the time she has spent on this story.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

* * *

The reality of the situation came crashing down on Bella as Edward continued to mumble into the pillow beside her head. She heard what he was saying but didn't let it register until they were finished—the point of no return.

"_I never want to let you go."_

Those words were enough to jolt her back into reality. She _had_ to go. She had to go home and fix things so she could be with Edward.

She had to leave his apartment.

Instead of voicing her concerns, she trailed her hand up his side until it came to rest on his shoulder blade, relishing the feel of his damp, flushed skin. She didn't want to let him go either.

He started to shift away from her and then lifted his head so she could see his eyes. He looked so happy and almost relieved as he smiled just for her. He pulled further away and left the bed for a moment to clean up, smiling apologetically to let her know it was only out of necessity. When he returned, he lay down beside her and propped himself up on his elbow, then pulled her tight into his side. She willingly complied.

"I don't think I can live without you now." He ran his free hand across her stomach and in between her breasts, then used it to pull her chin toward him so he could kiss her again. She felt certain of his feelings when he touched her body; he was genuinely affectionate.

She snuggled into his side. "You can," she whispered while placing a soft, slow kiss on his chest, leaving out the bit where he had to—at least for a while.

"No I can't, I tried. There's nothing for me in a world without you, just emptiness." His hand moved back up her side and he absently ran it over her breast, looking lost in thought. "If you hadn't called that day.... Let's just say, I was close to leaving and going to South America or something, maybe Italy." He grinned while he outlined her belly button. "Maybe Forks," he added, smirking.

She smiled at him, glad that he'd never done anything like that. Then she tried to be serious again.

"I have to leave though. I have to finish the tour and go home to Mike." Edward visibly winced when she mentioned his name. "You know I can't leave him over the phone."

Rather than replying, Edward drew her in even closer, holding her tight. She wrapped her arm around his neck and gripped him, trying in vain not to lose that feeling, where the only thing that mattered was the two of them.

She drew a deep breath into her lungs in a last effort to drown out the persistent thoughts. Edward rubbed her side, comforting her out of the impending panic so that she could think rationally.

"It's going to kill him," she admitted, feeling the lead in her stomach solidifying. "It will hurt him so much. And then I'll have to leave Forks, because no one will forgive me." She didn't mention her father, though that was who her thoughts turned to first. It was too devastating to talk about how disappointed Charlie was going to be in her.

"They'll come around eventually." Edward kept rubbing gently.

He made it sound so simple, like everything truly would work out in the end; that they could be happy together, even after destroying Mike, disappointing Charlie—disappointing everyone. _Well, maybe not everyone_, she mused. Eric would be smug—satisfied that he'd called her out so early. The Crowleys might appreciate an excuse to end their friendship, finally able to remove Tyler's awkward first time from their family gatherings. Lauren... she'd probably move back and try to get together with Mike. Bella's stomach clenched at the thought.

"You're worrying too much," Edward muttered. His hand had stopped stroking her and instead his fingers were now gripping her, betraying his own misgivings. "Finish your tour, go home, tell him, then come straight back to me." He paused. "I'll book you a flight."

She scoffed, trying to sound amused, but she knew he was serious. "You don't have to do that." When he still didn't relax, she sought to reassure him further. She stared up at him earnestly. "I will come back to you."

His brow furrowed slightly as he searched her eyes, looking for her sincerity. His hand left her side and he brought it up to her face, lovingly running it along her cheek. Then he kissed her, bringing their lips together and again pushing all the unwanted thoughts from Bella's mind. When he pulled away, he firmly said, "You have to." And he kissed her again, making Bella's heart speed back up to where it was only minutes ago. "You are my life now."

He rolled them so that he was again above her, spreading kisses all over her mouth and neck, passionate and desperate. All too soon they would be apart again, and she would have to find the strength to face up to what she'd done. So she clung to him, wanting to memorise everything about their moments together, needing to.

Their kisses slowed until they were just holding each other, lips pressed together but not moving. They breathed the same air and felt their hearts beat between them. With their eyes closed, nothing else in their world existed. It was incredibly peaceful.

Edward spoke against her lips. "I know you have to leave. But promise me—promise me you'll come back." She opened her eyes and found him staring at her. He looked almost frightened.

"I promise," she said, and felt him relax as he again closed his eyes.

* * *

Edward pushed a steaming mug of tea across the counter. "What would you like for breakfast?"

Bella smiled, remembering his attempt at making lunch. "I can just get something on my way back to the hotel."

He got a look on his face like he was dealing with an impetuous teenager. "Well, if you're going to wait for clothes, then you need to eat something. I can make you eggs." The corner of his mouth twisted up. "You do like eggs, don't you?"

He was teasing her. If he liked eggs, of course she did, too.

She smiled as she answered him. "I do."

He set about making scrambled eggs, explaining how his mom taught him when he was a teen because he was always so hungry. She'd wanted him to be able to cook at least one thing for himself because she needed a break. The story made Bella smile, and then she wondered if she would ever go to England with him to meet his parents. Would Edward ever come to Forks and meet Charlie? What would happen if they ran into Mike while they were there?

Her face blanched.

"You're doing it again." A brief look of frustration flashed across his face but was quickly replaced by understanding.

"Sorry, it's just... hard." She didn't want to mention how she was worried about Mike, knowing that wouldn't be what Edward would want to hear. So instead she just watched as he stirred the eggs one last time before placing them on to the plates next to some toast. Once he was finished, he pushed them across the counter and walked around to join her.

As soon as he was seated, he surprised her by reaching across and placing his hand on her thigh. It was a gesture both comforting and unnerving at the same time. When Bella and Mike ate breakfast, they sat on opposite sides of the table so they had room for the newspaper and milk. Having Edward so close relaxed her, but still, it felt unfamiliar. _It shouldn't feel unfamiliar. _She was beginning to question her judgement. What if this wasn't right? She flinched when the physical pain that thought induced hit her.

Edward glanced at her from the side of his eye. "Are you okay?"

Guilt—painful guilt—was overwhelming her. As much as she'd tried to keep it down and not show Edward any regret, this was too much. Every time she noticed some faint similarity or difference, every time she considered how her life would be now, she was acknowledging her guilt. And now, she realized with sparkling clarity that she should have stopped them from going so far. Why hadn't she stopped them?

She knew her face was scrunched up, showing Edward all the self-loathing she was experiencing, but she couldn't stop.

"Bella, don't do this to yourself."

Her eyes snapped to him, panicked and scared, as she voiced her mistake. "We should have waited."

Edward abruptly put down his fork, his jaw setting the way it had that night in the taxi after dinner. "You know what? We did wait." He heaved a frustrated sigh, and this time, he did rake his hands through his hair. "You can't regret what we did...." He trailed off and his fiery burst seemed to drain from his body. His whole posture—the slump in his shoulders, the way his hands left his hair—it was almost defeated. And that just made everything worse, because now no one was happy.

Gently, she brought her hand to his back and tried to comfort him. It was one thing for her to feel awful, but Edward didn't have to carry that too. "I can't stop myself from feeling bad about this," she admitted, not wanting to lie to him. "But just because I feel bad doesn't mean I regret us. I feel bad for Mike—that I'm going to hurt him, that I didn't do the right thing by him and end the marriage first. And now I'm going to have to tell him what happened." She slid her hand down to Edward's and joined them.

He gripped her tightly and met her eyes. "Don't tell him." Bella was taken aback by his words and looked confused. Edward rushed on. "He doesn't need to know about this. You're right—you're going to hurt him just by leaving. He doesn't need this to be thrown in his face as well." He lifted their joined hands, showing her what he meant. "Just... tell him the marriage isn't working and then come back here. We can be discreet, and then in a few months time, after everything has blown over, we can be a couple. Telling him that you slept with me is only going to make him feel worse."

Bella looked away, ashamed that she was even considering what he was saying. The idea that Edward didn't want Mike to hurt any more than necessary was unexpected, but what he was saying made sense. Leaving Mike would hurt him, but leaving him for another man would make him doubt himself, have him wondering why he wasn't enough. She didn't want to make him feel worse just so she could feel she'd done the morally correct thing by admitting her infidelity. Edward was right.

"Okay," she agreed, and felt a fresh wave of guilt with how relieved the decision made her.

He gave her a quick smile before turning his attention back to his breakfast. Bella pushed hers aside.

After Edward finished breakfast, they cleaned up and then headed to the couch to talk. Bella wanted to somehow learn everything about him that she didn't already know, so she bombarded him with questions. They curled up together—her in his boxers and baggy shirt, him in his jeans—and revelled in their closeness. Within these walls, she was free to caress his stomach and hair, and she took advantage of that, knowing that as soon as she left, it would be the last time she could do it for weeks.

Eventually, Edward received a call letting him know that her replacement clothes were there. Bella could've just left in the outfit she'd worn the day before, but somehow she felt that would make her behaviour even more unseemly, so she accepted Edward's offer without her usual fuss. After a few minutes there was a knock on the door, and they begrudgingly separated themselves so he could answer it.

After unlocking and opening the door, a young red-headed woman stepped inside, greeting Edward respectably. He'd explained earlier that she was a friend of Austin's—someone from the same line of work. Austin hadn't come himself, hoping that the rumour of Edward being out of town was still effective. This woman had the same professional air about her that Austin did—efficient and competent.

"Hi, I'm Katie, pleased to meet you," she addressed Bella as she placed a large boutique shopping bag on the table. She smiled in Bella's direction, but there was something not quite right about it. Bella felt so exposed, like the young woman could see straight through her. She had to know what Bella had done; how could she not? She was bringing clothes for Bella to Edward's house. The shame was excruciating, but Bella kept her chin high.

Katie didn't miss a beat as she went about her job. She pulled out the outfit she'd selected, holding it up for Bella's approval. Bella simply nodded, again getting a weird feeling from the way Katie looked at her. Outwardly, there was nothing untoward, but still...

"Thank you," Bella muttered.

Katie turned her eyes back to Bella and responded, "No problem." She wasn't hostile and it wasn't mean, but Bella still gave herself a point. Because she now knew what she was picking up on.

She was being judged.

And it felt horrible.

Bella slumped against the couch as Edward and Katie exchanged more pleasantries. The next thing she was aware of was Edward's arms coming around her, pulling her in close.

"She won't say anything, Bella. Austin said she's completely trustworthy."

Bella drew in a painful breath, again fighting off giving in to tears. "It's not that," she started, "it was the way she looked at me. She knows I'm married, and she has to know what I was doing here." Her eyes went wide as yet another consequence of what she'd done occurred to her. "Every time someone looks at me, they'll have that same look in their eyes."

He didn't refute her, just pulled her in closer, and she took more comfort from that than she felt she should be allowed.

* * *

Bella wasn't in a rush to leave Edward's apartment, but she knew sooner or later she would have to walk through that door and not see him again until after she left Mike. They kissed and caressed like new lovers, but nothing more. Bella couldn't excuse herself from doing that again.

Their last few hours together were not the easy-going interaction they'd had before. Every time Bella would begin to enjoy herself, she'd feel the guilt creeping back and have to change the topic so she could head off those thoughts. Edward tentatively made plans to put Austin to work finding a storage facility and movers for all of Bella's things. She thought that maybe he was trying to set her mind at ease, letting her know that he would help anyway he could. It helped a little.

Around five, Edward commented on her schedule, knowing that she had an interview the next day.

"I guess I have to go." She was nestled between his legs, both of them lying back on his couch, his arms wrapped around her. Instead of standing up though, she nestled in deeper.

"You should," he said into her hair. He held onto her tightly and sat them both up together. At first, she thought he was going to force her to leave, but then his lips were on her neck and the side of her face. She twisted around to kiss him properly and for minutes they sat there, making out frantically. Bella had disjointed thoughts of how it would be so much easier if she could just stay with him like that, because while she was kissing him, she didn't think about anyone else.

As if the world was trying to tell her something, Bella's phone rang—loud and clear, incessantly telling her to stop what she was doing. She obeyed, scrambling away from Edward, leaving his arms outstretched in her wake. She quickly headed in the direction of the noise, needing to make it stop and found the terrifying object lying atop the counter. Even before she picked it up, she knew who it was. _Mike._

"Hello," she answered unsteadily, scared about how much Mike would be able to perceive from her voice.

"Hey, Bells," he greeted her. "I hadn't heard from you yet so I thought I'd give you a call. How's your day?"

Bella's face blanched and she sent a panicked glance to Edward. He motioned that she should talk, so she did. "Umm, good. I guess? Not much is happening." She wasn't prepared for this conversation. She _should_ have been prepared. "I have that interview tomorrow so I'm just having a quiet night." She sent a stricken look to Edward. He stood up and walked toward her, giving her arm a reassuring squeeze as he passed her by on his way out of the room. He was leaving her alone.

"I still can't believe you haven't done anything to celebrate. And now you have to work tomorrow—you missed your opportunity."

Bella was still stunned that Edward had abandoned her like that. She couldn't keep the hurt from seeping through into her voice. "I can still do something later."

"Yeah, when you get back; Steak with Charlie—I almost forgot."

Bella felt the panic welling up inside her again. She had no idea how to answer him. If she agreed, then he'd think everything was fine and then be blind-sided when she left him. On the other hand, she didn't want him to worry that anything was wrong.

"Maybe," she replied, her voice lacking any substance.

"Are you okay, Bells? You sound a bit down."

Normally, she'd be able to say that yes, she did feel down, that she missed being around him, his smile, and his humour. But again she found she couldn't tell him those things. "I guess I miss home." That wasn't a lie—no matter how much she was dreading going back.

"Well, you'll be home soon, okay. Not too much longer." He sighed loudly, sounding like he missed her too. That made her chest hurt even more.

"I should go," she said, wanting to end the call before she did something stupid like crying. "I still have a bit of preparation for tomorrow..."

"Yeah, okay, of course. I'll call you tomorrow?"

"Okay. I'll talk to you in the morning." She paused. This was the point where she should tell him she loved him. But suddenly, it felt so wrong to say those words. Not because she had stopped loving him, but because it wasn't in the way he thought she did.

She had to say it. "I love you."

"I love you too, baby. I'll talk to you later."

He hung up the phone just as Bella slumped down on the floor, overwhelmed by the gaping hole she could suddenly feel in her chest. She wrapped her arms around her knees, drawing them to her and trying hard to keep the tears at bay.

"Are you okay?" Edward reappeared next to her, his hand running up and down her arm, soothing her. He hadn't been there.

"I wished you'd stayed." She kept her jaw clenched, but it didn't stop her voice from shaking.

Edward's hand stopped moving. "Shit. I just... I thought it would be easier for you if I wasn't here."

Bella swallowed and took in his words but couldn't decide if he was right. What she did know was that she needed his support. She leaned into him, sighing as his arms enveloped her, letting him soothe her as she worried about how she was going to cope without him.

* * *

Bella kept delaying leaving Edward, not wanting their time together to end now that she realised how hard everything would be without him there. After she'd calmed down, they spent more time surrounding themselves in each other. She'd run her hands through his hair so much, she was certain he'd get annoyed, but if he had, he never said anything.

She changed into the clothes that Katie had brought for her and stuffed her others into her satchel, feeling a touch of relief that she didn't carry a smaller bag. Then it came time for her to put on the shoes. She slipped the first heel on and Edward made a noise almost like a low growl behind her. She whipped around.

"What?" she asked, worried that she'd done something wrong.

"You have no idea what those shoes do to me."

Bella scoffed and went about putting the other one on.

"I'm serious. You had this whole cute thing going on with those little shoes you used to wear, but these—these are very sexy." He got down on his knees as if to inspect her calves. "No idea." He ran his hand up her leg, almost tickling her with his light touch. She pretended to brush him off, but then he looked up at her, his eyes dark and full of lust.

It made her heart skip.

Instead of pushing him away, she grabbed his hand and pulled, showing him she wanted him to stand up. The look he had on his face—that was why she hadn't waited.

They kissed again, hungry and frantic and filled with longing. Thankfully Edward pulled away, because Bella wasn't certain she could have.

He still had his arms around her as he looked into her eyes.

"Come back to me."

"I will," she promised and leaned back in to kiss him once more on the lips. "I love you."

It slipped out effortlessly, as though the words were just waiting for their chance.

Edward's eyes lit up and his mouth came straight back to hers. In between kisses, he managed to say, "I love you, too."

She hadn't planned on saying it, had even thought she shouldn't until they were able to be together. But now that she had finally voiced what she felt, it dawned on her that she had no doubt about it. All the things she was worried about—the details, the newness—didn't really matter, because they were in love. She found new strength with that thought.

Once again, she pulled away, although this time they were both smiling instead of looking as though they were losing part of their soul. Bella straightened her new clothes and her hair, then shouldered her satchel.

Edward ran the back of his hand along her face. "I'll see you soon, okay?" There was a definite sternness in his voice.

"Soon," she agreed and again kissed him lightly.

Having finally succeeded in saying farewell, Edward walked Bella over to the door. It was a much better parting then she could ever have hoped for—both of them riding high from their first verbal exchanges of love. They shared one last secret smile before Bella stepped over the threshold, shutting the door on Edward and heading back into the real world.

She patiently waited for the lift and felt at peace with her decision. Yes, things were going to be hard. Yes, she was going to hurt Mike. But now she was certain that she was making the right decision.

As the lift descended, she began to even rationalise away some of her guilt concerning Mike. Although she'd never seen his optimism badly shaken, she knew he'd recover, as he just wasn't the type to be down for too long. There was also no shortage of women in Forks that saw him as prime husband material. Bella smiled as she realised how odd it was that the thought of Mike finding another woman was comforting.

When she reached the lobby, she shyly avoided greeting the doorman, feeling embarrassed that he was aware she'd spent the night. _And most of the day. _Once she had finally escaped out into the busy streets, she felt like she could handle everything.

The coffee shop stood out like a beacon in the night. She waited for a lull in traffic so she could cross, wanting nothing more than to enjoy the comforting warmth of a creamy latte. It was the perfect end to her day, something to add to the high she was still floating around on from her last moments with Edward.

After receiving her order, and leaving a very large tip, she held the paper cup tightly with both hands and turned to leave. A tall man wearing a baseball cap entered, looking around and blocking the doorway. He stopped when he was facing her direction and it felt like he was staring, but she couldn't be certain with his dark sunglasses obscuring his eyes. Then he smiled, and for some reason that made her really uncomfortable. Finally he moved aside and she quickly ducked past him, glad to be on her way.

She'd only made it a few feet when she remembered the creepy grin.

He'd never left at all.

* * *

**A/N: As a show of gratitude to readers, several authors have promised to update on February 28th. I've signed up because I think you're all awesome, so you'll get another update this month. I know, shocking! Details can be found here:**

**http://theficbridge[DOT]blogspot[DOT]com/2010/02/grateful-to-readers[DOT]html (don't forget to add in actual dots)**

**Thanks to everyone who nominated "Rough Seas" for the Mid-Length Eddie! It was completely unexpected and very much appreciated. **

**Next chapter we're back in Forks. Only a few chapters left.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	17. Readers Are Awesome!

**A/N: It's the 28th in my part of the world so... Thank you to EVERYONE who reads this! Without you, writing wouldn't be nearly as rewarding as it is. All of your comments and alerts never fail to bring a smile to my face. Enjoy your day of too many updates ;)**

**Thanks to Furious Kitten and Brianna for all their help with this chapter (twice). Also thanks to revrag, mopstyle and ineedyoursway for pre-reading and offering advice. And finally, thanks to Beautiful_Distraction for being the best validator a girl could ask for.**

**This chapter has a song! I'm excited because I never get to do this. It's in no way essential, but I listened to it a lot when thinking about this. Psychopomp by The Tea Party.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

* * *

The picture was printed on the day Bella flew out for the rest of her tour. It was hardly anything—a well-dressed woman walking out of a building wearing a smile. It was most definitely Bella, her face clear for all the world to see, and she regretted forgetting the sunglasses that may have at least obscured her identity. Apart from who it was and where she was going though, there was nothing even remotely incriminating about the shot.

If it weren't for one small matter, Bella could easily have explained the image by saying she'd gone to visit Edward; after all, Mike had even suggested it at one point. But she had explicitly said she was _not_ going to see him—that she was having a quiet night in. Mike would know she was lying.

She waited to see if the photo was even printed before calling him, not wanting to out herself unnecessarily. At the airport, she'd taken calls from both Edward and Angela. Edward had wanted to warn her that the shot had been printed, and she was relieved that he had contacted her first. It meant she was ready when Angela called. Bella was able to pretend nothing had happened with Edward, and calmly accepted advice on how to cope with the unwanted attention.

By the time Bella was ready to speak to Mike, she was well and truly guilt-ridden.

She called him just before she boarded her flight. As per her decision not to tell Mike about sleeping with Edward, she lied. Her story was that she'd decided to stop in for a quick visit, and that the accompanying account about her being there all night was all rubbish.

He'd been understanding.

He was _always_ understanding.

"Don't worry, Bells," he'd said. "I know those media people are just out to get the big movie stars."

He didn't sound as assured as he had before, but he didn't sound as though he doubted her either. He was being so rational, he couldn't possibly think she'd done anything wrong.

When in reality, she had.

Having survived explaining the picture, she'd completed the rest of her tour, continuing to clarify that she was friends with Edward and denying anything more. She moved like a robot through those days, dreading returning home as much as one dreads impending death.

When she finally arrived back in Forks, she found it mostly unchanged. Lauren had left in an attempt to conquer Hollywood. Bella still felt relieved by the thought she no longer had to worry about Lauren telling people about her affair, even though it hardly mattered now. She was going to end her marriage herself.

At least, that was the plan.

But Bella was finding that plans rarely go the way you intend them to.

* * *

Bella towel dried her hair roughly, still annoyed by her last conversation with Edward. Nothing had gone the way she had expected since she'd returned home, and she was finding precious few things to smile about. But she could usually count on Edward. Not this time though. He was getting more and more frustrated by her delays. It had only been two weeks since she returned. What did he expect?

Although she'd been determined to end it with Mike, he wasn't quite right when she returned. She couldn't put her finger on what was wrong with him. He didn't seem overtly sad or angry—there was just something that was a bit off, like he'd lost some of his shine. She'd decided to give him a few days before she broke the news, just in case.

Living with him was easier than she thought it would be. They hadn't been intimate since she returned, which was unusual for them, but Bella _had_ been going out of her way to avoid it. She sensed Mike knew, but he never complained. He seemed to almost facilitate it: going to bed before her favorite show was finished, getting up earlier in the morning. She felt only a little guilty that she was glad.

He was still treating her normally in every other way though. It was like they were roommates now, only they shared a bed as well as a room. They ate breakfast across from each other every morning and dinner in the evening. Mike never failed to give her an affectionate hug and a kiss on the head when he came home from work. Bella never failed to give him a big smile and a well prepared meal.

She had counted on his mood improving, but after a few days, she started to suspect it wasn't getting better. After the fourth day, he became worse. She attempted to talk to him about what was wrong and he blatantly lied, telling her some story about late shipments at the store. Bella knew it couldn't be that; Mike never let work get to him.

He'd always been there for her when she was down, doing everything he could to help her—which admittedly wasn't much. As she watched him making his way through his days, a shadow of his former self, she knew there was no way she could just abandon him right now, not without feeling eternally guilty for what she'd done. She had to be there for Mike when he needed her. After all the years that he had supported her, and after what she had done with Edward, she owed him at least that.

But that meant she had to stay away from Edward for just a bit longer.

And Edward couldn't understand.

His emails were getting more insistent. She hated making him wait, but she also wished he could be more understanding. It was easy for him to feel impatient; he didn't have to break a good man's heart. _Not to mention everyone else's_. Bella wasn't looking forward to the fallout from their split. Eric's words about Mike came back to haunt her: "_Everyone in this town loves him_." People were going to hate her when this came out.

Maybe that was the real reason she was stalling?

She shrugged that thought off before she took it too seriously. Sure, her concerns for Mike were going to be tainted, unable to be separated from her guilt about what she had done. But she was certain she cared about him. And even though she wanted to escape and be back with Edward, she couldn't walk away from Mike right now. Not when he needed her.

_If only he'd just feel better_. The thought came out, all selfish and mean, and she hated herself a little more. Mike had never rushed her to feel better. He'd given her all the time she needed.

Bella finished drying off, dressed quickly, and roughly pulled the comb through her hair. She was angry at herself now for being impatient and for thinking badly about Mike. It wasn't his fault that she was going to hurt him so grievously. She threw one last scowl at herself in the mirror before storming out of the room.

She was heading to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea when a slight movement caught her eye from the couch. Bella started when she realizfed Jessica was sitting there, causally sipping from a bottle of Diet Coke and reading a magazine. Bella looked around quickly for Mike or for any other reason for Jess to be here, but there was none. She did notice the front door now stood wide open though, when before it had been closed and locked for her shower.

"How did you get in here?" she asked sternly, not bothering with the niceties. She was still annoyed at herself and not in the mood for Jessica's company.

Jessica jumped at Bella's voice, only just noticing Bella was in the room. She stood up quickly, putting her drink down and smoothing out her clothes. She straightened up and put on her best serious face. "Bella, we need to talk."

At those words, a feeling began quickly spreading through Bella's body. An awareness. She looked at Jessica and didn't like what she saw. Her face was set, determined, something that didn't sit well on her features. The sight was setting a tiny alarm off in Bella's head, trying to alert her to something she should already know.

"You didn't answer my question."

Jessica relaxed her stance slightly and rolled her eyes. "I have a key." Her voice was impatient and she wasn't looking kindly at her; she was being unpleasant. Bella didn't know this Jessica.

The Jessica that Bella knew was never this way.

The alarm took on a greater intensity.

"Why do you have a key?" Bella asked, wary of the woman in front of her.

"Mike gave me a key, Bella." She said it slowly, like she was explaining it to a young child. The nasty edge was still there, but her demeanour had softened.

Bella heard every word Jessica said, but they didn't make any sense. "Why would Mike give you a key?" As soon as the words left her mouth, that alarm took on deafening proportions.

It occurred to Bella that maybe she should be suspicious, that maybe there was something Jessica wasn't telling her. Maybe something that Mike wasn't telling her. Just the thought of it made Bella's stomach sink. It seemed impossible, but... looking at Jessica now, it made sense.

Could it be true?

She felt the blood drain from her face.

Jessica's face softened into pity. "You really had no idea, did you?" she asked gently. The bitter harpy was gone now, replaced by the Jessica that Bella knew well. Then she was concerned. "Bella, I think you should sit down."

Bella's hands had become clammy and she began to sway, like the ground was tipping beneath her. Jessica caught her before she could fall and led her around to the couch, leaving her for the armchair across from it. She gave Bella a few minutes, watching her closely, before beginning to talk.

It was another one of those one-sided conversations where Jessica talked, and Bella listened.

"I've wanted him to tell you for years, but he never would. He really does love you, but... not in that way, you know?" She smiled apologetically. "Anyway, you know we had that thing in high school, before you got together?"

Bella nodded, slightly stunned.

"Well, that wasn't the only time. Every now and then we'd hook up." Jessica had the sense to look contrite. "It stopped for a while when you guys were at college, though. He was really trying to make it work. Next thing I know, you were getting fucking married! So I was pissed at him and we stayed apart for a couple of years."

Bella's mind tried to comprehend. _Only a couple of years? Out of almost ten?_

Jessica kept going. "Then you began ignoring him when you started writing, and one night, it just sort of happened again." Jessica's cheeks blushed at some unmentioned memory. "But Bella, you've got to understand, it's not like we just hook up and do it to piss you off or anything. I love Mike."

It hurt. Hearing her say that really hurt. Everything that had been going on in Bella's life stopped mattering to her upon hearing those words. She felt wronged by the sentiment, because Mike was hers. And Jessica had her own damn husband!

"Tyler?" was all she managed to say.

Jessica looked down at her lap, lacing her fingers and squeezing them tight. "We've been separated for a while now—a few months." Her eyes met Bella's again. "I thought Mike had told you?"

Bella shook her head.

"I'd wanted to break it off with Tyler for a while, but Mike was so damn stubborn. He just... couldn't bring himself to tell you. I mean, you have no idea how much he cares for you. And even though you make him feel inferior—holing up and writing for days 'cause you're so important—he put up with it. He never wanted to hurt you."

For the first time since she'd come downstairs, Bella appreciated her sluggish comprehension. It gave her a chance to mull over Jessica's words while she watched her drink her soda. Jessica wasn't being completely spiteful—Bella could see that. There was definitely some attitude, probably jealousy, but she sounded more frustrated than anything.

_Frustrated because Mike wouldn't leave me._

He'd slept with someone else—_several_ times—but he hadn't walked away. Was it true what Jessica said? Bella didn't think she'd ever holed up away from Mike, feeling self-important.

Had she?

"I made up my mind to tell you so long ago—when you got back from the last tour, remember? I chickened out though. You just looked so sad that day, like your whole world was ending or something."

Bella cursed herself internally. How could she have been so exceptionally unobservant? She thought back to that day and how Jessica had offered to pick her up. She'd been so relieved to see her—that it was her helping and not Mike.

And then it hit her.

_The door_, Bella thought. Jessica must have had a key to her house all the way back then. Bella leaned back against the couch and brought her fingers to her temples. She squeezed but it didn't help. Her head was exploding, she was sure of it.

How could she not have known?

"And then Mike said you just weren't ready for it—that you really needed him. So we waited and waited. And then the holidays came and he said, 'Not around Christmas.' Then it was, 'not until after the book launch.' I'm sick of waiting though, Bella. He shouldn't keep hanging around for you, trying to pretend like your marriage is perfect. I mean, you're doing the same thing with that Edward guy!" She leaned over and picked up the magazine, thrusting the picture at Bella. "I told Mike when I saw this that I was going to tell you and he _still _defended you." She sighed loudly. "Why won't you let Mike go?"

Jessica was pleading. Bella had never seen her look like that before, like she needed something. And the something she needed was Mike.

If he had someone looking at him like that, why had he stayed? Why hadn't he left her? Why now, when he was obviously unhappy, did he still want to be her husband?

"It's making him sick, you know—not being able to tell you. He wants out too, Bella."

Bella then understood what had been wrong with Mike. He was guilt-ridden, too. Knowing that Jessica was going to do this—that she was going to reveal what he'd been doing—was that what was getting him down? He had seemed edgy, reserved... Bella realized this was probably why he'd been avoiding her in bed as well.

Because he didn't want her.

Bella looked into the eyes of her friend and it all came crashing down. Years. _Years _they had been doing this, sleeping together behind her back. Years of time that none of them could get back.

And that meant Mike had known that he needed more, well before Bella had. Why hadn't he said anything? Why had he let her believe that he was a good man?

Suddenly, her own indiscretions paled in comparison.

And she felt mad.

Mad, for all the times that he'd been "working." Mad, for all the times Jessica had been her "friend." Mad, because they could both look her in the eye and lie to her face, day after day. Mad, for the time she'd stayed away from Edward. She'd tried to convince herself that her marriage was more important for over a year. And even when she finally gave in, finally let herself have what she wanted so much, even her guilt and regret were in vain. Because all along, these two were making a mockery of her attempts at fidelity.

She narrowed her eyes at Jessica. "Get out of my house."

Jessica went to move but stopped herself. "Bella, you may not realize it, but trust me, it is better that this happens now rather than in another ten years."

It was the exact sort of stupid statement that people made when they wanted you to feel good about a choice _they_ were making.

Bella could barely contain her fury. "I said, get out of my house, now!"

Jessica stood, much slower than Bella wanted her too, and made her way to the door. When she got there, she turned around.

"Mike's already said you can keep the house. We'll move to Port Angeles so we can still be near the store, but he doesn't want to make this hard for you."

Bella was so close to breaking down; she needed Jessica to leave and to stop telling her things.

"Get. Out." She clenched her jaw the way she'd seen Edward do and hoped that it was enough.

Jessica lifted her chin, almost as though she refused to feel bad for Bella, and walked out the door, slamming it closed.

Bella reeled. It took every last bit of energy she had to stand up and make her way back to the kitchen where her phone sat. She reached for it and hastily typed a text to the one person who could help her.

**He cheated on me.**

She pressed send.

* * *

The front door creaked, but Bella didn't budge.

"Bella?"

Mike's voice was cautious, obviously wary of what he was coming home to.

He _knew_.

Bella was so twisted with pain and bitterness. In the hours she'd spent alone in the house, she'd dwelled on everything that was wrong. In her mind, what he'd done was worse, but only because if he had told her, she would never have been unfaithful. She was blaming her behavior on Mike now, and that was ridiculous, but she was willing to let a few things slide at the moment.

Mike saw her sitting on the ground, crouched up against the wall of the living room.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Bella scoffed.

Mike sighed loudly, a resigned sound that moved his whole body. "I need to know that you're okay, Bella."

She looked up at him with her swollen, bloodshot eyes and truly saw him. He was just a guy: nothing special, nothing sacred. Why hadn't she ever realized what he was doing all this time?

"You know I love you, right? I always have. And I always will."

She scrunched her eyes together. What she wanted to do was yell at him, scream about how he had hurt her so much. But she couldn't even do that, because she wasn't much better.

She expected him to leave, to walk back out the door and go and stay with Jessica or whatever it was they'd planned on. Instead, he walked over and sat on the floor next to her—right up against her body.

She hated that she liked it, that she could stand to have him so close to her. She hated that she _wanted_ to talk to him about this, to ask him how everything had gone wrong, to get the answers she needed. But more than she hated those things, she just needed someone to fucking comfort her. So she leaned into his side and buried her wet face in his shoulder.

He put his arm around her. "Is this okay?"

She sobbed. "Uh huh."

He held her gently, like he always had. She'd never noticed before—the difference between Edward and Mike's embraces. Mike did feel like home, but only in a familiar way. That type of affection had been the only kind she'd known until Edward. It felt safe and comfortable.

Edward on the other hand... His embraces ignited feelings and wants deep inside her. She found comfort and desire in his arms. She wondered how she could have ever thought Mike was enough. Maybe that's what her mom and Alice had seen, that she didn't feel the right kind of love for him.

She wondered how Mike felt about Jessica.

"Do you love her?" she asked once she was able.

Mike's fingers gripped her shoulder harder. "Yeah, I do. But..." He shifted slightly, obviously uncomfortable sitting in that position, but he didn't move away. "Do you really want to hear this?"

She nodded, causing fresh tears to roll down her cheeks.

"I didn't want to fall for her. All I ever wanted was for our marriage to work—to be good enough for you." He stared absently out into the room. "Every time I'd slip up, I'd think that it would be the last time. But then things with Jess became more intense. I know I should have said something, but I was a coward—I know that. I'm not proud of any of this." He glanced back at her and ran his hand up and down her arm. It wasn't nearly as soothing as when Edward did it. "I love you too, Bella," Mike said earnestly. "It's just different. I don't know how to explain it."

It only took her a moment. She leant her head back against the wall and whispered quietly to herself, "Like she's your soul, and this is just your life." It was the same way she felt about Edward.

That was one answer, but she needed more. She'd been worrying about something else now, ever since Jessica had mentioned it. Bella had to know if she'd driven him away. "She said I made you feel inferior. Is that why?"

His eyes immediately met hers. "No way—I never thought that, Bells." He sighed loudly. "Those are Jess' words, okay. Not mine. She thinks a lot of things. But you never did anything wrong. I was the one who screwed up here."

Bella sniffed loudly. As angry as she'd been with Mike, she couldn't pretend like she hadn't done anything wrong. It wasn't fair for him to take all the blame.

"I did it, too," she admitted quietly. When he didn't reply, she checked to see his reaction.

He didn't look surprised.

"It's that guy, isn't it?" He rubbed at his own eyes, and Bella wondered if he was close to crying. "I couldn't stop you from seeing him. I just... I didn't have any right."

He didn't. But she still felt bad for him.

"It wasn't ongoing." _Not like you_. She stopped herself from saying it aloud. "It was just one time, but... I feel a lot for him."

Mike met her eyes for a moment. They were definitely misty.

"I wanted you to be enough, Bella. I really wanted us to work. And I tried. Maybe not so much in the early years, but when we were married, I really tried. There's just something with me and Jess..." he trailed off.

Bella hadn't missed the implication of his words though. "What do you mean by not so much in the early years?"

He looked a little shocked, then pained, and then he ran his hand across his face a few times.

"Jess wasn't the only girl."

"Oh, God." Bella hunched over, feeling all the air rush out of her. Hearing about him having an affair with the love of his life was one thing, but with more than one girl... too much.

"They were all just... one night things. Not even."

Bella could feel her chest constricting with each breath, but she wanted answers before panic set in.

"Who?"

He exhaled loudly and didn't meet her eyes. "No one, really. Sometimes I met them through work—sometimes at the bar. I didn't go looking for them though."

That meant even more people knew about her marriage failing before she did. She had a brief flash of Lauren being too friendly at the store.

"Lauren?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

Mike grimaced and shifted uncomfortably. "No."

Bella was not expecting that, but something about his demeanour didn't look like that was the whole answer.

"You can't lie to me anymore." Her voice was stern. She _needed_ answers.

Mike's eyes flashed to hers a few times before he began. "Lauren hates me. But only because I did try to... to be with her."

"So, you never slept with Lauren?" Bella clarified. Out of all the women Bella knew in town, she was the only one Bella would have suspected of being capable of it.

He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Lauren would never do that to you—to anyone. She shot me down pretty fast, said it took a weak man to cheat, a strong man to stay faithful, and a brave man to love. I was already a weak man, so I didn't really see her point. But ever since... I've thought about what she said a lot over the years. I get it now."

He reached for Bella's hand and for a moment, she considered not giving it to him. He'd betrayed her, in so many ways. She knew she couldn't think rationally about it right now, so instead she trusted her instincts, and they wanted to hold his hand and use his comfort. So she did.

"Do you love him?" Mike asked after a moment.

She answered without hesitation. "Yes."

He swallowed, unable to hide the pain completely. "I hope he's a better man than me."

Bella lifted her chin, could feel the tear stains that ran the length of her face and wanted Mike to see each of them. "He is."

His hand on hers was beginning to feel wrong, almost as though she was getting claustrophobic. Bit by bit, it felt as though her body was eschewing his comfort, wanting to be further away from him. He continued to hold her but when it became too much, she shrugged him off and pulled her hand back.

"You want me to leave?" he asked, not hiding his own wet cheeks.

She felt so alone, leaning against the wall. It would be so easy to have him stay, even just on the couch. At least there would be someone here.

But she didn't want him anywhere near her.

"Yes."

He nodded in resignation and slowly stood up. "Bella, if there is anything I can do... Please tell me if you need anything."

She shook her head at him, and he seemed to sense that his time was up. She didn't watch him leave, just listened for the click of the door to let her know he had left. When she was finally all alone, she slumped back against the wall with her eyes closed.

* * *

A few hours later, when Bella feeling more level-headed, she called Edward.

He answered quickly. "Hello."

His voice was a balm to her tattered emotions. "Hi." She breathed deeply, preparing herself. Somehow she had to put what had happened into words. "Mike left." She scrunched up her forehead to keep the tears at bay.

"You told him?"

Another deep breath. "Not exactly. It turns out that he wanted to leave me for years." She paused while the pain gripped her chest.

"Oh, Bella. Are you all right?"

"No..." She rested her head in her palm and waited for her breathing to even out. "He's been sleeping with my friend all this time. For years. And there were others..." She leaned back against the wall for more support.

Edward paused for a moment before asking, "When are you leaving?"

She shook her head. "I can't leave. I'm a mess, and I have everything to sort out."

"Well then, I'll come there. I'll catch the first flight I can and be there as soon as possible."

She couldn't hold back the tears anymore. "You can't."

"Why not? Of course I can."

He could, but it wouldn't be right. Bella had gone over this again and again in her head. He couldn't show up straight after Mike left, not when the town was still reeling from her and Mike separating, not while _she_ was still reeling. She would be emotional and angry and... She didn't want him to see her mourning her marriage when she was supposed to be looking forward to her future.

She needed some time.

"I think we should wait a little while, at least until things settle down."

"You shouldn't be alone, Bella. You shouldn't have to go through this by yourself—"

"It's okay," she cut him off. "I've asked Alice to come." She wiped her eyes and tried to make her voice lighter. "This is the kind of thing best friends are for, right?"

He sighed on the other end, a frustrated sound. "All right, but I'm calling you every day. And if you need me, just ask and I'll be there."

She drew comfort from his words. "I know."

"I love you, Bella."

The feeling in her chest lightened a little. "I love you, too." And she meant it.

After she ended the call, she dropped the phone by her side, closed her eyes again, and began waiting.

* * *

**A/N: Take a deep breath. I think most of you knew it was coming. If you want to rant, the link to the thread is in my profile.**

**Again, much love to all of you for reading. I can't thank you enough.**

**Should only be two chapters left. I'm really hoping to complete this by the 26th of March. There, I've said it. Feel free to hold me to that ;)**


	18. Sunshine in Forks

**A/N: As always, thanks to everyone for reading and leaving me your thoughts. I read them all, even though I fail at replying. I especially loved some of the more... colourful reactions to Mike. haha.**

**Thanks to Brianna and revrag (who filled in for Furious Kitten) for the beta work. And to the rehabers, it's so nice to be back!**

**I don't know how you'll feel about this one... ?**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. **

* * *

Alice strolled out of her designer home, dressed in this season's clothes, and swiftly lowered herself onto the back seat of the sleek black town car. She would never pretend she didn't love her life—it was perfect.

Her husband was perfect.

Her surroundings were perfect.

Her hair—perfect.

A smile spread across her face and she crossed her legs to get a better view of her new peep-toe pumps. _Perfect._

It was 7am on a Monday morning and she was on her way to her perfect job, overseeing junior designers and creating her own masterpieces. The drive was long, but she spoke with her assistant on the way and answered emails to make good use of the time. During the week, she and Jasper lived in their penthouse, but on the weekends, she loved retreating to the open spaces and manicured lawns of their home nestled within the suburban elite.

Being shorter had never been an issue for Alice, and she could always see the advantages. Right now, she benefitted from one as she completely stretched her legs out in the car before picking up her work Blackberry.

She turned it on and waited for the few text messages that usually awaited her on a Monday. Alice only took one day off each week—Sunday. She enjoyed her job and all its perquisites, so she never felt the need to stay away. On Saturdays she worked from home, but Sundays were usually spent exclusively with her husband.

She began checking through, determining which messages were urgent and would need to be addressed first. Nestled amongst the familiar names was one that made her smile. It was from Bella.

Alice had been talking to Edward about Bella, although she'd had to drag it out of him at first. Alice had known Bella was going to visit him, and like the rest of the world, she'd seen the photo of Bella leaving his apartment the next day. Only Alice knew for certain it was in a different outfit though. She'd called Edward and badgered him for the truth. Eventually he gave in and told her everything, and she'd been thrilled. For a couple of weeks now, she'd been waiting for Bella to call and let her know she'd left Mike and had happily taken up residence with Edward.

Alice smiled widely and let herself hope that this was the day as she opened the message.

_He cheated on me._

Alice's stomach sank.

Her mind went into overdrive. One part of her brain was systematically listing the clothes she would need to pack, another was trudging through increasingly awful scenarios of the way Bella found out, and another was directing the driver to take her back home. Her hand quickly brought up her work number and she called.

Ten minutes later, Alice purposely strode from the town car into her perfect house, vacation time approved and flights booked. He was going to be very sorry.

* * *

Alice arrived at Sea-Tac that same day, and rented a car to drive all the way back to the town where she grew up. It was almost a decade since she'd been back. Her parents had moved long ago, not having any reason to stay once she left, so she'd never felt the need to return herself. However, as she drove along the dark winding roads on the outskirts of Forks, familiar landmarks were catching her off guard, pulling at her heartstrings.

She thought about her time growing up in Forks, remembering how happy she'd been when Bella had arrived. It was the first time Alice had ever thought she could be "best friends" with someone. Bella had been shy and quiet, but she was also sweet and genuine, and she smiled all the time. Alice had loved that about her.

Despite having Alice as her friend, Bella had remained timid. Until Mike, that is.

For some reason, he'd been able to bring Bella out of her shell in a way Alice couldn't. Alice had been able to make Bella smile, but Mike, he could make her laugh. That was why Alice had been supportive of their relationship in the beginning. Bella's fragile confidence had been strengthened by Mike, and she'd finally allowed herself to thrive. Mike was good for Bella.

Until now.

Alice knew he was capable of cheating. She'd seen it with her own eyes, heard it with her own ears. In high school, his cockiness had always been borderline inappropriate. He'd flirted with everyone, even after he'd started dating Bella. Some thought it was charming, others, endearing. Being a flirt herself, Alice had found him fun company, their banter always a lively distraction. But then he'd taken it too far.

It was during their senior year trip, when they'd been dragged to a bunch of "cultural" experiences, one of which was seeing _La Traviata_ performed. He'd spent the entire time sipping contraband liquor and being overly friendly as usual. Later that night, he'd cornered Alice, had grabbed onto her waist and pulled her in against him. His whiskey-scented breath had made her want to gag.

Even just the memory was enough to make Alice want to vomit. She wound down the window a crack to get some fresh air.

She hadn't done anything with him. Well, she _had_ communicated her disgust that he would try and hit on her when he had such a beautiful, caring girlfriend in Bella. He'd looked abashed, and that was the only reason Alice had let him off. She'd made him swear that he wouldn't do anything to hurt Bella, and in return, had told him she wouldn't tell Bella what a pig he was.

Stupidly, she'd kept her promise.

She sighed loudly, feeling responsible for the whole mess. If only she had told Bella about that night. At the time, she'd convinced herself telling Bella would have destroyed her new found confidence. If she were truly honest with herself though, she'd also been scared that Bella would resent her for being the object of Mike's drunken advances.

Instead of outright ruining Bella's opinion of Mike, Alice had simply made it clear that she no longer liked him. Their flirtatious banter ceased, and eventually, Alice just stopped hanging out with Bella if she knew Mike would be there. Inevitably, this led to them growing apart, and by the time Alice left Forks for the city, she honestly felt there was nothing left for her there anyway.

As she drove through the streets following the directions of her GPS, she was unwillingly emotional about her return. She'd spy houses that would prompt memories and make her wistful for her youth. It was an odd feeling, because Alice never yearned for anything anymore. She had her perfect life, what more could she want? But as she navigated her way to Bella's modest house and pulled into her driveway, Alice finally understood why Bella stayed. There was definitely a sense of home about Forks, and if it was enough to make even Alice nostalgic, she knew she's have very little luck trying to convince Bella to leave.

She opened her door and stepped out, cursing when her heels immediately began to sink into the damp earth. Not wanting to get stuck, she hurried to the door and knocked. While she waited, she slipped out of her muddied perfect shoes, knowing there was some kind of apt metaphor to be found there.

The door swung inward and revealed a mess of a girl that vaguely resembled Bella. Her hair was stringy, like she hadn't brushed it. Her dark eyes were swollen with heavy bags, the whites so bloodshot they appeared pink. She was wearing pajamas, which wasn't unusual given the hour, but it looked like she had been in them all day.

"Bella," Alice began cautiously, stepping forward with her arms open. Bella's face crumpled and she broke into sobs when Alice wrapped her in a hug. Alice ran her hands up and down her back, trying to be comforting.

After a few moments, Bella stepped back and allowed Alice into the house.

"Thanks for coming," she mumbled as she wiped at her eyes.

Alice glanced around the room, wincing at the evidence of Bella's pain. There were photo albums out on the coffee table, several pictures torn in to small pieces. A pile of clothes sat near the door, and Alice guessed they were Mike's.

"They were in the hamper," Bella commented when she noticed Alice staring. "I can't do his laundry. I just can't..." She broke off into more sobs.

"Hey, of course you shouldn't. If I was you, they'd be a pile of ashes in the yard, along with all his other shit."

Bella sat down onto the couch heavily and looked up at Alice like she was lost. "But see, I can't do anything like that." She looked pained by her thoughts.

"Why the hell not?" Alice sat down in the couch next to her, leaning forward slightly.

Bella looked Alice straight in the eye. "I'm no better than Mike, Alice. I was unfaithful, too. Last month, when I saw Edward..." She averted her eyes as tears ran freely down her cheeks.

It took Alice a moment to realize that Bella wasn't aware she already knew. "Edward told me what happened," she admitted, hoping Bella wouldn't be upset by the revelation.

Bella sniffed again in response.

"Does Mike know?" Alice asked. Secretly, she'd been hoping he did. After all, what better revenge could Bella have than sleeping with Edward Cullen?

Bella nodded. "I told him yesterday evening. He came around to check on me, and he told me everything... Alice, he's been sleeping with Jess for years. And there were others." Her chest heaved and she choked on a breath. "How could I be so blind?"

Alice quickly abandoned her chair for the seat next to Bella. Again, she rubbed Bella's back, trying to console her through the painful tears. She could understand now why Bella was so torn apart. Mike was an even bigger douche than even Alice had expected. Jess was Bella's friend, so she'd been betrayed twice over.

She felt angry on Bella's behalf. "You're not blind, Bella. This isn't your fault." As she was saying it, the feeling that she was partly to blame came back, and she vowed to help make everything better.

Bella looked exhausted, and Alice guessed she probably hadn't slept. It would make sense. She couldn't imagine being able to sleep in a bed where your husband possibly banged your best friend. "Do you have a guest room?" she asked.

Bella nodded as her body suffered another involuntary shudder from her crying.

"I'll go get it ready, okay. Just give me a minute."

Alice headed down the hall, poking her head into the rooms and quickly learning the layout of the small house. When she found the guestroom, she checked the bed was made up and that there wasn't any evidence of Mike around.

When the room was ready, she came back out to get Bella. "You look so tired, Bella. We can talk about all of this tomorrow, but right now, you need some sleep."

Bella began shaking her head in protest. "I can't."

Alice was never one to argue with. "Come on, you'll sleep better in the guestroom." Before Bella could object, she continued, "I don't have any bad memories in your room, so I can sleep there."

Bella seemed to understand where Alice was coming from, as she nodded sadly and then stood up from the couch. Alice took Bella's hand and led her down the hall and into the tidy room. Pulling back the covers, she waited for Bella to lie down before she tucked her in like her own mother used to do.

"You get some sleep, okay," she said quietly. Bella gave her a weak smile, one that already looked defeated. Alice wished she could make her happier.

And then she had an idea.

She quickly made her way back to the living room and retrieved her cell from her purse. When she returned to the guestroom, she had a genuine smile on her own face.

"Maybe you'd like to say goodnight to Edward?" she asked. Bella's eyes flicked from the bare wall she'd been staring at to Alice's in an instant. Seeing her sudden interest, Alice added, "I'm sure he wouldn't mind." She dialed his number and noticed how Bella relaxed more with each ring.

He answered quickly. "Alice, are you with Bella yet?"

It caught Alice off guard that somehow Edward knew she'd be there. Normally, she was the one who knew everything that was going on. As much as she wanted to question him about it, now wasn't the time.

"Yeah, I am," she answered. "I think she'd like to say goodnight, have you got a minute?"

"I've got all night." He was always unwittingly cheesy and she couldn't help but roll her eyes. Bella smiled at the sight.

"Okay, I'll put her on. But Edward..."

"Yes?"

"Don't keep her up too late." She handed the phone across to Bella and saw her grasp it like a lifeline.

Not wanting to intrude, Alice slipped out the door and closed it behind her.

* * *

Bella did sleep that night. When Alice had checked on her an hour later, she'd found her fast asleep, the phone still cradled next to her head. Alice didn't hear a peep out of her until the following morning, so she assumed she slept well.

Alice was in the process of making coffee when Bella emerged, blinking and docile.

"Coffee?" she offered.

Bella shook her head. "No, I'll make some tea."

Alice raised an eyebrow at the beverage choice but didn't say anything. Bella had always been a coffee drinker. Maybe the change was something to do with Mike, but she smiled to herself when she realized it was more likely an Edward induced variation.

Alice didn't push Bella to begin telling her everything, knowing it was probably the first time Bella hadn't been crying since she'd found out. Hoping to help her maintain her sob-free status, Alice thought she'd talk of more mundane things.

"So," she began as soon as Bella was caffeinated. "I was thinking of going to the store today. Do you want to come with me?"

Bella's shoulders sagged. "Actually, I'm going to go and see Charlie today, tell him what happened."

"Oh, Bella, you don't have to do that straight away. That sort of thing can wait until you're feeling better." Alice knew how highly Charlie thought of Mike. There was likely going to be a lot of denial on his side.

"I need to let people know and get organized. The sooner Mike and I are finished, the sooner I can be with Edward." Bella spoke like she was clear on the matter, but the confusion on her face showed that wasn't exactly the case.

"Well, if you need help with any of that, just let me know. I'm here for you."

Bella gave her a tight smile. "I know, but I think I have to do this on my own. Face up to the firing squad, you know?"

Alice nodded her understanding. "Any chance you feel like eating?"

"Not right now. Maybe later?" she added with fake enthusiasm. Alice made a mental note to pick up some comfort food while she was out.

Bella had a second mug of tea firmly clasped in her hands by the time Alice was ready to leave. She had a few purposes in mind: buy supplies, reacquaint herself with Forks, and if she just so happened to run into Jessica Crowley, maybe punch someone in the face. She said goodbye to Bella before heading out the door full of hope.

She stopped by the store, again comparing everything about it to how it looked a decade ago. She didn't recognise the younger kid at the checkout and was grateful, knowing there would've been a lot of questions if she had.

On her way out, she passed by the real estate office and stopped to glance over the photos, looking for anything familiar. She was surprised to see the old Evenson's house was for sale. It was such a beautiful place: large, modern, surrounded by forest, but somehow still understated. If she were at all inclined to stay in Forks, it would be exactly the type of house she would want to live in.

After wandering around and failing to run into Jessica, Alice made her way back to Bella's. She walked in through the front door to find the house empty—or so she thought. As she packed away the groceries she heard the quiet sobbing coming from down the hall. Quickly, she made her way down to the guest room to check on Bella.

She was sprawled out on the bed, her face buried in the pillows like an overdramatic teenager. That's when Alice remembered what Bella had been going to do that day.

"Hey, how did it go with Charlie?"

Bella turned her head to the side slightly. "He's so angry with me. He thinks I should be trying to fix things with Mike."

That didn't sound like the Charlie that Alice remembered. "Tell me what happened."

She rolled over on the bed and tried to talk, but her voice kept being interrupted by the quaking sobs that racked her body. "I told him that Mike and I split up. And he couldn't—wouldn't—understand why. So I had to tell him _everything_, about Mike and Jess, about me and Edward. You should have seen his face, Alice."

Alice pulled her in for another hug. "I'll go see him tomorrow." She ran her hand over Bella's hair, trying to calm her down. Charlie had always been a sucker for Alice. She was certain she could help him see sense.

Eventually, Bella calmed down and Alice was able to lure her out of the room with the promise of Little Debbie delights. She set Bella up at the table, plate full of Honey Buns.

"You know what else I think you need?" Alice reached into the shopping bags and pulled out the bottles of Tanqueray and Rossi she'd bought earlier that day. She waggled them in front of Bella temptingly.

"I think you're right." Bella took a bite out of the sticky rolls and smiled to herself. Alice knew all about her weakness for boxed desserts filled with sugar and preservatives.

While Bella filled her stomach, Alice fished around in the cupboard for glasses. She set about making the drinks, swirling the vermouth in the glass, before adding the chilled gin. She finished each with two skewered stuffed olives and then carried them over to the table.

And so began Alice's plan to make Bella feel better for at least a little while. They drank... too much. They listened to very bad music and sung along loudly causing the neighbours to suffer from secondhand embarrassment. They declared their unwavering friendship and drank some more. And then they finally hit the point where they were just drunk enough for Bella to start talking about Edward.

"I _actually_ slept with Edward Cullen," Bella said, her voice riddled with disbelief.

Alice choked on her drink. Not because of Bella's words, but because they seemingly came out of the blue. She composed herself before asking, "How was it?" with a wicked gleam in her eye.

Bella sighed and leant her head back dreamily, lost in her thoughts. "It was _amazing_. He just felt so right, you know?"

Alice, having a far higher tolerance for alcohol than Bella, suppressed a giggle. Bella was smashed.

"I have some idea," she answered.

"And it was perfect. The way he..."

Knowing there would be some details coming up that Alice wasn't certain she wanted to hear, she began reciting the lyrics to one of the eighties power ballads they'd just been listening to. After what she deemed was an acceptable amount of time for Bella to finish gushing, she tuned back in.

"... and it was mind-blowing. Mike has _never_ made me feel like that." Bella nodded seriously.

Alice smirked at the unintentional insult to Mike's sexual ability. _Take that, Jessica!_

"Well honey," she began. "I've always thought you and Edward would make a better couple." She took a deep sip of her drink. "When I first met him, he reminded me so much of you; you both have the same trusting, reserved manner. I wish I'd been able to set you up back then, might've saved you all of this trouble now."

"No, it's better this way." Bella stretched out, obviously ready for bed. "That other time when you tried to set us up... that didn't work out so well," she slurred looking as though she were falling asleep on the spot. Then suddenly, she laughed. "That opera! Oh gosh, it almost ruined the whole night. I'd forgotten about that..." Her voice trailed off as she snuggled into the couch cushions.

Alice winced. The real reason she'd sent Bella to that opera was to try and remind her of what Mike was like when they'd seen it together, how he'd spent his time fawning over all the girls, not just Bella. Alice wanted Bella to realize that she could have someone better in her life—Edward.

"And that kiss... He told me you put him up to it," Bella continued, her eyes closed tight and a sleepy smile on her face. "What exactly did you say?"

Alice leant even further back and remembered the conversation she'd had with Edward. He'd been so excited about Bella, always calling Alice to regale her with every detail. She knew he adored Bella, and from what Edward was telling her, Bella liked him, too. In Alice's books, Edward was heads and shoulders above Mike, and she always thought Bella deserved more.

So she did the wrong thing.

She told Edward that Bella was too timid to make any kind of move on him, and that if he wanted her in that way, he was going to have to make it very clear.

_"Kiss her,"_ she'd said. _"Wait for the perfect moment, and kiss her. If she kisses you back, you'll know she wants you, too."_

It had worked, of course. Bella had kissed him back, simultaneously ruining him for any other woman and giving her something to feel endlessly guilty about. At the time, Alice hadn't been able to understand why Bella just wouldn't push ahead with something that obviously made her so happy, but now, after seeing Forks and Bella's home and hearing about Charlie... she got it. Bella was loyal, and Forks was her home.

She looked over to Bella to answer, but instead heard a soft snore coming from her friend. Not wanting to disturb her, Alice grabbed the cover from the guestroom and draped it over Bella's peaceful figure.

* * *

Alice was in the kitchen making coffee again when there were several soft raps on the door. She glanced at Bella still sleeping soundly on the couch, and rushed over to answer before she was woken up.

She pulled open the door, only to feel infinite rage at the person standing before her.

"You," she whispered angrily.

Alice pushed him out of the way so she could step outside, and then quietly closed the door behind her. She had a lot she wanted to say to Mike, but she didn't want Bella to know he was here.

Mike looked cheerful—too cheerful for a man whose marriage had just disintegrated. His hair was clean and styled, his clothes pressed.

"Alice, hey! I didn't expect to see you. What's it been, like ten years or something?"

He was looking her up and down, a slightly confused look on his face. Alice was wearing sweats, something she never wore in the presence of anyone. Her face was clean of make-up and she probably had bed hair, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

She gave him a fiercely condescending look. "How could you do that to her?"

Mike tried to look sheepish. "It's not like that, Alice. Jess and I... we just have something else."

Alice kept her scoff low for the sake of Bella, but it was still scathing in its intensity. "I know it wasn't just Jessica. And if I had any idea that this is the piss-weak excuse of a man—of a _husband_—you would turn out to be, I would never have kept your pathetic sliminess secret from her."

He looked hurt and angry at the same time. "I didn't come here to talk to you." He made to move toward the door, but Alice didn't so much as flinch.

"You can't see her right now. She's asleep. And even if she weren't, I still wouldn't let you see her."

He had the nerve to laugh. "Alice, you can't keep me from seeing my _wife_."

"Your wife? _Now_ you remember what she is to you? It's a pity that you couldn't recall that fact when you were out fucking random sluts!"

She knew she got him with that line. He silently fumed as he glared down at her. "Well, obviously Bella hasn't told you everything."

"Oh no, she has. I just happen to find a very clear distinction between sleeping with a whole lot of people over the entire course of a monogamous relationship and what she did." Alice pointed toward the house.

He still looked annoyed, but he didn't push. Instead he gave up. "Whatever, Alice. You won't stay here forever. I'll come see her later." He turned and started walking back to his car.

He was right, Alice did have to leave. But she didn't want him to think he could just come by and keep hurting Bella with his presence.

So she grinned, showing as many of her very white teeth as she could as she bluffed. "Oh, you mean when Edward is here? Good luck with that."

Mike's step faulted minutely, and she was pleased he wasn't expecting to hear those words. Alice stayed on the porch, watching as he slid into his car and reversed out the driveway, not so much as blinking until he was out of sight. Alice wasn't sure why he'd come to visit, but as he'd driven off, he'd looked disappointed. If he'd expected he could just still be friends with Bella after what he did, he was going to be sorely mistaken.

"What an asshole," she murmured to herself as she re-entered the house. Once inside, she was very surprised to see Bella sitting bolt upright on the couch, her face pale and drawn.

"Thank you," she said earnestly.

Alice smiled sweetly and headed back to the coffee maker. "_That_ was my pleasure, Bella."

* * *

Over the course of the next few days, Alice helped Bella rid the house of all of Mike's clothes. Alice particularly enjoyed ferrying them over to Jessica's house to dump on her lawn. Bella had tried to stop her from doing it, but she'd had a small smile on her face the whole time, so Alice didn't think she truly minded.

Charlie had come around eventually. Alice had been to visit him and he listened to what she had to say, mistaking her for an objective bystander. She'd always had the right touch with him, and after she worked her magic, he still wasn't happy about his daughter separating from her husband, but at least he'd stopped thinking Mike was the best guy in the world.

Unfortunately Mike had been right about one thing—Alice couldn't stay forever. She had to go back to her own husband soon, and her work, and her perfect life. But she wasn't comfortable leaving Bella by herself, not after what Mike had said. If it were up to her, she would have piled Bella and all her things onto the plane and brought her back to the city, but she also knew that wasn't where Bella needed to be. Dragging her out of Forks so she could be isolated in a big city would not help her delicate emotional state.

So, for the last couple of days, Alice had been talking to Edward and trying to make good on her threat to Mike. It wasn't easy strategizing about how to smuggle a celebrity of his calibre into the small town, but Alice was particularly adept at organising, so she saw it as a challenge.

A week and a half into her stay, she was telling him the plan.

"First, you need to accept the Brown photo shoot in Seattle," she told him and laughed at the groan he emitted.

"There has to be some other way."

"This is perfect timing, and it would create a media frenzy! Just imagine when they get wind that _Edward Cullen_ is going to do a shoot wearing nothing but Brown boxer briefs."

"Which is why I will never do it. Not to mention I'm not at all comfortable with appearing practically nude in front of some—"

"—you haven't let me finish! You agree to do the shoot. We let it slip where it will be, and that way, everyone will be waiting there for you. Meanwhile, we smuggle you out the back of the hotel and have you driven straight here. Austin makes the announcement that you aren't feeling well from the hotel where you are supposedly staying. He gets to live the life for the next few days, ordering enough food for two. Then, we sneak him back to the city in the middle of the night and it'll look like you both managed to get out undetected."

"As soon as they realize I'm not there, they'll just start looking elsewhere."

Alice pondered what he'd said. She was certain her plan was foolproof, but you never could underestimate the lunacy of paparazzi. "Who would we have to worry about the most?"

Edward scoffed. "Too easy—James Witherdale. Freelance photographer and gopher of one Victoria Lefevre."

"Hmm, so if there was something that could keep them occupied—some sort of controversy—you'd be able to remain undetected in Forks for a lot longer?"

"I'd think so."

"Do me a favor, Edward. Call Jasper later today and tell him everything you know about those two. If his team can't find anything on them, I'm sure we'll be able to fabricate something at least."

Edward laughed loudly. "Alice, if you and Jasper could pull off something like that, I think I'd be indebted to you for life."

Alice smiled into the phone, secretly confident that they could definitely make it happen. "Well, you just concentrate on getting here as soon as possible, okay? Sunday at the latest. And don't worry about packing too much. Austin and I can organise to have more sent down to you later." Alice had a twinkle in her eye as she said the last bit, secretly planting seeds in Edward's head.

"Pack light, come soon. Got it." He paused for a moment and Alice was just beginning to wonder why he wasn't hanging up when he spoke again. "So, are you going to put Bella on now?"

"Oh shit! Sorry! I'll go get her."

She found Bella out in the yard reading a large black book with a displeased look on her face.

"Phone for you." Bella looked up, an anticipatory grin stretching over her features. Alice handed the cell to Bella and hung around just long enough to watch Bella's face light up from hearing Edward's voice.

* * *

On Sunday afternoon, Bella practically wore a path in the thick beige carpet as she paced back and forth. Alice watched her with quiet amusement, knowing if their roles were reversed, she'd likely be doing the same. They were literally expecting Edward any minute, and Bella couldn't sit still. She was nervous about her appearance, even though Alice had a lot to do with it. It was the first time Bella had so much as brushed her hair since Mike moved out, and she was obviously feeling overdressed.

"You look perfect," Alice reminded her for the umpteenth time. She wanted to keep Bella comfortable, so she was in jeans and a sweater. They were generic, but they showed off the right parts of Bella's body, and it wasn't like Edward was even going to notice her clothes.

Bella gave Alice another tight-lipped smile and completed another circuit.

"I've got an idea. If you're walking around like a crazy woman when he gets here, it would be weird. How about you hang out in the kitchen for a bit?"

Bella stopped in her tracks and realized how she was behaving. "You're right. I'll... make some coffee or something."

She turned to head into the kitchen when there was a loud knock on the door. Alice shooed Bella away before getting up to answer it.

Edward stood outside looking almost as nervous as Bella. His hair was very messy, as it should be after a long flight and a four hour drive. He turned and waved to the driver, who pulled away, the silent engine not even upsetting the neighbourhood dogs.

Beside Edward, there was a small duffle bag that looked practically empty. "Hi," he said, shrugging his arms. "It worked."

Alice grinned in response and then let him in, watching how he glanced around the foreign house. "Bella," she called out, pretending to alert her to Edward's presence.

Bella stepped out from behind the divide, dropping the coffee filter she held in her hands as soon as she saw Edward. His long legs only took three strides to reach her, and then he dwarfed her frame by wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in her neck. Bella laughed at the same time as tears squeezed from her eyes, her own arms holding onto his waist and bringing him closer.

And then they kissed.

Alice had often heard people talk of how she and Jasper were around each other, but she'd never been able to see it firsthand—until now. Bella and Edward _melted_ together. There was not a single space between them, no room for even air to separate them. It was like their bodies were two parts of a complete whole.

She looked away, at once filled with a longing for her own other half. The need spread through her chest and made her long for his presence. Casting her eyes over the new lovers one last time, she realized she could go home now.

She headed down the hall to collect her things.

* * *

A short half hour later, Alice appeared back in the living room, her suitcase bumping along behind her. Bella and Edward were wrapped around each other on the couch, their hands firmly clasped together.

"You're leaving?" Bella asked as soon as she saw the case.

"Yeah." Alice exhaled deeply. "It's time for me to go home." She left the case by the door and went over to say farewell to Bella.

"Thank you so much for coming, Alice," Bella muttered into her ear as she squeezed Alice tightly. "Thank you for helping me, and getting me drunk, and for Charlie, and for the honey buns. And for everything." She squeezed again.

"Anytime. Though somehow, I don't think you'll need me like that again." She glanced back and forth between Bella and Edward, smiling fondly before adding. "Edward, do you think you could help me with my suitcase?"

"Sure," he jumped up quickly and picked the piece of luggage up like it was filled with tissue paper. Alice gave Bella one last smile and wave before heading out to her rental car. Edward carried her case over to the trunk and carefully laid it down. Just as he was about to hug Alice goodbye, she stopped him.

"Okay, so there's this house, and I think it would be perfect."

Edward looked understandably confused. "What house? Perfect for what?"

"Just...hear me out. It is _surrounded_ by forest, has this really long driveway that you could hear anyone coming up, well before they made it to the house. It's also _gorgeous_, although in need of a little interior design work." She pretended to look innocent. "It has a gourmet kitchen, a music room, and, did I mention the privacy?"

She watched as her words finally started sinking in. His face changed from perplexed, to mildly interested, to almost excited.

"I made an appointment with the realtor for you to see it tomorrow. Take Bella." She pulled out the realtor's business card from her bag and handed it over.

Edward gave her a grateful smile. "Thanks, Alice."

She leant in and gave him a quick kiss on his cheek before stepping back. "Look after her."

"I will." His expression was soft yet determined.

She breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that he would. With one last proud, pleased look at Edward, she got into the car and started the engine.

* * *

**A/N: Brown is a fictional Seattle-based designer of men's underwear :) I used Rachelle's last name for Victoria, as she was who I pictured when I wrote The Vixen.**

**I'M GOING TO BE A JUDGE IN A WOLF-KILLING CONTEST! lol. I'm excited... obviously. I'm not referring to real wolves, just those pesky shape-shifter things. There's links on my profile that will take you through to all the details. The contest has some great prizes and the graphics are really pretty cool. Go check it out.**

**There is only one chapter left, and I hope to post either tomorrow or the next day.**


	19. The Strongest Force

**A/N: Here we go folks, the last one. There's a nod to BD in the first scene. That's it though. No babies here :)**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

* * *

Bella pulled into the gas station, thankful for the tinted windows that were allowing her some privacy. She wasn't able to completely avoid coming into town, but she was running on vapors and there was that little matter of needing food...

She jumped out of the driver's seat, ready to fill her tank and get out of there as quickly as possible, only to find she'd again pulled up on the wrong side of the pump.

"Damn it!"

She was just about to hop back in and feel ridiculous about needing to reverse back out to fix her mistake when Eric sidled up beside her.

"Hey, Bella. Did it again, huh?"

"I'm never gonna get used to this car." For most of her life, she'd been filling her truck from behind the driver's side door. Her new car—_their_ new car—had a neat little fuel cap that popped open when she pulled a lever, which would have been very useful, if she ever remembered which side it was on.

"I think we can just get it to reach," Eric said as he pulled the pump hose over the top of the roof and managed to fit the nozzle into her tank. "You'll get used to it eventually." He started the pump and gave Bella a smile. The inevitable awkward silence descended.

"Have you seen Mike lately?" Eric asked, trying to start up a conversation.

Bella shifted her feet, slightly nervous about this topic. "No, not for months now—not since he came by to sign the divorce papers." Eric looked at her with pity in his eyes, and she could see he misunderstood, so she clarified, "I mean, I don't want him coming by. I told him I don't want to see him. Ever again." She ran her hands up and down her arms nervously. Mike was still a pretty touchy subject for her. Every time she thought about what had happened between them, it made her angry and miserable. And then, whenever he would come around, he was just so... friendly. It was like he thought they could just go back to being friends. She was worried about being hurt again, of thinking he was a better man than he really was, so she decided it would be easier for her to not see him at all.

Eric nodded in understanding. "I know I've said it before, Bella, but I'm really sorry about all that stuff I said to you. I had no idea Mike and Jessica were—"

"It's fine," she cut him off. "I'd really rather just forget about it."

"Well, I want you to know that we're looking out for you now. Just yesterday I had some strangers in asking about Edward." Bella's face scrunched up, anticipating all the worst possible things he could've said. "And I told 'em I hadn't even heard of him."

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Eric. I'm sorry they're nosing around."

"Hey." He looked at her seriously. "Helping you is the least we can do after what happened. Edward's a nice guy and he's one of us now. We look after our own."

Bella smiled gratefully, still amazed people were being supportive when she'd expected them to throw her out of town. Her affair wasn't common knowledge, but she assumed at least some of the town suspected she'd had one, considering Edward showed up within weeks of her separation. It seemed the simple fact that she stayed in Forks afforded her—and Edward—some level of compassion and loyalty. She knew a few residents still thought she'd done the wrong thing by Mike, but they kept their opinions to themselves. Mike and Jess had already left town, so she guessed they didn't feel the need to cause animosity by defending them.

"How's the writing going?" Eric tried a safer topic.

"Oh, I haven't been writing at all lately," she answered, much happier with this discussion.

He grinned widely. "You know I didn't think much of those first few books you wrote—just not my style. But that last one... that was really good, Bella. I wouldn't mind if you wrote some more of that." He nodded eagerly at her and it made her laugh.

"I don't know... that last book, it stands alone. If I write anything else, it would have to be a new idea. Apparently, those aren't being handed out at the moment."

By now, Bella was used to waiting for ideas for her books. The mild anxiety she always felt about her writing ability was still present, but this time, she wasn't letting it get to her. It was early in her and Edward's relationship, and she didn't want to make the same mistakes with him that she had with Mike.

"Something will come to you. It always has." The pumped clicked off and he swung the hose back over to the holster.

Eric started back inside and Bella followed, wishing his words could bring her more comfort than they did. Once inside, he walked up to the counter and punched in the total of her gas.

"Thanks again, Eric," she said as she handed over some cash. Remembering how he'd turned away the people looking for Edward, she added, "You don't know how much I appreciate how you're helping us."

"Don't worry about it." The cash drawer sprung open with a "ping" and he grabbed her change. Before he handed it over, he got a mischievous look on his face. "Just don't forget that we're all gonna want tickets to his next premier in exchange."

"Right." Bella nodded. "If he ever gets another role." They both laughed together, though Bella's was somewhat forced.

To her knowledge, Edward hadn't had any decent offers since he'd left the city. When he'd first moved, he'd canceled a number of events and withdrawn from a couple of roles, thinking it was more important to settle in and spend time with Bella. But of course, that meant he'd pissed people off.

Bella didn't tell Eric that though. Instead, she started to make her escape. "Okay, well, I guess I'll see you soon."

"Not as soon as I'd like. You have to admit the mileage you get out of the Volvo is incredible. My profits have dropped since you retired your Chevy."

Bella genuinely laughed this time. As much as she'd loved her truck, she did prefer the Volvo. Sure, there were buttons she still had to figure out, but it was an amazing car to drive. She didn't like to flaunt it though. "If only I could figure out which side the gas went in."

Eric laughed before picking up a box of sodas to restock the fridge. "I'll see you later, Bella."

She grinned at her own joke and then turned to leave, feeling a lot better than when she first pulled up. She was almost out the door when a familiar face on the magazine rack caught her eye. She stopped to stare.

It was a picture of Victoria.

She had her head down, trying to cover her features with her distinctive fiery red hair, and seemed to be rushing through a crowd of photographers. James was slightly behind her, also trying to obscure his face. Above the image, written in jarring bright yellow, was the tag:

_Victoria Lefevre caught in scandalous affair with well-known photographer._

Bella was tempted to buy the magazine, but as soon as the thought occurred to her, she realized how hypocritical that would be. She didn't want her life splashed all over gossip magazines, so she shouldn't enjoy it when it happened to others. Instead of relishing in the obvious struggle that Victoria and James were in, she decided to be a better person and mind her own business. She waved one last time to Eric before heading toward her car.

From there, Bella went to the grocery store. She smiled widely at Lauren, who'd recently returned to Forks after her failed attempts in LA. Now that Bella knew Lauren's real relationship with Mike, she didn't hold off on being friends.

"Did you want to come over later? For dinner?" Bella asked her as she headed down the first aisle.

"And watch you two fawn over each other all night? No thanks." She winked at Bella over the top of her book.

Bella laughed before being more persuasive. "Edward wants to give you the details for a couple of agents he knows, so you should come over."

Lauren put the book down and stared at Bella. "He'd do that?"

"Of course." Bella pretended to concentrate on choosing tomatoes while Lauren processed what she'd said. Not wanting to get her hopes up too much, she added, "Although honestly, he's not even sure if his name holds any sway now, but he'd like to try and help."

"Well, sure, I'll come over. That would be great." She was still a little stunned.

Bella grinned to herself as she selected some fresh produce. She really liked Lauren, attitude and all. And it was nice knowing she had a friend she could trust after everything with Jess. She finished her shopping and exchanged excited smiles with Lauren as they organized for her to come around that evening after closing the store.

After saying goodbye, Bella headed to her last stop, their P.O. Box. She fumbled around, pulling out the pile of letters that had accumulated since she'd been there last. As she straightened up, she caught sight of her reflection in the window and was surprised by how _happy_ she looked. The last couple of years had been hell for her: the writer's block, the depression, writing, promoting, separating, divorcing, moving. And yet, after all of that, she felt better now than at any other time in her life.

She was glad her chores were over, because she was suddenly very eager to get back to her new home. Once she was back in the Volvo, she followed Calawah Road all the way out to the end, almost missing the shrouded entry to their driveway again. It didn't seem to matter how many times she made the trip, she could never see it coming. But she never complained, knowing it was one of the reasons they were able to live in relative anonymity.

She pulled into the garage, only jerking a little from the sensitive brakes. She then unloaded the groceries and headed inside.

Edward was sitting on the couch, guitar in his lap, hunched over some sheet music that littered the coffee table. He'd been working on his music a lot lately. Bella knew it was because that was his back-up career, and it was looking as though he may just need it. When he heard her, his face snapped up, a huge smile spreading across his scruffy chin.

"How'd it go?" He stood up and helped her with the bags.

"Fine. No problems, no unwanted attention. Lauren even agreed to come around for dinner."

"That's great."

She set the mail down and began packing away the groceries. Edward picked up the envelopes and sorted through them, leaving Bella's pile for her and opening his own.

"So, I think I finally found the right end to the song I was writing."

Bella smiled as she placed the milk in the fridge. He'd been at it for weeks. "That means you can finally play it for me?" she asked as she turned around to face him, a devious smirk on her face. He'd been holding out on this one for weeks and she was desperate to hear it. There was nothing sexier than Edward playing the guitar and singing.

He chuckled to himself as he began opening another envelope. "How long did you say we have until Lauren gets here?" He glanced over at her, doing that thing where he made his eyes smoulder.

She decided that Edward teasing her was also very sexy.

"We've got hours," she said suggestively. Edward grinned and went to put the letter down, but she stopped him. "Just let me get the rest of these groceries put away."

He let out an exaggerated huff, blowing his hair up out of his eyes, before going back to scanning the contents of the letter.

She grabbed the other cold items to put away in the fridge, not wanting to make either of them wait too long. Never in her life had she had such a perfect relationship with another person. They were everything to each other: friends, confidants, lovers. Somehow, they were always able to be what the other needed.

"Holy shit." His shocked tone brought her out of her musings.

"What is it?"

Edward was staring at the page in front of him, his mouth open in disbelief. "It's an offer." He thrust the contract toward her and she flipped through the pages. "I didn't think I'd be able to get this job. It's a huge role and they wanted so much promotion, and I just couldn't agree..." He trailed off. Although he never admitted it, Bella suspected he'd been refusing roles with too much promotion. She hadn't said anything, because honestly, she didn't want him to be away for months at a time either.

She read though his obligations and there was hardly anything outside of filming and attending events during the week of the premier. It was exactly what he wanted. She raised her face to see him running his hands through his hair, an almost giddy expression on his face.

"This is perfect," she told him.

"I know." He ran his hands through his hair again.

"You've read the script?"

"I have and... there's really something special about this one. It's... poignant and meaningful, but at the same time nothing too depressing."

He kept talking, explaining the particular aspects he loved, but Bella had ceased hearing him. Something was happening in her mind. It was like the words he just mentioned were seeds, and they were sprouting. Her eyes widened, which Edward mistook as a reaction to his narrative.

He was smiling like a lunatic when he swept her into a firm embrace. "I'm the luckiest bastard alive," he murmured, tilting her head up and staring into her eyes. A thrill swept through her body whenever he looked at her like that—as if he was completely enamoured with her. The feeling was absolutely mutual.

He pulled her closer before leaning in and softly placing his lips against hers. She relaxed into him, seeking to be even nearer. She loved the feel of his warm breath on her lips, his stubble on her cheeks, his tongue in her mouth, and she was certain she could go on kissing him forever.

He broke away from her and moved his kisses along her cheek, murmuring in between, "You know what this means, right?" His lips stilled as he straightened up, dropping his hands to her hips and settling into a more sedate embrace.

Bella felt like she was waking up from her lusty haze. "What's that?"

He pulled back to look at her, running his hand over her hair and down her back. "Everything has worked out."

Realizing it was true, she smiled into his chest. "Yeah, I guess." A surreal feeling of giddiness spread through her. She was getting used to it now, though. It seemed to always accompany her time with Edward.

He squeezed her even tighter. "It's like what you wrote in your book. If we have each other, and it's meant to be, nothing is stronger than that. Everything else falls into place around us."

When Bella had written that, she'd wanted to believe it was true. Now she knew it was. There may be forces around them that influenced their lives, occasionally pushing them in the wrong directions, but none of those compared to what brought them back together, what could never keep them apart. She could see that now, could feel it. She even had the urge to put it down on paper so that she would never forget.

A quiet gasp escaped her lips and she stared up at Edward in wonder.

It was _that_ feeling again—the same one she used to have when she'd awaken from a dream with an idea. Except now she was awake, and it had seemingly just come to her. The ideas were budding, scenes were forming, and she was certain she looked as though she had been struck dumb with amazement.

"What is it?" Edward asked, his elation sobered somewhat by his concern.

For a moment, she considered telling him about her epiphany so she could race up to her office and write all the thoughts out of her head. Knowing the ideas came from inside her this time, though, somehow gave her the confidence they weren't going anywhere. She wanted to stay with Edward, wanted to bask in their moment of mutual joy. The draw she felt to him far exceeded the want or need to write.

"I agree," she began, before pausing so she could pull him toward her to kiss his smiling lips. Edward's words from earlier echoed in her head as she said, "There really is nothing stronger."

* * *

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who helped bring this story together. Sobriquett for helping out in the early days, Roo for being my first validator, PTB for taking me on and matching me to the best betas I could have asked for. To Beautiful_Distraction for taking over the validating of Jugg and generally being amazingly supportive and encouraging. Also to revrag, mopstyle, ILWA and ineedyoursway for the occasional beta/preread.**

**To the rehab girls... you gave me a home in the fandom, somewhere I could spout crap and relax. I've never felt short of a friend or a smile or even a story to read since I met you all.**

**Furious Kitten and Brianna... what do I say? You've always gone above and beyond simply correcting my errors. You questioned my logic and kept my characters in line. You gave me grammar and tense lessons. Most of all, you taught me how to be a writer. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.**

**Thank you to everyone for reading, especially those of you who were with me from the very start (Sweetdreams82, I'm looking at you). And to those who thought highly enough of this to recommend it to your friends, thanks.**

**There won't be a sequel. I have one more story I want to write in twiland, and then I think I'll lay down my quill (or keyboard, as the case may be). The story I'll be working on is a Roseward smutfic. If you're at all interested in that kind of thing, PM me and I'll link you the profile I'll be posting it on. **

**Thanks again, everyone. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go and do my holy-crap-it's-actually-finished-awesome dance.**

**xxx Frenchie.**


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